Salvage
by IrishCaptain
Summary: DEADLIEST CATCH -SEQUEL TO "IT'S NEVER TOO LATE" - It's been 4 years since their daughters were born and Johnathan and Victoria's fairytale life has become a train wreck. It's time to decide if they stay or go back to living seperate lives.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any real people in this story, nuff said...

A/N: This story is a sequel to my first fic, "It's Never Too Late", so please read it if you haven't or this one won't make any sense to you. For my loyal "Tori fans", here it is. (and did you really think they were going to live happily ever after?) Please review and let me know what you think. Don't forget to read the other one first!

* * *

Victoria Hillstrand sat on a plane to Homer Alaska on her way home after her latest visit to her family in Israel. She went there every year while her husband Johnathan was gone for opilio crab. Their 4 year old twin daughters were fidgeting fiercely as the flight got closer to home.

"Hannah, stop whining…Samari, stop pinching your sister." She shot them a very serious warning. They were always a challenge on planes; they honestly were a challenge anywhere. They seemed to have inherited the best and worst of each of their parents. They were beautiful, with long black hair and porcelain skin, smart and willful like their mother. They had their father's eyes and smile along with a mischievous nature and sarcastic attitude that was already apparent. It was fortunate that Tori had agreed to hire nanny since she wasn't exactly the domestic type and had a serious lack of patience. She now knew she would have had a hard time handling them on her own.

"האם אנו מאמא כמעט ביתית?" (_Are we almost home mama?)_Hannah peered up at Tori, tugging on the sleeve of her flowing white linen shirt.

"What's the rule?" Tori said glancing over meeting her daughter deep brown eyes.

"Only English after we're on the airplane." Hannah answered rolling her eyes. She was the stubborn one and didn't understand why everyone didn't understand her. She would slide back and forth between languages constantly if Tori hadn't made it a rule. Tori would probably do the same thing had she not made a rule.

"Yes…we're almost home." Tori stared out the window at the snow covered landscape. She had mixed feelings about being home. She felt very alone there and almost trapped. She missed being out on the ocean.

"Will Daddy be waiting?" Samari asked tugging at Tori's sleeve. She was the _daddy's girl_, as far as Samari was concerned the earth and sun revolved around Johnathan…and fishing. It was already clear she would be on Time Bandit as soon as she was old enough.

"I don't know baby, it depends how fast they were." She answered. Tori reached over and nudged Kelly, the girls' nanny, who was sleeping on the other side of the aisle. She was a tough woman but kind and a good friend to Tori.

"Oh wow, you should have woke me earlier." She said realizing how close to home they were.

"It's ok; if I can't handle them while they're confined on a plane then I have some real problems." Tori smirked. She brushed her long black hair out of her eyes and gave a heavy sigh.

"You ok?" Kelley asked. She knew that Tori hadn't wanted to leave Israel this time around and she had a pretty good idea why. She had watched over the last four years as Tori and Johnathan slowly self destructed. Johnathan was always partying and if Tori got any thinner she'd be a skeleton. She kept a close watch on the situation, ready to intervene if she thought it where affecting the girls.

"Yeah, just…thinking, that's all." Tori and Johnathan's fairytale had crashed down around them long ago. The first couple years were perfect, she loved her new life and everything seemed to just fall into place. But then Johnathan got restless being home so much and went back to his old schedule of fishing almost year round and things changed. She never complained because she would never ask him to give up his life…even though that's exactly what she had done. She had once been a captain herself…in a different life, a life that she thought Johnathan often forgot she ever had. He was never home, and when he was he was distant. He was an amazing father and Tori respected that but it didn't make it any easier to watch him slip away from her. She had become very insecure and was sure that Johnathan had been unfaithful.

It took both Tori and Kelly to wrangle the girls from the plane to the car. Fortunately they were almost home and she could get them back into a routine soon. As they arrived at the house, it was clear Johnathan wasn't there. They got into the house and trucked the girls in to unpack. Tori had changed into her sweats and was trying to pull a brush trough her hair. Kelly set about the task of making lunch. "You hungry?" she looked directly at Tori, wondering if she would be able to get her to eat today.

"No, I'm fine…really whatever they want is fine." Tori picked up her cell and checked her messages. There was one from Johnathan from that morning checking to see that they had arrived and letting her know that they were still out a few more days. "Girls, daddy's still fishing he'll be home in a few days."

"But he s'posed to be here by now" insisted Samari.

"I know baby, I miss him too. I'm sure he'll be home as soon as he can" she kissed Samari and nudged her toward the kitchen. She really did miss him, but she knew that even if he where home he barely noticed her.

She dropped onto the couch and flipped on the TV. There was some dribble on the news about Dutch Harbor and she was only half listening. She glanced up at screen and something caught her eye. She jumped up and darted into the bedroom as if she had been set on fire. Before Kelly could even ask what was going on she emerged redressed in jeans and her leather jacket. "I need you to stay with the girls tonight; I'm flying to Dutch…there something I need to take care of."

"Of, course…is everything ok?" Kelly knew Tori well enough to know something was definitely not ok.

"I'm not sure…I'll let you know." She kissed the girls and flew out the door. Kelly turned to the TV and immediately saw what had set her off. Behind the reporter in Dutch Harbor, clearly at the docks…was the Time Bandit. Johnathan had lied about still being out fishing. Kelly went and quickly changed the channel, Hannah and Samari would know their Daddy's boat. Kelly knew Tori was headed for Dutch to find out what Johnathan was up to and chances are it was nothing good.

In Dutch Harbor Johnathan Hillstrand sat in the wheelhouse of the Time Bandit looking out over the docks. He picked up his cell and made a call…"Hey beautiful…no I bought myself a few days. I'll meet you at the bar in a bit."

As he hung up his brother Andy looked over shaking his head. "Let me guess…Jen?"

"Yeah, I was supposed to fly home this morning but I left a message for Tori that we were still out so I'm gonna hang out another day or two." He replied casually.

"Why do you bother? Just get a fucking divorce already. Fuck, you stayed married longer than anyone though you would, just let her go." Andy said in an annoyed tone.

"So she can take off across the world with my girls…I don't think so." He said without flinching.

"Do you really think she would do that?" Andy asked.

"Don't forget who she is brother…I don't put anything past her." Johnathan gave him a serious look. "I gotta make sure I sleep with one eye open if you know what I'm sayin'." Johnathan truly believed if he left Tori she would run with the twins and he knew if she didn't want him to find her she was capable of making that happen. But in his mind he couldn't deny that he wasn't sure what he wanted. Despite his wandering eye, he had managed to stay faithful for years longer than anyone honestly expected. He was even a little mad at himself for cheating…but for Johnathan it was an ego issue. He did it just to prove he could. He figured he would spend another day or two with his young girlfriend, partying and drinking before he had to go home and be responsible. He felt as long as he was a good father and took care of Tori so she never had to worry about anything; that was enough.

"I don't know man…" Andy argued, "I don't think she's that person anymore. She probably wants out of this as bad as you do. You're gonna get caught…I mean are you in love with Jen?"

"No…she's just…fun, you know how it is." Johnathan shrugged, "Young and stupid and thinks I'm a god…"

"I actually don't know…so I'll take your word for it. Do you honestly think Tori doesn't know?" Andy raised an eyebrow, he knew Tori was no fool and Johnathan had a tendency of getting arrogant.

"Trust me, she has no clue. She spends more time in Israel than she does here. I mean fuck…I can't even get my kids to speak English half the time. She lost interest in me and our life a long time ago." Johnathan's expression changed.

"You still love her?" Andy asked sounding very serious. He didn't get an answer.

Johnathan got up and headed out the door. "You coming or what?"

"I guess, I'm already guilty by association" Andy resigned and followed.

They reached the Elbow room where a tall blond _very_ young woman practically jumped on Johnathan as they walked in. "I'm so glad we have a few more days!" she squealed as she hugged him.

"Me too…" he gave Andy an evil smirk.

Andy rolled his eyes and walked straight for the bar. He had avoided visiting Johnathan at home for a while. He couldn't look Tori in the eye and lie to her, but he was loyal to his brother so he stayed out of it. He knew this was a bad situation that was eventually going to get worse, he just hoped that his brother would see it coming and put his two young daughters first.

Johnathan's other woman was no secret around Dutch, he had been seeing her for a while and they weren't exactly discrete. Most people said nothing, a few mumbled under their breath about it but it didn't seem to worry him. The only person that had a real problem with Jen was Mike Fourtner. He was loyal to Tori and made no secret of the fact that he thought Jen was a bimbo and Johnathan was just plain stupid. Johnathan dealt with it by blatantly ignoring Mike when Jen was around and making sure there was never a reason for him and Tori to cross paths.

Johnathan and Jen left the Elbow room that night highly intoxicated and hanging all over each other. As they walked toward the Time Bandit, they were unaware that they were being watched. Just out of sight, in the shadows, was Victoria Hillstrand. "You son of a bitch…" she whispered to herself. This was what she had feared but it hurt much worse now that she had confirmation. She wanted to break down into tears but pure anger was preventing it. Part of her wanted to just run home, pack up and leave and never see him again. But then there was the old _Captain Mason_ part that was thankful she didn't have a gun right now because she was pretty sure she would use it. She sat down on a nearby bench, staring at the Time Bandit, knowing exactly what was going on inside. What she didn't realize was that she too was being watched.

* * *

Was a long and dark December  
From the rooftops I remember  
There was snow  
White snow

Clearly i remember  
From the windows they were watching  
While we froze down below

When the future's architectured  
By a carnival of idiots on show  
You'd better lie low  
If you love me  
Won't you let me know?

Was a long and dark December  
When the banks became cathedrals  
And the fog  
Became God

Priests clutched onto bibles  
hollowed out to fit their rifles  
And the cross was held aloft

Bury me in honor  
When I'm dead and hit the ground  
My love's opposed, but unfolds  
If you love me  
Won't you let me know?

I don't want to be a soldier  
with the captain of some sinking ship  
would stow, far below  
So if you love me  
Why'd you let me go?

I took my love down to violet hill  
There we sat in snow  
All that time she was silent still  
So if you love me  
Won't you let me know?

(Violet Hill – Coldplay)


	2. Chapter 2

Diclaimer: Victoria and the like are my creations, nothing real is mine (damn it)

A/N: Here's the next one! I know it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion and there's nothing you can do to stop it. I know I write "heavy" but hey, I write what I know. Things willl get better...I promise...really...(patience is a virtue)

Please review!!!!!

* * *

As she stood calculating what to do, a smooth voice from behind her spoke, "Two days…" She spun around thinking she must really be slipping if someone could sneak up on her like that. It was Josh Harris.

"Fuck, don't do that you scared the shit out of me." She said pushing her hair back catching her breath.

"The Time Bandit…it's been in Dutch two days, that is what you're wondering isn't it." He stepped forward looking over Tori's shoulder at Johnathan and Jen walking down the dock. Tori didn't know what to say, she was humiliated that clearly she had a cheating husband and had to spy on him.

"I just got back from Israel today, he told me they were still out." She said looking at the ground.

"How did you know he was lying?" Josh could see that Tori was upset but he had known about Johnathan's affair for a while and felt bad that she had to see this.

"I saw something on the news…the boat was in the background." She hesitated for a moment, "Actually I assumed he was lying when he called…He never calls anymore."

"Tori, I'm really sorry. He's got to be the biggest idiot I've ever seen." Josh was just shaking his head.

"No, actually I'm the idiot, I'm married to him." Tori said trying to laugh at the situation.

Josh stepped in and gave her a hug. "I bet you could use a drink…"

"Um…I think if I walked in to the Elbow Room, it would only take about thirty seconds for Johnathan to find out I was in Dutch." Tori had a plan. "I have a very _special_ way I want him to find out I was here."

Josh smiled, "I was thinking more like we go back to the Cornelia Marie...what are you going to do to him?"

Tori gave him a sadistic smile, "I'll meet you on the Marie in ten minutes, that's all I'll need." She winked and shot off down the dock. Josh watched her for a minute, thankful he wasn't Johnathan right now.

Tori made her way quietly to the Time Bandit, making doubly sure she wasn't followed and no one saw her. She knew everyone was still at the bar and that Johnathan and his friend were the only people on the boat. Tori jumped over the rail and went straight up to the wheelhouse. Down the hall she could hear giggling and various other sounds coming from Johnathan's stateroom that made her blood boil even more. She walked straight to the console and sat down in the captain's chair, briefly entertaining different ideas of toture and suffering, but decided that revenge is a dish best served cold. Making a scene would only make her look weak and give Johnathan's tramp leverage, and that wasn't going to happen. Tori removed her necklace…it was a Star of David that her brother given her. She set it on the console right where she knew he would see it. Then, in a moment of sinister genius, she knew how to make this a night he would never forget. She turned on the radio and activated the automatic distress call.

She was off the Time Bandit faster than she got on and no one had seen her there…but he would know it was her. Tori hurried two boats down to the Cornelia Marie and jumped the rail. She raced up to the wheelhouse where she found Josh waiting with a bottle of Tequila. She looked out the window motioning for Josh, "Come here, you're going to love this. Should be any second…"

Sure enough the coast guard was racing over to the Time Bandit, no doubt confused over how they could be in distress at the dock. Tori started to giggle as she did a shot of Tequila. Josh was practically rolling on the floor, "Remind me never to get on your bad side!"

Over on the Time Bandit, no one was amused. Johnathan was standing in the wheelhouse, half dressed with a Coast Guard officer. "Captain Hillstrand, the call was activated from on the boat, it's obvious that you've been drinking and I assure you we don't look at pranks they way you guys do. We're going to have to fine you."

"I'm telling you, I was in bed…I have no idea how this got set off." He was at a loss and took the fine since he was indeed drunk and didn't want to start trouble that he would just end up paying even more for. After they left he sat down in the chair to look at the radio that he was sure must be malfunctioning. His heart suddenly was in his throat. Laying there right in front of him was Tori's necklace. "That bitch…" He was furious, but at the same time cracked a smile because only Tori could come up with something like that and pull it off. He certainly wasn't surprised that she was able to get on and off the boat without him knowing, things like that are what made her a legend up and down the eastern seaboard.

"Johnathan! What the hell is going on?" Jen had emerged from the stateroom. She was not very happy that whatever it was they were doing was interrupted.

"Get dressed, you need to go." Johnathan said without even looking at her.

"What? Excuse me…" she started, but he turned and when she saw his face she got worried.

"She's here…Victoria…in Dutch." Johnathan got up and looked out trying to see up the dock in the dark.

"Your wife? The crazy bitch? Well what are you going to do? I mean, she obviously knows about us now so you can just tell her…" She stopped when she saw how upset he looked. "I'll get my stuff."

As Jen left, Johnathan was on the phone with Andy, his crew, and everyone he knew trying to find Tori. No one had seen her. He couldn't understand how she could waltz in to Dutch Harbor walk right up the docks and have no one notice. When Andy arrived they sat in the wheelhouse discussing the recent turn of events. "Fuck me. I'm screwed bro I can't believe she did that."

"I can." Mike Fourtner had entered the room. "No sympathy here Johnathan, you asked for it. Screwing with her is like playing with a loaded gun, I actually think she let you off pretty easy."

"No one asked you." Johnathan barked.

Back on the Cornelia Marie, Tori and Josh sat and talked…and drank. He told her about how Johnathan was always showing off pictures of the twins and if he had a redeeming quality; that was probably the one. "I'd never take them away from him Josh, I'm not like that." She said.

"I know…Tori…can I ask you something?" He said turning serious.

"Sure, as long as it's not too hard, I've had a lot to drink." She laughed.

"Why are you still with him? Your one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen and I told you five years ago you could do better…you still can." He reached up and touched her cheek.

"Josh, I'm way too old for you…" she had started feeling a bit warm.

"And he's way too old for you, what's your point…Tori, I'm not looking for you to run off with me, I know that's not your style. I'm just saying that I'll be the guy you need right now." He looked into her piercing blue eyes. He was more confident now than he was five years ago and he wasn't going to miss the opportunity to have a night with his dream girl. "And I'm not scared of Johnathan, come on…I'm offering to let you completely use me here…" he said cracking a smile.

Tori bit her lip for a second and ran her hand through Josh's hair. She would have slept with him years ago if she had been single. But now that didn't seem to matter much and she had to admit that the attention of a younger man was helping her wounded ego. Before she could speak, Josh pulled her close and started to kiss her, she instantly gave in, melting into his arms. His touch was soft and gentle, not at all like Johnathan who was always very intense and a bit rough. He scooped her up and carried her into the stateroom, laying her down on the bed. As he removed her clothes he couldn't help but notice how thin Tori was. Instead of the voluptuous curves he remembered she was fragile and waifish. It made him worry for her and angry that Johnathan just didn't seem to care. He knew in his heart that although she was angry and hurt, she loved Johnathan. Josh would probably only have her for one night, so he made the most of it.

Tori was amazed how quickly she forgot about her problems, this was the first time she felt good in months. In a way she wished it didn't have to end, but as she lay in bed watching Josh who was already sleeping, reality came crashing back. She felt horrible for what she had done. Although Johnathan had been doing it for some time, she still felt like she betrayed their marriage vows. They meant something to her, even if they didn't mean anything to him. She reached over and woke Josh with a kiss. "Hey, I have to go."

"Yeah, you should probably get off the docks before the sun comes up. You headed back to Homer?" He asked sitting up.

"Yeah, the kids are with the nanny. I want to be there before Johnathan gets home. He's not going to be very happy." She said half smiling but clearly now worried about what she had started.

"Will you be ok? I mean, he wouldn't…do anything…" Josh had started thinking about Johnathan's temper and was worried for Tori.

"No, he's not like that. But this is probably the beginning of the end. I'm gonna have to start making some plans, figure out what I'm going to do, where I'm going to go…and the girls." Tori was now looking very serious and was trying not to cry. As the tears started falling she just shook her head, "I swear no one has ever made me cry in my life like he can."

Josh held her tight, "If you need anything…and I mean anything, I'm here."

"I know, thanks." She got up and left the Cornelia Marie, carefully making her way through Dutch Harbor so no one would see her. She guessed that Johnathan would be returning home to confront her so she needed to hurry. As she headed home her mind was racing through all the things that had happened recently, trying to figure out how long he'd been cheating. She wasn't proud of herself and what she had done with Josh but she felt like she was due some kind of comfort after the way Johnathan had been treating her. She predicted that there would be a fight, a big one, and she would no doubt get mad enough to confess.

Johnathan was also making plans to get back to Homer as fast as possible. He had told Jen not to call him, he would call her when he had an idea of what was going on. He just wanted to get home to the girls, he was afraid if Tori beat him there, she'd be gone. He couldn't honestly blame her, he too was ashamed of the way he had treated her lately. He was sure she was going to ask for a divorce and he felt like it may be the best thing for everyone.

* * *

I guess I just lost my husband  
I don't know where he went  
So I'm gonna drink my money  
I'm not gonna pay his rent (nope)  
I've got a brand new attitude,  
And I'm gonna wear it tonight  
I'm gonna get in trouble  
I wanna start a fight  
Na na na na na  
I wanna start a fight

So,  
So what I'm still a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't need you  
And guess what  
I'm havin more fun  
And now that were done  
I'm gonna show you tonight  
I'm alright  
I'm just fine  
And you're a tool so  
So what  
I am a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't want you tonight

The waiter just took my table  
And gave it to Jessica Simps  
I guess I'll go sit with drum boy  
At least he'll know how to hit  
What if this song's on the radio,  
Then somebody's gonna die!  
I'm going to get in trouble,  
My ex will start a fight

Na na na na  
He's gonna to start a fight  
Na na na na  
We're all gonna get in a fight!

You weren't there  
You never were  
You want it all but that's not fair  
I gave you life  
I gave my all  
You weren't there, you let me fall

So, so what I'm still a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't need you  
And guess what  
I'm havin more fun  
And now that were done  
I'm gonna show you tonight  
I'm alright  
I'm just fine  
And you're a tool so  
So what  
I am a rock star  
I got my rock moves

And I don't want you tonight

(So What – Pink)


	3. Chapter 3

Dsclaimer: I don't own anything (ignores boss talking to her about design, something, structures, blah...and that she'll never own anything if she doesn't get to work) But I DO now own the Archangel!! (I just paid the damn thing off!)

A/N: I know that I'm killing you with the doom and gloom but it's going to get better. I also can't let my boy Johnathan take all the blame here so this chapter should explain all the issues. I swear if you get through the first half of this you'll start to see the old Tori/Johnathan.

* * *

Tori arrived home in a daze. She had no idea what to do and was beginning to regret even going to Dutch. A part of her wished she had never found out and could just pretend everything was fine. Throughout the day she jumped every time she heard a car and was visibly distracted. Later that night, she decided Johnathan obviously wasn't coming home so she changed into shorts and tiny t-shirt and got ready for bed. As she stood in front of the mirror, trying to pinch at the imaginary fat around her waist, Kelly was getting the girls ready for bed. Tori hadn't told her exactly what happened, but she had a pretty good idea. Suddenly the front door opened and Johnathan stormed in.

"Victoria!" he shouted from the living room. When Tori appeared he threw her necklace to her, "I think you lost this…"

She caught in without flinching, "Yeah, I guess I did." She already had tears in her eyes, "How long?"

"Tori, I don't want to fight…" He started.

"How long!" she demanded.

Johnathan took a deep breath, he couldn't even look at her, "About six months…Tori listen…"

"What...? I must be a fucking fool. How could you do this?" She was now crying uncontrollably.

"It just happened…I don't know. I looked all over Dutch for you last night after your little stunt."

"Guess you didn't check the Cornelia Marie…" she snapped at him.

He paused a second shaking his head in disbelief, "Tell me you slept with Josh Harris…" He knew Josh had probably jumped at the opportunity to console her. She gave him a resentful look and he knew that she had.

In that second, Johnathan had a flash of memories of everything they had been trough together, the day they got married and the promises he had made to her. He had never expected her to retaliate that way and he couldn't believe how bad it hurt. As he sank down into a chair trying to reconcile how they had drifted this far apart, he heard Hannah and Samari enter the room. Kelly was right behind them, she hadn't been fast enough to catch them. "Daddy why you yellin?"

Tori kneeled down and grabbed them both pulling them close to her. "Daddy's just really tired; you guys can see him tomorrow. Come on, back to bed." She took off down the hall with them, glancing back over her shoulder at him.

Johnathan got up to follow her but was blocked by Kelly, "No way…not till you cool down." She looked livid, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Johnathan sat back down and shook his head, "Me? She's not so innocent in this…She hasn't wanted to be here for long time." He wondered how long she had known and what she planned to do. "She's gonna leave isn't she?" He knew if Tori had made any plans Kelly would know.

"This is a real mess Johnathan." She sat down on the couch across from him. "She's known something was going on for while. Instead of just leaving your stupid ass, her way of dealing with it is starving herself to death…in case you didn't notice."

"I sorta did…I just thought…" he had noticed she was losing weight but had assumed it was just Tori being paranoid about her weight. She had been since she had the girls. No matter how many times he reassured her that she was perfect, she still worried.

"Yeah well she lives on carrot sticks and caffeine. And I gotta tell ya, you look like shit too." She huffed at him. "The two of you need to decide what you're going to do, this isn't healthy."

"I already know what I'm gonna do." He got up and went to the kitchen and made a phone call. Of course Kelly got as close as she could to eaves drop. She heard one half of a conversation between him and who she assumed must be the _girlfriend_. After what she heard she decided that she was going to let this go at least for tonight. She busied herself picking up toys when he came out, pretending not to have heard anything. She said nothing as he walked past her and headed down the hall.

He saw the light still on and quietly opened to the door. Tori was half asleep with Hannah and Samari draped over her sound asleep, creating a sea of long black hair. As he came in she opened her eyes, squinting through her tears.

He sat down on the side of the bed and whispered, "Got room for me?" Tori gave him a weak smile and nodded. He lay down next to them, pushing Hannah's hair off her face, kissed both girls then looked at Tori. "I'm sorry…I know that doesn't even start to cover it."

"John, I think we should just be realistic and…" he didn't let her finish.

"Victoria please don't say it, let's talk about it in the morning." He looked as terrible as she felt and Tori was too tired to deal with anymore. She nodded and closed her eyes. Despite how things had been between them lately, she still slept better when he was home. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight as she drifted off to sleep. He was hurt by what she did but knew he had pushed too far this time and it came back to bite him. Now he knew how badly he had hurt her. He couldn't help but remember Mike Fourtner's reference to her being like a loaded gun, and Johnathan's luck had run out.

Johnathan heard Kelly come down the hall. When she peeked in through the partially open door he waved her in so she could take the girls to their room. She peeled them off their mother one at a time; then flicked the light off and closed the door behind her. She decided not to go home; she would sleep on the couch just in case. She knew the worst was over but with Tori and Johnathan she could never be sure what to expect.

The next morning Tori woke up late. She couldn't believe she had slept that long or that the kids hadn't woke her up. Suddenly the night before all came rushing back. She threw on a black velvet robe and went to the girls' room…they weren't there. Still half asleep, she had a panic attack. Memories of her father stealing her from her mother spinning in her head…she ran out to the living room, stopping short when she saw Kelly sitting casually on the couch, her feet up, reading the paper.

"Where are the girls?" She asked quickly.

"In the kitchen making breakfast…with their father." Kelly answered without looking up from the paper.

Tori looked around thinking that now she must look crazy. "Did you sleep here?"

"Yup, I didn't want to come over this morning and find the place covered in crime scene tape." Kelly looked up at Tori who was already heading for the kitchen. "He called her last night you know…" Tori stopped and looked back silently. "Broke it off…told her he'll never leave his wife."

"What, were you eaves dropping?" Tori gave a crooked smile.

"Of course I was, isn't that part of what I get paid for?" Kelly smiled and nodded toward the kitchen, "You better get in there…he's not very good at this stuff; it'll be a miracle if the kitchen's in one piece."

Tori walked in to what looked like a war zone. She put her hand over her mouth trying not laugh as she looked around at the destruction. "Mama we made you breakfast!" Samari grabbed Tori's hand and dragged her to the table.

"I see that…" She looked at what was enough food for twelve people on the table. "Um…Johnathan, they don't eat bacon." She tried to keep the house at least semi-kosher.

"Yeah, they do… see, they love it." Johnathan personally thought they should eat whatever they wanted.

Hannah shoved a piece of bacon in her mouth looking at Tori, "Daddy says you like it but you're in a closet."

"Hey sweetheart, you weren't supposed to repeat that." Johnathan laughed knowing he was caught.

Tori just rolled her eyes, "John…they're four…they repeat everything." She found the whole scene like being in some parallel universe. This was completely out of character for Johnathan even on his best day. She just sat at the table pushing food around her plate, knowing that this was a temporary truce.

"Are you gonna eat that, or just try to make it look like you ate?" Johnathan said, eyeing her plate. Tori raised her eyebrow as he continued to watch her. Finally she gave up and ate as much as she could which wasn't much at all.

"Daddy says we're goin on a trip." Samari said climbing into Tori's lap.

"Did he?" Tori shot him a suspicious glare.

Johnathan started picking up the kitchen, apparently another effect of the parallel universe, and gave the kids a nod toward the living room. "Why don't you two go have Kelly get you cleaned up and make sure you tell her you have syrup in your hair." They dashed out in a flurry of giggling.

"So, where are we going?" She knew his methods and figured this was some attempt to make peace.

"I thought we could use some time away from here. I know you need a break, and I know I have a lot to make up for." He took her hand and kissed it but she just pulled away. "Angel please, just give me a chance. Then if you still wanna kick me to the curb…I'll do whatever you want. All I ask is that you're fair about the girls."

"I wouldn't keep them from you. I figured I'll find a place in Seattle, I can still captain a boat…I think. That way we're close enough to switch them back and forth. We'll have to work out a…season thing." She had been trying to avoid thinking about this.

"Wow, I didn't know you had…you know…plans." He was now really scared that she had thought this through and was quite serious.

"Why? I mean why did you do it?" She asked suddenly, not sure she really wanted to know.

"Honestly, I didn't think you would give a shit either way. I know you resent me for forcing you to move here and making you give up everything." He continued, not able to look her in the eye. "Fuck Tori, we didn't even plan on living in the same state when we got married, we had our own lives _and_ one together, but then I decided I wanted I you here and I didn't even think about what you were giving up. I figured you wanted your freedom back. Look around you…this is _not_ the life you always wanted."

"Yes it is." Tori started to cry, "How could you think I didn't want to be here, and why wouldn't you just talk to me. We used to do that…occasionally. "

Johnathan knew exactly why he thought it. "In the last year you've been to Israel plus on vacation with your Dad in Ireland, oh and let's not forget…Where did you go for your birthday with your old crew?"

"Prague…" She answered looking down. "You weren't here anyway, and it's good for the girls to see the world."

"Yeah, because it had a _great_ effect on you didn't it?" Referring to her being dragged all over the world as a child, he regretted saying that the second it came out. "I'm sorry, that was out of line."

"No, you're, right. I've been so busy just doing whatever I wanted I didn't think about how you felt about about it." Thinking about it from his point of view it really did look like she wanted to be anywhere but there. After a minute she asked, "How many were there Johnathan?"

"Just the one, I swear. I have no reason to lie to you now and I ended it…but I'm sure Kelly told you that already." He knew Kelly had probably overheard the heated argument he had with Jen the night before. She hadn't been too happy to hear that she had just been a distraction and he still loved Tori. She apparently had big plans of being the next Mrs. Hillstrand and put up quite a fight. Fortunately he doubted that she had the capacity for the same type of payback.

Tori sat and thought for a few minutes, Johnathan just sat across from her waiting for her to say something. Finally she spoke, "You know it didn't mean anything right…I mean Josh. I just wanted to hurt you."

"Yeah, I know." He reached for her hand again, this time she didn't pull away.

"So, where are we going…I need to know what to pack." She said giving a small smile.

"You're not gonna regret this, I promise." He leaned across the table and kissed her cheek.

* * *

I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round  
And now I think that I've got it all down  
And as I say it louder I love how it sounds  
Cause I'm not taking the easy way out  
Not wrapping this in ribbons  
Shouldn't have to give a reason why...

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow  
I can't believe that I stayed till today  
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow  
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

It came out like a river once I let it out  
When I thought that I wouldn't know how  
Held onto it forever just pushing it down  
Felt so good to let go of it now  
Not wrapping this in ribbons  
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow  
I can't believe that I stayed till today  
There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow  
There's nothing here in this soul left to say  
Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow  
God know we tried to find an easier way  
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow  
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Our favorite place we used to go  
The warm embrace that no one knows  
The loving look that's left your eyes  
That's why this comes as no, as no surprise

If I could see the future and how this plays out  
I bet it's better than where we are now  
But after going through this, it's easier to see the reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow  
I can't believe that I stayed till today  
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow  
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

The kiss goodnight, it comes with me  
Both wrong and right, our memories  
The whispering before we sleep, just one more thing that you can't keep  
Our favorite place we used to go  
The warm embrace that no one knows  
The loving look that's left your eyes  
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

(No Surprise - Daughtry)


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: status quo...

A/N: Here is the next...I think it speaks for itself. I have a splitting headache from dropping a propane tank on my face (yes...my face) while installing the new stove on the boat. Damn these small girlie hands that can't hold everything at once! Needless to say this is the most I could write today...I'll try again before the weekend...promise!

* * *

Tori and Johnathan tried desperately to avoid each other for the rest of the week. Neither really knew what to say to each other and everything seemed forced. Johnathan watched TV and read to the girls, trying to distract them from noticing the obvious tension in the house. Tori would stay in the bedroom alone most days since she was having trouble going more than an hour without bursting into tears. She sat looking in the mirror at the dark circles under her eyes and decided that she needed to pull herself together and make some sort of effort to move forward if this was going to work out.

Kelly was on her way out the door to go to the grocery store with a short list of Tori's favorites that Johnathan vowed he was going to get her to eat if he had to tie her down. As she opened the door she ran right into Tae. "Holy crap, you scared me. What are you…oh, I know…go on in." Kelly smirked and continued out the door.

"Hey sweetie, what are you doing here?' Johnathan asked as she walked past him as if he didn't exist. "Ok then, nice to see you too." He wasn't surprised that she was angry at him since she and Tori had gotten quite close. Tae walked quickly down the hall looking room to room till she got to the master bedroom where she found Tori sitting on the bed in tears.

"Oh Tori, I'm so sorry," she said jumping on the bed and hugging her. "I should go kick his ass right now."

"How the hell did you find out?" Tori was shocked that she already knew.

"Scott called me, told me what Dad had done and that you caught him. I was pissed that Scott kept it a secret but it's apparently a guy thing…assholes." She continued while pulling two bottles of Pepsi out of her backpack, handing one to Tori. "He finally came clean to me after you totally burned Dad with the whole coastguard thing…brilliant by the way."

Tori shrugged her shoulders looking at the bottle of soda that she really wished were diet but decided to drink it anyway. "I'm sorry you had to hear about all that, I really should have kept it together better."

"Are you kidding…and Josh Harris…total cougar move." Tae said motioning to high five Tori who just looked horrified.

"Fuck, you know about that too?" Tori was now completely embarrassed by both Johnathan's behavior and her own.

"Dad called Uncle Andy, he called me…wanted me to stop over here…make sure you guys hadn't killed each other. I just wanted to make sure my little sisters were ok." She had now pulled a bag of chips and a box of chocolate cookies out of her bag and was yanking them open.

Tori looked at all the junk food on the bed and Tae staring at her. "What is this some kind of intervention?"

"Please Tori, you look like death. Eat a fucking cookie already." Tae said waving one in front of Tori.

"Tae listen, I am not proud of myself. It was a really stupid thing to do." She resigned eating a single chip.

"So you packed yet? Uncle Andy said you guys are going there first and he's taking Hannah and Samari for a few days." Tae said chewing on a cookie.

"Yeah, we're kind of forcing Kelly to take some time off, she always feels bad leaving me alone so I can never get her to. I have no idea where we are going from Andy's but your father wants us to have some _alone time_." Tori was now going through a bag she had started to pack, "It seems like every time I do this less of my stuff fits me." She was holding up a sexy shirt that she doubted she could fill out anymore. Despite being extremely petite she had always been blessed with certain assets that her recent weight loss had taken a toll on.

"Maybe you should get a wonder bra…" Tae knew this was the equivalent of blasphemy and hopefully a slap that Tori needed.

"What?" Tori glared at herself in the mirror. "I don't fucking think so." She spun around grabbed the bag of chips shoveling a handful of them into her mouth. "That will be the fucking day…and let me tell you something else…I'm not old enough to be a cougar…and you know what else…that blond bimbo better stay the fuck out of my way because she is _not_ getting my husband!"

"It's about time." Kelly spouted walking into the room. "You've been moping around feeling sorry for yourself long enough…that's not you and the tears are definitely not you."

"Being a size zero isn't going to make him less of an asshole." Tae concurred, "besides, if you're gonna fight for him your gonna need to look hot…I heard she's like…my age."

"Thanks, I really needed to know that."Tori rolled her eyes. "Seriously though…thanks…both of you. Now can you please help me pack?" The three spent the evening rifling through Tori's clothes trying to find the absolute sexiest items she owned until Tae felt like she had way too much information and was likely traumatized for life.

As Tae strolled through the living room an her way out, she hugged and kissed her sisters, and her father, whispering in his ear…"do _not_ screw this up." He smiled and nodded as she walked out.

Kelly appeared and began cleaning up the wreckage from the day, "I think we've had a breakthrough."

"Really? How did you manage that?" Johnathan was ready to threaten taking her to the hospital if she kept refusing to eat.

"Your daughter appealed to her…vanity." Kelly smirked.

"Now if she would just let me touch her we'd be all set." He huffed.

"That's gonna take a while pal. She hasn't forgiven you yet." Kelly shook her head.

Johnathan was starting to think she was never going to forgive him. He had only been home a week but he wasn't the most patient person and Tori was holding her ground. They slept in the same bed but there was a strict _hands off_ policy in effect. She didn't want him out on the couch because the girls would question that but she admittedly was having trouble staying in control. It was almost impossible to be in bed with him and not let him touch her. He would wait for her to fall asleep and pull her in to him just to have her close. Secretly she wasn't really asleep at all; she just didn't want him to know she wanted the same thing.

The night before they were to leave for Andy's, Tori gave in enough to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie after the girls were in bed. He really wanted more but decided he should tread carefully. As he leaned down and gently kissed her lips she tensed up but didn't pull away.

"I love you Tori…" he said hoping for a response.

"I love you too and this is killing me. I just don't know how I'm supposed to trust you again." She knew she had to give a little.

"I'm gonna spend the rest of my life making this right, I swear it. Can you forgive me?' He pressed his forehead to hers stroking her face.

"I do forgive you. And I'm sorry for how I handled things; I had no right to do what I did." Tori had managed to get the whole thing out without a single tear.

"It's ok, you were hurt…I know how it feels…now." He was still feeling the sting of getting a taste of his own medicine. It was driving him crazy thinking about her with Josh but he didn't feel he had any right to seek sympathy considering the situation. "Can we just…start over?"

"I wish it were that easy, I don't know how we're supposed to just go back to how things were and pretend none of it happened." She said starting to get a little shaky.

"We will, I promise." Johnathan smiled and kissed her again. This time she gave in kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I just think we should…go slow, ok. We don't have a history of making the best decisions. I think we get a little…caught up…" She really wanted him right then but was using great restraint for the first time since the day they met.

"I know, you're right." He was just happy that she had openly forgiven him and they could start to move on although he had a strong desire to tear her clothes off at the moment. That night when they went to bed she climbed over and snuggled tight to him, placing her head on his chest. They both felt relieved that the tension was broken but there were still a lot of things to deal with. Their relationship hadn't fallen apart overnight and it was going to take some time to figure out how to fix it.

The next day Johnathan got a taste of what it was like to get the twins ready and to the airport without the benefit of Kelly who was now officially on vacation. As they sat on the plane, they started to get restless and poke at each other. Finally Johnathan gave them a stern look and a few nudges but they seemingly ignored him. He looked to Tori for backup but she wanted him to deal with it himself.

"You have to put on your game face, they can smell fear." She joked. Finally she decided to ease his suffering. "Girls…that's enough." They immediately fell into line.

"האם אתה ואת האימא מטורפת עדיין?" (Are you and daddy still mad?) Hannah said peering up at her mother.

"Hannah Hillstrand…what's the rule?" Tori looked back at her.

"But we're on the airplane!" She replied. Tori now understood why Johnathan was worried that all the traveling would confuse them.

"We're going to Uncle Andy's…that's in _this_ country." Tori gave Johnathan an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, they get confused…she asked if we're still mad."

Johnathan felt terrible that they had obviously been walking around for a week knowing that he and Tori were fighting. "No sweetheart, we're not mad, we just had an argument but it's over now." He looked to Tori.

"Everything's fine baby…" Tori reached over and took Johnathan's hand and smiled. It was the first smile that she could honestly say was real in a long time and it felt good.

Johnathan knew it was real too. He smiled and squeezed her hand, "So exactly how many rules are there?" noting that her had heard reference to _the rules_ several times today.

"It's an evolving list…" She giggled back. He was so clueless about what a handful these kids were and chances were he wouldn't really catch on…till they were teenagers. "You have no idea…"

* * *

A strangled smile fell from your face  
It kills me that I hurt you this way  
The worst part is that I didn't even know  
Now there's a million reasons for you to go  
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes  
To turn this around  
I know what's at stake  
I know that I've let you down  
And if you give me a chance  
Believe that I can change  
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

She said "If we're gonna make this work  
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts  
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"  
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be  
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

I'll do whatever it takes  
To turn this around  
I know what's at stake  
I know that I've let you down  
And if you give me a chance  
And give me a break  
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better

But remember the time I told you the way that I felt  
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself  
Let's hold onto each other above everything else  
Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes  
To turn this around  
I know what's at stake  
I know I've let you down  
And if you give me a chance  
and believe that I can change  
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

(Whatever it Takes – Lifehouse)


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I'm over it.

A/N: So here's one to get you through the weekend. I think the Tori/Johnathan fans will be happy with where this goes. I've been waiting 4 chapters to get to this. The song at the end is actually the inspiration for my wanting to write this. Please read and review...it will make me warm and fuzzy on monday morning. (waits patiently for happy hour and a few Crown and Cokes)

* * *

Tori and Johnathan were greeted by Andy and his wife Sabrina as they arrived at the ranch. Hannah and Samari practically tackled Andy, immediately dragging him toward the barn to see the horses. Johnathan gave Tori a kiss then followed Andy and the girls, taking the opportunity to talk to his brother.

Tori and Sabrina walked into the house. Sabrina sensed that Tori was uncomfortable so cut right to the point. "Tori? Are you really ok?"

"Yeah, I am. I wasn't but it's getting better." She knew Sabrina probably knew all the unsavory details. "Neither of us are saints…we both made mistakes now we have to live them and move on."

"Are you sure you can do that?" Sabrina asked. "How can you be sure…"

"He won't do it again?...I can't. But I can't walk away either. I love him." Tori said resolutely.

Sabrina smiled, "I know, he loves you too. You two really surprised everyone… no one expected you to actually stay together. But it was like you were different people after you got married."

"I think that's the problem, we're in love with who we _were_, not who we are now." Tori sounded depressed.

"A lot of things changed, you gave up a lot." Sabrina had always known that taking Tori from her old life and asking her to be a stay at home mom in Homer Alaska was a risky move on Johnathan's part. She and Andy were hoping they could get them to realize what had changed and remember why they fell in love in the first place.

"I wouldn't do anything different, it that's what you mean. I love my life and my family." Tori reassured her.

"I know you do…but you _can_ have both you know." Sabrina gave her a wink.

Tori had never considered the idea that she had options and always assumed that Johnathan would fight her. He was extremely protective of her and it seemed like he had forgotten the strong independent woman she used to be. "I wish…I'm not sure he wants the old me back." She decided to go check on the girls and make sure that Johnathan and Andy weren't letting them run wild.

Out in the barn, Andy was showing the girls the horses. They were very excited to be staying there for a few days and Johnathan was certain he was going to end up buying them horses by the time all was said and done.

"Wow they got big!" Andy said giving Johnathan a slap on the shoulder. He looked over the little girls in their tiny Time Bandit hoodies as they stood on hay bales to reach over the stalls. "How the hell do you tell them apart?"

"You owe a quarter Uncle Andy!" Hannah shouted.

Johnathan laughed, "You have to give them a quarter every time you cuss. I just gave 'em a twenty yesterday…figured I'm set till probably Tuesday. But telling them apart is actually real easy," Johnathan explained. "See Hannah there…her hair does this funny thing in the front…makes it fall in her face. Tori's got the same thing. Samari…this is the giveaway…" he said grabbing Samari so she turned around smiling. "See the dimples…there's a few other little differences but it's really in the attitude you see it."

"They actually look so much like you guys…it's creepy." Andy said nodding his head. They walked down the barn a bit so they could talk. "So I notice you guys looked pretty cozy…she's staying?"

"Yeah, she was ready to leave though. I really thought I lost her…" Johnathan was clearly upset by everything that had happened.

"Well I guess what counts is that she's here…and looks like she want to be." Andy said reassuringly.

"I love her Andy…I don't know what the fuck I was thinkin." Johnathan finally broke down. He sat down on a nearby bench dropping his head into his hands. Andy sat down next to him. He knew his brother loved Tori deeply and had expected this. He was just glad Tori had decided to stay since he was sure Johnathan would completely fall apart if she left.

"John, she loves you…she wants to work it out. Otherwise she'd already be long gone." Andy said.

"Andy she has a fucking back up plan…Seattle, going back to work and who the hell knows what that could mean and a custody arrangement. What do I do?" His voice was getting shaky.

"You talk to her…and you may have to make some compromises. I know that I wasn't really supportive of you two from the beginning. I knew you were either going to be the best or worst thing to ever happen to each other. You guys just…didn't really think about the future." Andy reminded him.

"Tori said the same thing." Johnathan resigned.

"Really?" Andy was glad someone was thinking clearly.

"Yeah…I've been…denied…if you know what I mean." He said rolling his eyes. "She thinks that sex makes us make bad decisions."

Andy started to laugh. "Well if one of you had that thought five years ago you wouldn't be in this mess now."

"Yeah, but I wouldn't have them." He motioned toward the kids. "And I wouldn't have Tori, and I can't imagine my life now without her."

Andy nudged Johnathan to look up. As he wiped something from his eye and turned to the open barn door he saw Tori standing there. He wondered how much she had heard. Andy got up and walked over to Hannah and Samari. "Let's go see what Aunt Bri is making for dinner." He strolled out of the barn with the twins attached at each hand. He paused at the door and whispered to Tori, "Give him a break…I think he actually cried and I'm not sure I've ever seen that before."

She walked down toward Johnathan who was staring down at the floor. She quietly sat next to him, placing her hand on his. They sat silent for some time, Johnathan kissing her hand a few times. Finally, knowing that he had completely broken down, Tori climbed over onto his lap facing him. As he looked up into her blue eyes she placed her hands on his face and said, "John, I forgive you…now you have to forgive yourself. I want the old you back, the old_ us_ back."

"I do too. This isn't how it's supposed to be…we're gonna change it." He said running his hands around her waist.

"Yeah, we are…If we weren't supposed to be together do you honestly think we would have made it this far?" She smiled and began kissing him softly. This combined with where she was positioned and how easily he could get his hands all over her made easy for them to lose themselves for a few minutes. By the time they had regained any self control they were breathing heavy and practically sweating.

"John, we have to stop…" Tori tried to pull away.

"Um, no we don't…" Johnathan gave her his trademark smile, knowing that she would have a hard time resisting.

"Yeah…we do." She got up quickly fixing her clothes and hair. "We should go inside…now."

Johnathan gave a heavy sigh, "You can't blame a guy for tryin." He pulled her over and gave her a playful kiss. They walked up to the house hand in hand. When they entered Sabrina was getting dinner on the table with the "help" of the twins. Andy noticed Johnathan and Tori holding hands along with their disheveled look and gave Sabrina a nudge, "I think our strategy might work." She gave a wink in agreement.

After dinner they got the girls to bed then retired to the guest room where they would be sleeping. The room looked suspiciously romantic with lots of candles and a bottle of wine with two glasses. Johnathan shook his head and decided he needed a cold shower and headed into the attached bathroom. Tori had to laugh because she knew he was frustrated and didn't realize she wanted him just as badly. She lay on the bed sipping some wine, replaying over and over in her mind how good his hands felt on her until she couldn't take it anymore.

She got up and went into the bathroom. She quickly stripped off her clothes and climbed into the shower with Johnathan. She ran her hands over his chest and started kissing him along the way.

"Angel…what are you doing?" He said trying to maintain his composure.

"I don't want to wait any longer." That's all she had to say and he spun her around against the shower wall pressing his body against hers. As she wrapped one leg around him granting him easier access there was no stopping this time. From the shower to the bathroom sink then on to the bed and the floor somewhere in between, they finally fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

When they woke up it was clear that the lack of sleep before an early flight was a small price to pay for how much better they felt. "Don't worry, you can sleep on the plane." Johnathan said watching Tori struggle to get herself ready.

"Still not telling me where we are going?" she asked.

"Nope, you'll figure it out." He smiled.

When they left the ranch it was hard for Tori since other than her recent run to Dutch Harbor, she had never left the girls. "They'll be fine…they're gonna have so much fun they won't even notice we're gone." Johnathan reassured her.

"Anything special we should know?" Sabrina asked.

"No, I don't think so. Samari likes a story at night…Just have Andy tell her a fishing story…she loves them. Hannah can be a little…bold. Just don't let her think it's cute." Tori explained. "Oh and apparently they can eat whatever they want." She shot Johnathan a sarcastic glare.

"We've got it under control. You guys have fun and try to relax." Andy said

Tori slept on the plane as Johnathan had expected. She had a pretty good idea where they were headed since this flight took them to Boston. From there they got a rental car and drove up to Gloucester which is what she had suspected he had in mind.

"Where are we staying?" she asked, wondering which Inn he had chosen since she knew them all given the amount of time she used to spend there and he was driving straight down to the harbor. He never gave her an answer, just parked the car near the docks and got out. Before she could ask any more questions he grabbed her hand and started walking down the docks. As they reached the far end of the dock, she suddenly realized where they were. They were standing in the exact place they had met years ago when she happened to dock the Archangel where Johnathan happened to be taking a walk. Docked in the same spot…was the Archangel. Even with new paint and a new name she would know it anywhere.

"I borrowed it for a few days" Johnathan said with a smile.

"You know…I never cried before I met you…never." She said, tears welling up in her eyes.

"It's not always a bad thing is it?" He said pulling her into a kiss.

* * *

Going Back to the corner  
where I first saw you  
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag  
I'm not gonna move  
Got some words on cardboard,  
got your picture in my hand  
saying, "if you see this girl  
can you tell her where I am"

Some try to hand me money,  
they don't understand  
I'm not broke, I'm just  
a broken hearted man  
I know it makes no sense  
but what else can I do?  
How can I move on  
when I'm still in love with you?

Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me  
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be  
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet  
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street  
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says "son you can't stay here"  
I said, "there's someone I'm waiting for  
If it's a day, a month, a year"  
Gotta stand my ground even if  
it rains or snows  
If she changes her mind  
this is the first place she will go

Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me  
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be  
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet  
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street  
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving  
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl  
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Maybe I'll get famous  
as the man who can't be moved  
Maybe you won't mean to  
but you'll see me on the news  
And you'll come running to the corner  
cause you'll know it's just for you  
I'm the man who can't be moved  
I'm the man who can't be moved

Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me  
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be  
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet  
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street  
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving  
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you  
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move

(The Man who Can't be moved – The Script)


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Here's your disclaimer.....

A/N: Really wrote this quick, wont be able to update for a few...(Passover and all). Give me lots of reviews please!!!!!!

* * *

As Tori descended the stairs in the cabin it was a feeling of déjà vu. She had spent the bulk of her adult life on this boat and walking away from it had been the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. A decision that she had always known was the right one and had never questioned. On the table was a bottle of champagne and a note. As Johnathan picked it up he laughed and handed it to Tori. "Apparently this is for you." As she looked at it she knew what he meant since it was written in Greek.

She laughed nervously as she read it. "He wants us to have a good time and try to bring it back in one piece."

"And…" Johnathan knew there was more.

"Gun is in the bottom drawer…" She looked up at Johnathan, "Didn't think that part through did ya? You know there are people out here who know who I am and if anyone sees me…"

"Angel…stop. I'm not worried about it. I can't keep you hidden in Homer forever. I trust you." He was actually praying that her years away had washed Captain Victoria Mason from people's minds but knew that she still harbored secrets that she may never tell him and honestly he may never want to know. "So…Captain…if you're ready, I think we should get going." He said smiling.

"I hope you know what you're getting into. This isn't like the Time Bandit. You don't sit on your ass and drive…you actually have to sail it." She informed him.

"How hard can it be? I mean you did it for years and you're…." He stopped when he realized he was about to get into trouble.

"Say it Hillstrand…I dare you." She raised her eyebrow. "Cause I'll kick your ass before we even set sail."

"Don't go threatening me with a good time or we'll never get out of here." He said grabbing her and biting her neck. She gave him a shove back and began a crash course on the physics of energy capture and wind shear along with enough terminology that he was sure she would be doing a lot of yelling about how useless he was for most of the trip. "Ok, I get it…I'm fucked. Just tell me what to do and I'll try to do it."

"לא, אני חושב שאני זו היא נדפקה כאן." (No, I think I'm the one that's fucked here.) She mumbled to herself as she climbed to the wheel. "Raise the main sail…it's the halyard…that one!" She was trying to get him to grab the right line. Johnathan established he was going to fail miserably at this but didn't seem to care. He was completely turned on by this side of Tori, he always had been. He thought he must be crazy to not have done this before.

Tori decided they would make a coastal cruise to New York where they were supposed to meet Mikos to return the boat. She didn't want to get out in the open ocean with just Johnathan with her as she was certain they'd sink. When they moored at night he did his best to make up for all the grief he caused her all day, a system that Tori seemed agreeable to since she was getting completely spoiled. But after they went to sleep is when things changed. Every night Tori woke up in tears or screaming. Johnathan at first thought it was nerves from being away from the girls but figured out that it probably had more to do with being back in this setting. As they neared the end of the trip he decided he was going to try to get her to talk about it. As he held her in his arms after she woke from another nightmare he asked, "Victoria please talk to me. I need to know."

"No you don't." She said wiping her eyes and trying to roll over.

"Yeah, I kinda do. Tori please." He pleaded with her.

"You want to know? Every time I close my eyes I see the last time I was in New York. The three days I spent locked in a room getting the crap beat out of me. They almost killed me…and our daughters…and I'm sorry if I felt like that was a memory that only one of us needed." She was now crying uncontrollably.

"No one is ever gonna touch you again Tori." He hadn't realized that coming back to New York was going to trigger this.

"אני אני פאקינג חלשה, זה לא יכול לקרות." (I'm fucking weak, this can't happen.) She was starting to feel completely helpless and she hated that.

"Ok…I got the cursing part but that as much Hebrew as I can get here…" Johnathan said doing his best to calm her down.

She smiled at him, not sure if he actually understood anything or it was a natural assumption. "I'm ok, it just pisses me off. I couldn't…stop it. I wasn't strong enough and I think we both know I even worse off now." She got up and pulled the gun from the bottom drawer and made sure it was loaded. "I'm just not taking any chances that I get a welcoming party."

"I shouldn't have made you come here." Johnathan pulled her back into bed kissing her head.

"No, I needed to do this. I need to face it." She wrapped her arms around him, snuggling against his shoulder.

"Try to get some sleep Angel." He whispered.

"Don't worry, I never really sleep out here…never have." She said closing her eyes.

The next morning Tori's mood had not improved. She had caught her hand when a sail slug had jammed that Johnathan couldn't figure out and was cursing and throwing things around the deck. "I can't believe I'm not even strong enough to pull this fucking thing…"

"Maybe you should eat more…" Johnathan said sarcastically.

"Don't try to be cute…" She shot back.

"Oh, but I am cute…you know you think so…" he said pulling her away from the rigging.

"We don't have time for this…we need to get in." She said pushing him off her.

"Come on…this is our last day…alone." He said as he ran his hands up her shirt.

"Well, since you put it that way." She dropped the anchor resigning that they were close enough to see the dock and what was a few more hours. They decided since they had already left the cabin in pristine condition that they would just do it right there on deck not caring for a second that anyone else approaching the harbor may notice.

"Well, that was a first." Tori said as she fired the kicker engine to bring them in.

"What?" Johnathan asked.

"The deck…I've never done that…weird considering how long I owned this boat." She said casually.

"Glad I could be some use to you this trip." He answered laughing.

As they docked, Mikos arrived driving a rental car for them to take to the airport. Tori and Johnathan had enjoyed their vacation but were anxious to get back to the girls and it was about to get more urgent. As Tori stood near the car, a voice rang out from behind her. "Captain Mason…I'm sorry I meant Hillstrand."

Tori spun around to see an older looking man, his hand already revealing a sidearm under his coat, "don't even think about it Victoria…you aren't that fast anymore."

"What do you want?" She said sternly, reaching for Johnathan, pulling him close to her.

"Just making sure you aren't considering…coming back. I can't imagine you'd want to leave those beautiful little girls." He continued in a haunting voice.

"I'm retired…you know that." She said coldly, "Stay away from my children…I swear I'll…"

"Tori, who's he?" Johnathan spoke. He had a pretty good idea that this was the person she was so scared of.

"This is Armand. An old associate." She answered, not sure where this was going to go.

"Stay away from my family." Johnathan started.

The man nodded to Johnathan, "Victoria good to see you again." He started to walk away then turned back to Johnathan, "I'd have never touched her if I had known…I'm not that much of a monster."

As he disappeared down the dock, Tori clung to Johnathan. Mikos stood shaking his head, "That guy has some nerve; I'd have taken him out myself except I know he isn't alone." He looked suspiciously up and down the docks.

"We need to go; we need to get the girls." Tori said nervously.

"Angel, he's just trying to scare you." Johnathan said rubbing her shoulders.

"Well it worked." She snapped.

"Tori, I'm certain he's been nowhere near them, everyone around here knows about them…it's not like it's a secret that you got married or any of the rest of it." Mikos assured her.

"I know…" Tori took a deep breath, "I'm overreacting; I just want to get home."

A few weeks ago this was the last thing that would have come from her mouth and the last thing Johnathan would have expected. But he was happy that she had faced her fear and had gotten a little bit of herself back on this trip, the little bit that he found irresistible. Tori realized that there was no place in the world she wanted to be more that in Alaska with Johnathan. She hoped that this was just the beginning and it wasn't just some sort of magic on the Archangel that made everything between them so perfect. As they drove to the airport she had one nagging problem on her mind; the woman that had made him stray and would she try to hold on to him.

* * *

Woke up this mornin' Got yourself a gun  
Mama always said you'd be the chosen one  
She said, 'You're one in a million  
You got to burn to shine'  
That you were born under a bad sign  
With a blue moon in your eyes (yeah)

Woke up this mornin'  
And-a all that love had gone  
Your papa never told you  
About right and wrong

But you're, but you're looking good, baby  
I believe you're a-feelin' fine  
Shame about it, born under a bad sign  
With a blue moon in your eyes

I see ya woke up this mornin'  
The world turned upside down  
Lordy, but a-things ain't been the same  
Since the blues walked in-a town

(Woke up this mornin')  
You got a blue moon  
(Got a blue moon in your eyes)  
(I gotta free your eyes)  
(Woke up this mornin')  
So sad, god-damned  
A god-damned shame about it

When you woke up this morning  
Everything was gone  
By half past ten your head was going  
Ding-dong ringin' like a bell  
From your head down to your toes  
Like some voice tryin' to tell you  
There's somethin' you should know  
Last night you was flyin' but today you're so low  
Ain't it times like these  
Makes you wonder (go back) if you'll ever know  
The meaning of things as they appear to the others  
Wives, husbands, mothers  
Fathers, sisters and brothers (tell 'em go home)  
Don't you wish you didn't function  
Don't you wish you didn't think  
Beyond the next paycheck and the next little drink  
Well, you do so make up your mind to go on  
'Cause when you woke up this mornin'  
Ev'rything you had was gone

Woke up this mornin' and  
(My dreams gone bad)  
Got yourself a gun (gotta hold, a-wind yourself up)  
A-got yourself a gun  
Got yourself a gun.

(Woke Up This Morning – Alabama 3)


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: You really should know by now.

A/N: Do you know how hard it is to sit through your passover feast when Bristol Bay Brawl is on? No really...I kept going ot the living room to watch as my husband puts it "the guy my wife wants to trade me in for" (laughs at husband...seriously considers the possibilty) So I just had to write something...this is sort of a transitional chapter that sets up the next part of the story. Please review...it makes me happy!

* * *

Sitting on the plane Tori was silent. Johnathan reached over and touched her arm causing her to jump. "Sorry Angel…you ok?"

"Yeah, I just want to get the girls and go home." She smiled, but he knew it was fake.

"How bout the truth this time?" He pressed. "You never have to worry about those people again. Mikos was right; it isn't like we could hide them. There's fucking cameras everywhere we go. Armand has probably seen them on TV or something…did the math and figured it out."

"I know. Really, I'm over it…pissed off, but over it." She replied.

"So what is it then?" He had already figured it out and wanted to talk about it if she did.

"Just worried about going back to…reality." She looked up at him, "and…_her_."

"I dealt with it…I swear." He said.

"And? You think she's just going to go away because you told her you weren't leaving your wife?" Tori started laughing. "Wow, you really are clueless aren't you?"

"Tori, I love you. I told her that." Johnathan knew that what he was saying did sound kind of stupid. "Listen…you have to know that I never loved her and I never told her that I did."

"That's supposed to make me feel better?" She was trying to stay calm, not wanting to fight already. "That you can just have casual sex with someone you don't love…oh that's right , that's how _we_ started out."

"No…we didn't, that was different." He was now into the discussion that he had been dreading for weeks and it wasn't looking good. "And you know that…I'm not fighting with you because I can't win and I just get into more shit." He knew he was no match for her in a full verbal assault.

"Well at least you've learned something." She snipped. "All I'm saying is that she isn't going to drop off the face of the planet because you'd like her to. She's going to be…around and _we_ are going to have to deal with it." Tori was aware that Jen worked at the bar in Dutch and she was now going to have to trust Johnathan every time he left. "I know you're going to run into her. There's nothing I can do about it so I have to deal with it. I have to trust you, I don't have a choice."

"I don't want her…I never did, I have no clue what I was thinking. I'll make sure she stays away. Actually I have a…plan" He said hesitantly.

"Oh I can't wait to hear this." Tori gave a snide smile.

"Well, you know how we agreed that the girls could start coming out for tendering when they were old enough?" He didn't get any more than out when Tori's face had gone almost blue.

"John we said eight was old enough…and that's really just because _you_ said it was old enough and in case you lost count they're _four_!"

"Let me finish…" He took her hand, "I think they will be fine…as long as their mother is with us." Tori said nothing, just sat biting her lip as he continued. "It'll be fun. And it's been a while since you were…around. It would make me very happy to have my wife and daughters with me when I pick up the Time Bandit for Togiak."

"I just don't know…they're just little girls John." Tori didn't think he had really thought this through but he had.

"They're Hillstrands…" He leaned over and kissed her.

"Fine." She said. "You win, I don't know what I'm gonna do with you."

"I can think of a few things but we should probably wait till we're off the plane." He smirked, kissing her again.

Andy was waiting for them when the plane landed. As they drove back to the ranch he was happy to see that they had obviously had a good trip based on the fact that they couldn't keep their hands off each other. "The kids had a blast, they're like…really smart." He said. "And what's with the bacon obsession?"

"They had never had it before…till _very _recently." Tori gave Johnathan a shot in back of the head.

"Ouch, fuck! It's good for em." He said rubbing his head.

"Well they gave Sabrina a run for her money, that's for sure. I've never seen her this tired." Andy said laughing. "They have a lot of energy…but I think you were like that bro."

"She said yes." Johnathan gave Andy a knowing look.

"Get the fuck out? Tori you're letting them go fishing?" Andy had known his brother wanted to bring them but was sure Tori wouldn't allow it.

"They're not fishing its tendering and I'll be there so…yeah he talked me into it." She resigned.

"That's Awesome. You guys will love it…oh yeah…I believe Tori's been out tendering before." Andy joked referring to the time Johnathan brought her onto the Time Bandit without him knowing.

"Yeah it was fun. I think it will be good _family time_ for us." She said.

Upon returning to the ranch they were greeted by screaming twins and a frazzled looking Sabrina. "How was it? Tell me everything…" Sabrina grabbed Tori pulling her into the house while Johnathan began handing out the ridiculous amount of presents he and Tori had gotten the girls.

"It was…good." Tori said looking at Sabrina's ruffled hair. "I hope they weren't too much…just too much."

"Oh no…they were actually a lot of fun…but you can definitely have them back now." She laughed. "So just good. You guys look a little more than good."

"Ok, it was way more than good. We should have done this years ago. We just got…busy, I guess." Tori shrugged. "Did the kids…ask anything?"

"They knew you two were unhappy but they don't know why. They have no idea how bad anything was." Sabrina said reassuringly.

"We're taking them out on the Time Bandit for herring." Tori said brightly.

"Really?" Sabrina looked very serious. "Are you sure that's a good idea? They're so young."

"I know, but neither of us is really cut out to be stuck on dry land so the sooner they adapt to that the better. I really would like to get back out there." Tori said truthfully. "I'm not sure doing what, but I gotta do something."

"Yeah, you do. Well, tendering is pretty safe…and you'll have Fourtner to help you." She said as they both started laughing.

Johnathan was using his limited knowledge of _the rules_, inventing new ones as needed, to get Hannah and Samari to get their things in the car and get ready to go. "Alright, now we just need your mother." He said sending them to the house to retrieve Tori. "Thanks again for watching them. Tori and I needed this."

"I know bro. You should probably know that Neal called, he's finished with all the repairs but I guess Jen ambushed him every time he left the boat. And that was only after he told her she wasn't allowed _on_ the boat." Andy said shaking his head.

"I was afraid of that. She wasn't too happy last time I talked to her. I told her it was over, not to call me, not to come to the boat." Johnathan insisted.

"I don't think she's giving up that easy. She was hammering Neal with all kinds of questions about you and Tori. He told her that you were away with your family and that if she knew what was good for her she'd move on and not push Victoria." Andy secretly wanted nothing more than to see Tori toss Jen off the docks of Dutch Harbor. He had been keen to the fact that Jen was nothing more than an opportunist that was hoping to latch on to Johnathan and get on camera to further her modeling career. After meeting Johnathan at a fan event she had actually moved to Unalaska and taken a job in Dutch to be close to him…and the cameras. Andy had never trusted her but knew that trying to tell Johnathan what was or wasn't good for him was like talking to a wall. He was actually glad that Tori had caught him and the whole fiasco could end.

"Fuck. I never told her I was leaving Tori…never. I don't know why the hell she would assume I was going to." Johnathan said running his hand over his face.

"I think she thought she could convince you. Johnathan, I hate to tell you this but you know what she was after, right?" Andy asked.

"Yeah, she wanted to get famous. I know that." Johnathan had always known that but chose to ignore it. "She wanted the connections and the cameras…ironically all the things that Tori tries like hell to avoid."

"You know, Jen would kill for half the offers that Tori's gotten over the years." Andy motioned that Tori and the girls were approaching. "Just watch your back bro."

Johnathan nodded, "Hey Angel, you ready? We have a flight to catch."

"Yeah, I just called Kelly; she's going to pick us up at the airport." Tori said sounding relieved.

Tori had never been so happy to be home as they pulled up in front of the house. They girls were sound asleep so she and Kelly carried them into the house and left Johnathan to deal with the bags. They set straight to putting Hannah and Samari in bed then returned to the kitchen. Johnathan was already on the couch, remote in hand.

As Kelly made tea, she looked to Tori, "I got all the messages off the phone this morning when I got here. Your dad is in…Indonesia?...Tanzania? I don't know, but call him. Johnathan's publicist, pissed off he didn't leave a number where he could be reached…blah…blah. Then there was a few from _her_. Quite a few."

"She called here? Are you fucking serious?!" Tori was now livid.

"Oh yeah, she isn't happy. Something about she gave up her apartment to move here and he wasn't going to just walk away from her." Kelly considered stopping there but didn't. She hadn't wrote any of this down, but listened to the ranting message enough times to have committed to memory. "Then she said something like, hopes he's having a good time with his…frumpy…old…"

"Yeah Kel, I get it…Johnathan!" She shouted, shaking him from his relaxed state on the couch. "Call that little slut of yours and…" She was practically hyperventilating.

"Shhhhhh…" Johnathan wrapped his arms around her, "relax…what happened."

"Your trollup called, a few times…you really know how to pick em pal." Kelly smirked at him.

"You're not helping here. I don't even know how she got this number." He said desperately. "Tori, it's alright. We'll change the phone number, done."

"Thank you." Tori said hugging him. "I knew she wasn't going away that easily."

* * *

You have my heart  
And we'll never be worlds apart  
Maybe in magazines  
But you'll still be my star

Baby ?cause in the dark  
You can't see shiny cars  
And that's when you need me there  
With you I'll always share  
Because

When the sun shines, we?ll shine together  
Told you I'll be here forever  
Said I'll always be a friend  
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out till the end

Now that it's raining more than ever  
Know that we'll still have each other  
You can stand under my umbrella  
You can stand under my umbrella

These fancy things, will never come in between  
You're part of my entity, here for infinity  
When the war has took it's part  
When the world has dealt it's cards  
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart  
Because

When the sun shines, we?ll shine together  
Told you I'll be here forever  
Said I'll always be a friend  
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out till the end

Now that it's raining more than ever  
Know that we'll still have each other  
You can stand under my umbrella  
You can stand under my umbrella

You can run into my arms  
It's okay don't be alarmed  
Come here to me  
There's no distance in between our love

So go on and let the rain pour  
I'll be all you need and more  
Because

When the sun shines, we?ll shine together  
Told you I'll be here forever  
Said I'll always be a friend  
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out till the end

Now that it's raining more than ever  
Know that we'll still have each other  
You can stand under my umbrella  
You can stand under my umbrella

It's raining  
Ooh baby it's raining  
You can always come here to me  
Come here to me

(Umbreall – Rihanna)


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: It's my bithday so I'm not giving you one!

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated, last week sucked...bad. I fell off Archangel (because something broke making a HOLE) she is in dry dock so no cushy water landing and I had to have surgery to put my right hand back together (very Anakin Skywalker) Attended my birthday party all bandaged up (but still suceeded in certain liver damage). SO...here I am. This is the chapter some of you have been waiting for...let the ass-kicking begin! Please read and review...It will help the pain!

* * *

Johnathan made good on his promise and immediately had the home phone number changed so that with any luck Jen wouldn't be able to continue upsetting Tori. They were making good progress toward putting their lives back together and he wasn't about to let Jen throw a wrench into things. Tori was getting back to normal but that included the resetting of her easily triggered temper. Kelly had talked her into a yoga class thinking it would help with stress and get her away from her unrealistic running and exercise regimen that was at this point doing her more harm than good. Kelly ended up having to compromise when after a few visits to the gym Tori had decided that kick boxing was a better outlet for her particular brand of stress but agreed to give up the other stuff and start eating normal again. It didn't take long for her to regain her playboy figure which made Johnathan happy. He had also managed not to make her cry for weeks, this alone was impressive considering that she had to help him tear apart their entire bedroom to find his wedding band that he admitted he couldn't remember the last time he wore. But to his surprise, he was again forgiven with a smile however assured it would be welded to his hand if necessary.

They had arrived in Dutch to pick up the Time Bandit where it had been docked for repairs since they returned from opilio fishing. Kelly had declined to come along since she was certain she'd be sea sick and was intent on keeping her feet on dry land. The twins were excited to the point of frenzy about going fishing. As their parents carried them down the docks, everyone was stopping them to get a look at the little Hillstrand girls and fuss over them. Tori hadn't brought them since they were babies, she didn't like the fact that the producers wanted so much footage of them and it always made her nervous that they would be on TV. Her concern was obviously with good reason given their recent experience back east. But during tendering seasons the cameras weren't there so she figured it would be quiet. The only people she had to contend with were friends of Johnathan's from other boats, and a few fans/tourists. Most people just wanted to say hello and remark how beautiful they were, a few asked for pictures, which Tori wasn't completely comfortable with but Johnathan always said yes. He never passed up an opportunity to show off his girls or brag about how amazing they were.

Samari almost jumped out of Johnathan's arms when she saw the Time Bandit. "Look! Our boat!" She screamed to her sister.

"Yup, there she is…now remember what me and your mom told you guys. You've gotta listen and follow all the rules…ok?" He reminded them. They nodded their heads and glanced at each other giving a few telling looks back and forth. This always made Johnathan nervous because he swore they were somehow plotting telepathically.

Neal was on deck to greet them, "Hey there's the newest crew members!" Johnathan and Tori handed the girls over the rail to him then climbed on board. "Hey guys, Fourtner's picking up supplies and just so you know, the greenhorn never showed up so I called in some backup."

"There's my girls!" Scott Hillstrand had emerged on deck, running over and grabbing his little sisters and squeezing them causing them to giggle and shriek.

"What are you doin' here?" Johnathan asked. He knew Scott probably rather be home with his own family.

"It's too late to get another greenhorn and seriously do you really wanna go that route?" He motioned over to Tori, "I mean didn't she disfigure the last one? Besides…I didn't want to miss their first time out." He grabbed their pink duffle bags and looked to Tori. "I'll get them settled in; they can bunk with me, that way you don't have to worry about them wandering at night."

"Thanks Scott, that's a huge help. They're going to have so much fun with you here." Tori had been sure that they would have to keep the girls in the stateroom with them to keep tabs on them which would definitely put a cramp in any alone time she and Johnathan wanted. "Listen you two…You do not go anywhere without Scotty, Uncle Neal or Mike. You got it?"

"Yes Mama." Hannah nodded grabbing Samari as if to take off at a run.

"Whoa!" Johnathan barked, "What else?"

"No runnin, and we gots to have life jackets on outside." Samari said sounding very proud that she had an answer.

"Ok, go ahead. Scott don't let them walk all over ya!" Johnathan yelled after them as they disappeared inside. "This is gonna be one hell of a season." He had come to the realization that instead of no women, the Time Bandit now had three on board and he could almost feel his hair turning grey. He reached over and grabbed Tori, wrapping his arms around her waist, "What do you say we go get settled in and head down for a drink, Scott and Neal won't mind watching the girls for an hour or so. I wanna make an appearance down there if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I guess the sooner we get it over with the better. Have you heard from her…don't lie either." Tori sounded deadly serious.

"No, not a thing. I'm hoping she just went home." He hoped that Jen had gone back to LA since her only reason for being up there was him and he had informed her that he was in no way ending his marriage for her.

***

Meanwhile at the bar Jen was looking out the windows every five seconds, she had noticed a lot of activity on the Time Bandit earlier and assumed that they were getting ready to head out. She knew if Johnathan were in town he would definitely be in for a drink, he was nothing if not predictable. She figured if she played her cards right by the end of the night she'd be back in his bed. She was pulled out of her thoughts by the sounds of a few dock workers coming in and sitting down at the bar. As she continued wiping tables she couldn't help but hear part of a conversation that immediately had her full attention.

"Can you believe Johnathan Hillstrand already has his girls going out?" Said a gruff older looking man.

There were a few chuckles and another man chimed in, "Yeah I can believe it, he's crazy. Besides, it's a family thing, even his wife rather be out there than on land, it was only a matter of time."

"Yup, all the rules on that boat changed when he met her, that's for sure." Said the first, "I think we're seeing the future of the Time Bandit" The men sat and joked a bit about how they never thought they'd see the day there were women on the Time Bandit and then got around to the observations regarding Tori's "hotness" factor. Jen's blood was boiling and she couldn't listen to anymore so she casually walked over to them leaning over the bar trying to look as sweet and innocent as possible.

"Did I hear you guys say that Johnathan's wife is in Dutch?" She asked blinking her green eyes.

"Yup, and the little girls, I guess this is their first trip out with their dad." One of the men answered her not really paying attention to the question but more to her flirtatious smile.

"Really…wow, cause I heard they weren't…you know, really together anymore." She baited him hoping for some dirt.

"They sure as hell looked together on the docks this afternoon." He laughed elbowing the man next to him. Jen turned and stalked off into the back room. She had never actually seen Tori but every time someone mentioned her it always seemed to be followed by a comment about how beautiful she was or how Johnathan was with her and it made her insanely jealous. She quickly checked her hair and makeup wanting to look her best in case Johnathan came in. She wanted to be as intimidating to Tori as possible but hoped that she would stay on the boat with the girls and Johnathan would come in alone. As she emerged back out into the bar, she realized she was out of luck.

Seated at the bar was Johnathan…and next to him was her worst nightmare. She slowly walked through the bar hoping they didn't notice her while she got a good look at her competition. Tori was more beautiful than she had expected and she never dreamed that she would have a body like that after having twins. She leaned in the corner with another waitress, Megan, who was well aware of her fling with Johnathan.

"So…that's her. I guess no one was really exaggerating were they?" Megan said shaking her head.

"I know damn it. I thought she'd be fatter…and I don't know…plain." Jen said curling her lip. She was sure that Johnathan knew she was there and was a little annoyed that he didn't even look like he cared. "Well I guess I better put on my a-game."

"What? You're not going over there are you? Jen, that's just tacky! He dumped you, let it go!" Megan implored her. "Be honest you only wanted to try to get in front of the cameras…there are plenty of other guys out there that can do that for you…in places better than Alaska!"

"No way, I gave him way too much to walk away without a fight." Jen was realizing now seeing him with his wife that she wanted more. "I thought he really…I just thought we had something and I wanna know what she has that I don't."

"You mean other than a wedding ring and his children?" Megan shook her head knowing that this was going nowhere good. "Jen, seriously this is a bad idea." But it was too late; Jen was already headed over to them.

Johnathan saw Jen approaching and immediately got up and intercepted her before she could get near Tori. "Listen, don't start anything."

"Start anything? No Johnathan you started this. Now I get to finish it." She spat at him.

"I'm asking you to have some self respect and walk away. This is between me and you, and I told you we're over. Going after Tori is not going to get you anywhere but in more trouble than you want. I'm sorry if you thought this was something it wasn't, but I'm married and I plan on staying that way." He was waiting for Tori to come unglued and there to be serious bloodshed if he couldn't convince Jen to walk away.

"Really? Cause that isn't what you were telling me for months! But fine, you want to go play house with your half breed wife and kids that's just fine by me…" Those were that last words she got out before her head was swiftly pinned on the bar.

"אי פעם לא עלבון הילדים שלי. And so that you understand that means _Do not ever insult my children_!" Tori had Jen by the neck in a death grip.

"Tori…let her go, she isn't worth it. She's doing this because I chose you." Johnathan said calmly.

"Get this fucking bitch off me Johnathan!" Jen didn't sound like she could breathe very well and was turning purple.

"I'm going to say this once and I'll make sure to use a language that any _breed_ can understand…Stay away from my husband. Because I promise you…" She leaned in close to Jen's ear and whispered "…it will hurt." She stepped back releasing her hold on the blond. Johnathan stood taking a deep breath relieved that it was over.

"Come on Angel, we should get back and check on the girls." He tugged her hand.

"Yeah, we should." She turned and they walked out the door together. Once outside Johnathan grabbed her so he could look at her face, he wasn't sure how she was going to deal now that it was out in the open. "I'm fine." She said knowing exactly what he was thinking. Her cool tone and even breathing was scaring him, it was like nothing had phased her at all. "Really…" she stood on her toes and gave him a peck, "let's go, the girls probably want dinner and I don't even want to think what Fourtner might feed them." It amazed him how she could go from would be assassin to loving wife/mother in a nanosecond.

"Fuck, you scare me." He shook his head as they walked back to the boat.

"Well let's hope I scared her. She was really mad at you John. She obviously thought you were having more than a casual relationship." Tori eyed him waiting for some kind of explanation but he just shrugged. Tori had an uneasy suspicion that they hadn't heard the last from Jen and she was prepared to go as far as needed to protect her family, even if Johnathan would never know how far that was.

* * *

Another ringer with the slick trigger finger for Her Majesty  
Another one with the golden tone voice and then your fantasy  
Another bill from a killer turned a thrill into a tragedy

A door left open  
A woman walking by  
A drop in the water  
A look in the eye  
A phone on the table  
A man on your side  
Someone that you think that you can trust is just  
Another way to die

Another tricky little gun giving solace to the one that will never see the sunshine  
Another inch of your life sacrificed for your brother in the nick of time  
Another dirty money, heaven sent honey turning on a dime

Another girl with her finger on the world singing do what you wanna hear  
Another gun thrown down and surrendered took away your fear  
Another man that stands right behind you looking in the mirror

A door left open  
A woman walking by  
A drop in the water  
A look in the eye  
A phone on the table  
A man on your side  
Someone that you think that you can trust is just  
Another way to die  
Its just another way  
Suit em up, bang bang!

(Another Way To Die - Jack White & Alicia Keys)


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Wouldn't it be cool if I didn't need one...

A/N: Well, the stitches come out tomorrow and I can start doing things I shouldn't...fantastic. Here is the next one, have to admitt, just a touch mushy, but in a Johnathan/Tori kind of way. PLease read and review...I like it!

* * *

When Tori and Johnathan got back to the boat, they found Neal on deck having a cigarette. With the kids on board the guys had to smoke outside. Tori was certain this wasn't going to be a popular policy but she felt like it was good for them anyway since they would most likely smoke less. Johnathan hardly smoked at all when he was home because he had to go outside to do it. As they entered the galley they found Scott making peanut butter sandwiches and Fourtner playing go fish at the table with Hannah and Samari. Scott look relieved that they were back. "Hey, Fourtner got everything on your list but I don't know what half of it is so this was the best I could do."

"No problem, they love peanut butter. They rather have that anyway." Tori slid into the seat next to Hannah who appeared to have Mike completely outwitted.

"Mike sucks at dis game." Hannah rolled her eyes at Tori.

"Hannah Jo!" Tori snapped "who taught you to talk like that?" Hannah just looked up at Johnathan at which point it became obvious to Tori where she learned it. She stared at Johnathan for a second wanting to give him hell but realizing she couldn't without sounding even worse.

"Tori, we're on a crab boat. They are gonna hear worse. Hell, if we all keep paying to cuss they'll have enough for college by the time we done with the season!" Johnathan looked to Scott and Mike for some type of support but they sat silently looking to Tori for her reaction. "Ok, I see how it's gonna be, I'm going out for a smoke." He shook his head and walked out.

Tori sighed, "It's gonna be a long season."

"Yeah, no shit." Mike concurred earning a glare from Tori and promptly reaching in his pocket to pay his fine.

"Go wash up." Tori said nudging the kids who quickly went to the sink where their big brother hoisted them up onto the counter so they could reach.

"So how did everything go?" Mike asked Tori quietly.

"Fine." She smiled.

"You kicked her ass didn't you?" He beamed.

"No, but I'm certain I got my point across." She gave an evil look of disgust. "And seriously, how old is she? Like twenty-one?"

"Twenty-two" Mike confirmed rolling his eyes.

"Great…" Tori laid her head down on the table.

"Tori, I'm not just saying this to kiss your ass because you scare me…but Johnathan had to get drunk just to tolerate her…he said that once." Mike said nodding vigorously. "I never understood the whole thing; it was so obvious that he just wanted you."

"Thanks Fourtner, him and I both did some stupid things…I believe she is probably the most stupid but it's in the past." She smiled as the girls came back to the table to eat. "I'll get up and make you guys breakfast tomorrow…and I swear I really can cook now." Scott and Mike laughed remembering when she didn't know how to turn on a stove.

Out on deck Johnathan stood tensely having a cigarette. Neal watched him for a minute, seeing that he was clearly out there for more than a smoke, he walked over gave his brother a pat on the shoulder. "I thought you quit?"

"I did…at home." He smirked. "But fuck if she isn't the most difficult woman I've ever met…"

"You wouldn't love her so much." Neal finished for him. "So did you see Jen?"

"Yup, could have gone better, but then again it could have gone a lot worse too." He said as they walked the deck.

"Well the cops haven't shown up to arrest Tori so it went better than I was betting." Neal could see that there was something else bothering his brother. "What is it?"

"Something Jen said about Tori and the girls…really fuckin' bothered me. I just never thought about it…it never mattered to me where she came from…she's just Tori." Johnathan took another drag of his cigarette looking out at the docks. "I guess I just realized that there are people out there that are gonna say shit to my girls and I'm not gonna be able to protect them from it."

"And those people are jackasses and don't matter anyway." Neal affirmed, finishing his cigarette. "You can't hide them; Tori's father tried that and look where it got him."

Johnathan nodded, "I'm heading in, gotta be up early tomorrow and get us the fuck outta here." The two walked back inside to find Fourtner reading a story to the girls…and Scott complete with character voices. Johnathan laughed, "Great, now I'm gonna have to read 'em that way" He made his way into the room and tucked the girls in. "Get right to sleep you two, we're leaving early and you wanna be up to help me drive the boat." He stood in the door for a few minutes, watching them drift off to sleep while Scott lay in the bunk across from them watching something on his iPod.

Finally he made his way up to the stateroom to find Tori lying on her stomach flipping through a magazine wearing what looked to be one his shirts and nothing else. "You really are trying to make me crazy aren't you?" He said standing over her.

"What are you talking about?" She looked up seductively.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about." He sat down on the side of the bed pushing her over onto her back. "I think this belongs to me…and I want it back." He tugged at the shirt with a devilish smile.

"Well then you'll have to take it from me won't you…" She said defiantly. "Just remember, we are on a boat and your children are very close. So you'll need to be on your best behavior."

"I always am…" Johnathan grabbed the front of the shirt and literally ripped in half, tearing from her body. He quickly saw that he was correct in thinking that was all she had on. After releasing her from a searing kiss, he looked into her eyes, "You're perfect to me, you do know that?" Tori nodded looking away a bit self conscious but he pulled her face up to meet his. "I love you…" He kissed her again this time pushing her back onto the bed as she pulled his shirt off. The biggest challenge at this point was to remember that they were indeed in very close quarters. In the past they honestly didn't care if the crew heard them, it's not like their sexual habits were a secret. They had been caught or overheard in some interesting situations before and anyone who had a hotel room next to theirs while traveling was guaranteed a sleepless night. But with two small children and thin walls they were careful to control themselves.

Johnathan woke up the next morning feeling for the first time like they had gotten back what they had lost and the past was finally just the past. He rolled over and found that he was in bed alone, not what he had been hoping for. He listened for a minute and heard Hannah and Samari's tiny voices and knew Tori was probably already making breakfast. He got up and found some clothes not bothering to comb his hair he threw on a hat and walked down to the galley. Tori already had breakfast on the table and twins were inhaling it faster than the guys.

"I can't pronounce this thing…but it's awesome." Mike was shoveling what looked like an omelet into his mouth.

"It's shakshouka…" Johnathan said taking the cup of coffee Tori was handing him. Everyone including Tori looked at him not believing that he knew what it was and could pronounce it. "And it's really friggin' good. I love the shit." Tori turned and went back to cleaning up trying not to smile.

"Watch that mouth Johnathan…" Mike said pointing at the jar on the table that already had a decent amount of money in it.

"I'm boycotting…and if my lovely wife wants to say differently we can discuss a possible trade agreement." He said raising an eyebrow at her.

"Ok…let's keep it PG rated around here guys." Scott said watching an exchange of seductive looks between Johnathan and Tori. "And not just for the munchkins but me too."

"Daddy, are we gonna go fish today?" Samari said climbing out of her seat.

"Yeah we are baby…come here, both of ya." He pulled the girl over into a bear hug. "You guys wanna take us out of the harbor?" Their eyes lit up immediately. "Let's go…" He motioned for them to follow him and they quickly were attached to his side heading up to the wheelhouse.

"Does it concern you guys at all that he's letting four year olds drive this boat?' Tori said turning to them. They all looked at each other and shook their heads. "Great…that's great." She said shuffling back up to the stateroom. She changed out of her robe into a pair of grey yoga pants and a Time Bandit hoddie then brushed her long hair pulling up into a high ponytail. Looking in the mirror she examined her face, pulling at her eyes checking for the slightest sign of age. She had to admit that Jen was beautiful, stupid but beautiful and it brought on a small attack of insecurity. Just then the door opened and Johnathan appeared. Looking at her he knew exactly where her mind was.

"Stop doing this, Tori." He leaned over her shoulder kissing her neck.

"What?" She looked up at him in the mirror.

"You know what. It's over and we have to move on if we want this to work." He said as she stood up and turned to face him.

"I know it's over, really I do. It's not that. This is just me being...stupid." She dropped her head onto his chest as he hugged her. "I love you." She looked up and kissed him, "What are the monsters doing?"

"Sitting in the captain's chair, waiting for you to come watch them drive the boat." He said pulling her out the door.

"Well, let's not keep the little captains waiting." She followed Johnathan up to the wheelhouse to find their daughters with Scott waiting anxiously.

* * *

And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything seems like the movies  
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

(Iris – GooGoo Dolls)


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: No matter how much I drink, I still come back to reality.

A/N: This is just kind of a little twist to keep things interesting. (I like to stir the pot) Anywho...please read and review!!!!!!

* * *

The next weeks were a definite change for the Time Bandit. It was clear to everyone, including Johnathan, that Tori was basically in charge and no one really felt confident to challenge that. Oddly enough everything was running even more smoothly than usual. Johnathan didn't complain since he got to devote more time to the twins and he was having fun teaching them all about the boat and fishing. Tori was happy to deal with the business end of it all, it made her feel useful and it was a nice change of pace. The other boats had caught on that Tori was to be respected and they should deal with her the same way they would Johnathan and the guys had found that she was a force to be reckoned with on deck.

Every so often Johnathan would bring the girls out on deck, generally when it was a chance to show them off to an offloading boat. Neither of them had any issue grabbing on to a fish or shouting orders as coached by their father. By the time the season was nearing its end, Hannah and Samari were already excited for the next trip out. Leading Johnathan and Tori needing to have a serious discussion about the future since as usual, they were not on the same page.

"They asleep?" Johnathan asked as Tori emerged into the wheelhouse late on their last night out.

"Yup…everyone's asleep." She climbed onto his lap and whispered, "and I want you right now." Not feeling it was necessary to go to their stateroom they proceeded to have a quickie right there in the wheelhouse. Afterwards, Tori lay draped on Johnathan in the captain's chair looking out over the water.

"They can go out again this summer but don't get their hopes up for fall, their starting school." She said quietly.

"I wasn't sure what you wanted to do about that." Johnathan wasn't sure about Tori's long term plans.

"What do you mean?" She sat up turning to him.

"Well you never went to _regular _school. And you're obviously capable of doing the home school thing so I just assumed…" He really didn't believe she ever intended to send the twins to public school.

"Yeah, and I never went to the prom or got to be a cheerleader or anything else either. I want them to be normal John, not like me." She said shaking her head.

"First of all, you would have _never_ been a cheerleader. Second, they are normal…sort of." He smiled kissing her cheek. "I've been thinking…" he suddenly looked very serious and it made Tori nervous.

"Uh oh…" she said sarcastically.

"What?" he shrugged, "you're surprised I was thinking?"

"No, just the last time you looked at me like that and said you had been thinking we ended up getting married, barefoot on a beach in Mexico." Tori gave him a suspicious glare.

"And I still think that was the best idea I ever had…you don't?" He wasn't sure he even wanted an answer so he just kept going. "I think maybe we should move. Maybe Seattle, Vancouver…bigger city. I think you and the girls would feel more comfortable."

"I love Homer. If this is about what Jen said…it's not an issue, it never has been. I'm happy where we are. No one has ever made me feel like we don't belong there." Tori wasn't sure how Johnathan felt but one thing she had realized over the last few months was that she felt comfortable and safe in Homer.

"Ok, if you're sure. So what about just finding a new house? Somethin' bigger." This was about to become dangerous water but Johnathan didn't know it.

"Why?" Tori raised an eyebrow. This had never even been a topic of discussion before so she knew he was leading in to something.

"Well, the girls could have their own rooms and you and I would have more privacy and if…you know…we decided to have another one…" By the time he said it, he already knew he had just scared the hell out of her.

"Have you lost your fucking mind?" She pulled away from him and jumped up.

Grabbing her hand and pulling her back toward him, he desperately tried to dig himself out. "Angel, I'm not saying I want to, I'm just putting it out there."

"Well put it back." She snapped, quickly yanking away from him and storming into the stateroom. She slammed the door and threw herself onto the bed. She got angrier as she thought more about it but she wasn't sure why. She loved her children but her whole pregnancy had been a nightmare. She had never thought he would even suggest she go through that again. She didn't want to think it but it seemed like he was trying to keep her at home so she wouldn't go back to work. A few minutes later Johnathan came in and got in bed without a word.

The next morning as they headed toward Dutch, Hannah and Samari were sitting in the wheelhouse with Johnathan and Neal when Tori stormed through heading directly outside not saying anything.

"What did you do?" Neal asked with a smile.

"Woke up this morning…" Johnathan was hoping that she would just pretend he never said anything but that wasn't going to happen. "I think I fucked up last night."

"Just last night?' Neal moved over toward the controls, "I think we can handle this, go get her."

Johnathan nodded and headed outside to talk to Tori. She was out on the bow looking out seemingly at nothing. She didn't even turn or acknowledge Johnathan when he leaned on the rail next to her. "I'm sorry…I don't know what for…but I'm sorry."

"How does it mean anything if you don't even know what you're sorry for?" She said continuing to stare out into space.

Johnathan stood there trying to come up with something but couldn't. "I don't know."

Finally Tori looked at him, "That's it? You don't know?"

"How about you tell me what I'm supposed to be sorry for then I'll be sorry for it." Johnathan took a deep breath knowing he was probably about to get into even more trouble, "Tori, I'm sorry if I upset you, or just freaked you out but I really wasn't expecting that reaction. Just forget I even mentioned it, topic closed."

"Good, closed. So what do you want for breakfast?" She turned to walk across the deck.

"Tori! You seriously don't even want to talk about it?" Johnathan knew he should have just gone with the breakfast discussion but couldn't stop himself from pushing. "It's just that we aren't getting any younger. I don't want us to regret it down the road that we didn't even talk about it."

"Well then it's good that we just talked about it. Let's go eat." She desperately didn't want to have this argument and was still not sure why he did. "John, I love you. I love our kids. But they were kind of a surprise and you aren't the one that had to do everything."

"Well Angel I'm pretty sure I did something…" He was already in deep so why not.

"Oh yeah, just not the part where you get really fat and stay in bed for months." Tori had just revealed her demon. "And if this is because you don't want me working…"

"What? No. Tori you can do whatever you want. Fuck it I give up, go back east and get shot at if that's what you want, I'm done." Johnathan stormed off and back inside, with Tori right behind him.

"No way Hillstrand, you picked a fight now we're gonna fight." She said as they entered the wheelhouse. They were however stopped in their tracks by the sight of Neal and Scott each holding one of the girl as they were yelling and swatting at each other. "What's going on here?"

"It seems we have our first power struggle here." Neal said handing Hannah, who was still making faces at her sister, over to Tori. "They are fighting over who is _in charge_…"

"I'm just glad they're young enough that I'll never have to fight with them." Scott was trying to hold on to Samari who was still swinging. "Dad, can you help me out here?"

"Hey! That's enough." He shot her look that was quickly returned with her working herself into tears. A trick she had learned always worked on Johnathan. "Oh it's ok baby…" he said taking her from Scott.

"Wow, she's good." Scot said, observing how fast Samari had their father under her spell.

"Yeah, they both are, that's why I have to be the bad guy all the time." Tori set Hannah down, snatched Samari from Johnathan and headed downstairs, starting her lecture on behaving like ladies.

"So, when she's done with them she's coming after you…you know that right Dad?" Scott looked at his father's frazzled state.

"Yup, I know." He sat down in the chair not wanting to talk about why he and Tori had been fighting. He knew he crossed the line with his last comment and expected it would cost him.

Tori had laid down the law with the girls who were now sitting quietly at the table in a time out of sorts. She couldn't help but laugh to herself how hopeless Johnathan was with any kind of discipline since he folded at the sight of a few fake tears. "Do not move…I mean it." She said as she left the kitchen.

"Hey, can we talk…" Johnathan intercepted her in the hall.

"Yeah, sure." She motioned him to follow her as she entered the room where the girls had been sleeping and began packing their things. "Before you say anything…I'm sorry I freaked. It's just sometimes I swear you don't think."

"You're right, I don't. I'm sorry too. It just came out all wrong. I wasn't trying push you into anything or keep you home. I actually really like having you here with me." He smiled pulling her close.

"And I like being here. We'll make it all work, and if you're still offering to buy me a bigger house…I'll take it." She quipped flipping her hair back.

"Oh I bet…" He started to kiss her softly and forgot for a second where they were until Tori pushed him off her. "Yeah, right. I'm gonna go up and pretend I'm still in charge around here."

"They are not to leave that table John. They get confused when we contradict each other." She reminded.

"I get confused every time you talk Angel." Johnathan gave her a peck on the cheek and walked upstairs. As difficult as she was it was what made her irresistible to him.

Tori shook her head and finished packing up their things. She really loved being out on the boat and was sad it was over for now. She was happy albeit not surprised that the girls took to it so fast which meant this was just the beginning for them.

* * *

No I'm not the man I used to be lately  
See you met me at an interesting time  
If my past is any sign of your future  
You should be warned before I let you inside

Hold on to whatever you find baby  
Hold on to whatever will get you through  
Hold on to whatever you find baby  
I don't trust myself with loving you

I will beg my way into your garden  
I will break my way out when it rains  
Just to get back to the place where I started  
So I can want you back all over again

Who do you love?  
Girl I see through, through your love  
Who do you love me or the thought of me? me or the thought of me?

Hold on to whatever you find baby  
Hold on to whatever gets you through  
Hold on to whatever you find baby  
I don't trust myself with loving you

(I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You) – John Mayer)


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: sadly I own nothing.

A/N: Bad new: I've been "bumped" from the yacht club and Archangel is homeless...Good news: My hand is better and I can move ALL my fingers! Oh and the other good news is here is another chapter. A little drama...just enough I think. Please review...makes me want to check my email

As the Time Bandit docked, Tori saw Nadine, the Time Bandit publicist, standing there waiting with what appeared to be a cameraman.

"Are you fucking serious?" She snapped out loud to no one in particular. She was a bit annoyed by the fact that she had to assume that Nadine had known about Johnathan's fling with Jen and seemingly ran damage control for him; after all it was Nadine's job to know everything and make everyone looked good. She now had to accept the fact that she would never be able to trust Nadine to have her back since she clearly only cared about looking out for Johnathan.

"Mama!" Hannah squeaked poking at her mother.

"I'm sorry sweetie…" she sighed. "Johnathan, can you come here for a sec?"

Johnathan walked across the deck, already knowing what she was going to say. "I didn't know anything about this; I have no idea why she is here." He proceeded to jump down onto the dock and make his way over to Nadine. "What's this?" He motioned to the cameraman.

"I heard you had the girls out with you, I can't believe you didn't tell me. I just want to get some footage of you guys all together…it'll be great." She waved her hands franticly toward Tori as if trying to signal her to do a trick or something.

"Yeah, I'm not sure Tori's gonna allow that…" he ventured.

"Allow it? I have news for you…I'm doing her a favor. Did you know that it's all over the internet that you two are getting divorced?" She didn't wait for an answer since she knew he had no idea. "I need you and _miss congeniality_ to put on some smiles and look like a happy family and ask her if she could manage not assaulting anyone…makes editing a real bitch."

Johnathan looked around nervously knowing that when Tori heard about the divorce rumor it was going to be tough to control anything. "Just give a minute to talk to her."

As he climbed over the rail and approached her, Tori knew it was bad news. She signaled Mike to come over and take the girls so she could go talk to Johnathan. "How bad is it?" she asked as she walked over to him.

"Promise me you are not gonna lose it here…" He looked into her blue eyes that had gone as dark as the Bering Sea. "We need to do this…there's…rumors."

"What rumors?" She was trying to maintain her tone so the kids wouldn't know she was upset.

"Apparently, that we're getting a divorce." He felt as though he had just removed the pin from a grenade.

"Really…ok then…" She smiled, looked over and waved to Nadine then looked back at Johnathan. "I knew that little bitch wasn't finished. Now we have to put on a dog and pony show and allow our kids to be exploited to fix this." Tori was certain as was Johnathan, that Jen was responsible for the rumors in circulation. "I guess we don't have a choice."

"Thank you Angel…I'll make this up to you." Johnathan cupped her face in his hands kissing her.

"Yes…you will." She backed away and walked back to get the girls. "Fourtner, can you hand them over to me." She hopped over the rail, an impressive feat in her leopard print stiletto boots and skin tight jeans, and turned back to take the girls from Mike. As Johnathan jumped down and walked over standing with her and the twins, Nadine had the camera rolling and was taking a few pictures. Johnathan gave them a rundown of how the season went, adding in how proud he was to have both his son Scott and his daughters with him. He then threw in that Tori would be much more involved in the boat from here on out. Tori stood next to him holding Samari wearing a convincing smile, as Johnathan picked up Hannah, Nadine snapped a few more pictures.

Nadine could see that Tori's tolerance was thin so quit while she was ahead and dismissed her assistant. "Thank you Tori…I know this isn't easy."

"What isn't easy, is knowing that you lied to my face for months. Fix this Nadine…" Tori looked half way between killing and crying. She wasn't sure how much more she could take. Mercifully, Kelly was approaching from down the docks. She had flown in to meet them after speaking with Nadine, knowing that there may be trouble. As she approached the girls ran to greet her and tell her all about how much fun they had.

"I'm going to get the girls to the hotel, are you coming?" Tori asked Johnathan.

"Yeah, Fourtner can finish up here." He looked at Nadine, "We're staying tonight and heading home in the morning. I'll call you."

"I'll get this stuff up on the website and to Discovery so they can use it. Thanks again." She smiled at Tori, knowing she was probably lucky to be in one piece.

Once they got to the hotel, Johnathan took the girls to get dinner, leaving Tori and Kelly alone to talk. Kelly could see that Tori was putting on a good act but was hurt all over again. "I wish I could have warned you guys," Kelly said handing Tori a bottle of water, "She called looking for you guys and when I told her where you were she said that was _perfect_. Oh, and I checked the net…it's out there, Jen's runnin' her mouth like he was Tiger Woods or something."

"I can't do this." Tori said suddenly pulling out her cell phone. "I have to get out of here."

"Whoa…Tori what are you talkin' about?" Kelly pulled her over to a chair making her sit down. "You can't just…I mean where the hell are you gonna go?"

"Anywhere I want, I'm calling my father, I'm sure he's heard by now that my marriage is an epic failure, I'll have him send a private plane…" She was now crying and practically hyperventilating.

"Tori think about this. You guys…love each other. Don't get me wrong, I think you should have thrown him over the rail and used him as bait." Kelly was always tough on Johnathan. "But somebody has to like him; it may as well be you."

Tori started to laugh, "You're fucking terrible." She took a swig of water, "You got anything stronger than this? Cause we need to catch up…you aren't going to believe the dumb ass thing he said on the boat."

Neal, Mike and Scott had just finished up on the boat. Scott headed straight for the airport to catch his flight home while Neal and Mike made their way to the bar. Upon entering they both scanned the room expecting to be ambushed by Jen but she was nowhere in sight.

"Where's the tramp?" Mike asked Megan since he knew they were friends.

"She quit just about a week ago. Said she was getting out of Dutch and going to _settle down_, whatever that means." Megan said as she set their drinks down. "I saw Johnathan come in a while ago to get take out…those little girls are cute as hell."

"Yeah, they are…and Johnathan and Tori will do whatever they have to, to protect them. Jen better be long gone after the shit she pulled starting all those rumors." Neal said taking a swig of beer.

"I feel awful about what she did, but she was really…I think she was in love with him." Megan said quietly looking around.

"Well she better be in witness protection, because after the fiasco Tori had to deal with today, she's out for blood." Mike said with a hearty laugh.

"I dunno…she just said her priorities had changed and she wants to settle down. She didn't even give any notice, just left." Megan turned as she heard the bell in the kitchen, "That's you; I'll be right back with your food."

"Did you see how pissed Tori was today when she saw Nadine and the camera guy?' Mike said finishing off his drink.

"Yeah." Neal said seriously, "It was like reopening the wound, Jen had better not go anywhere near John again. I don't doubt for a second that Tori isn't still capable of…you know doing something…bad." The two sat and enjoyed a few more drinks with dinner, hoping that Tori had calmed down and she and Johnathan could get out of Dutch the next morning without incident.

The next morning Tori got up, not feeling much better. She didn't get up till the last minute only managing to throw on jeans and sneakers and was fussing with her long hair, finally giving up and tying into a messy bun. Kelly had the girls ready and even Johnathan was on time. "Angel, come on. What's the problem?"

"I'm just…off today." She finally grabbed her bag, "Ok, let's go." She had resigned to leaving the hotel without a stitch of make-up and really didn't care. As they reached the lobby, she heard a familiar voice.

"Tori? Hey, I heard you were up here." Josh Harris had appeared and without thinking about Johnathan being right next to her pulled her into a hug. "You look really good." Tori nervously pulled back and immediately grabbed Johnathan's hand hoping to keep him from doing anything stupid. In sneakers she was just five feet tall and felt very small standing between them.

"Let me tell you something Josh…you're Dad was my best friend…that's why you got a pass. But I'm telling you now; stay away from my wife." Johnathan looked like he was ready to kill and Tori was really afraid Josh may push him a little too far.

"Johnathan, she's my friend and I worry about her." Josh took a dangerous step forward, "I wouldn't need to if you were any…"

"Enough…both of you." Tori cut Josh off, giving a nod reminding them that the girls were just behind them with Kelly. "We need to get going…Josh, it was good to see you." She gave a tug at Johnathan whose eyes were still locked with Josh's. "John…please…"

Johnathan finally gave, but was sure to look straight to Tori as if to make sure things were clear. "Sorry Angel…" He gave a kiss that was probably a bit longer than it needed to be. "…let's go home." Putting his arm around Tori's shoulders they walked out of the lobby. Tori could feel Josh's eyes on them the whole time. She had been foolish enough to think she would never have to deal with her one-night stand and now looking at her husband's face knew that he was still livid.

The flight home was silent except for the kids and occasional exchange between Tori and Kelly. Johnathan sat silent, looking out the window. Tori could see the hurt on his face and felt like maybe they should have walked away months ago and spared each other the constantly being hurt all over again, but that wasn't an option anymore. They were both obviously willing to deal with the bad because the good was worth it.

"John?" Tori said quietly setting her head on his shoulder.

"Yeah, sorry…I was just…thinkin'." He turned and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry I got a little hot headed back there. I just hope he doesn't run his mouth…I don't want anyone…saying anything about you."

"I don't think he'd do that." Tori said honestly.

"Me either, fuckin asshole. I wanna fuckin kill him and I still think he's decent guy." Johnathan rolled his eyes and looked at Tori. "You thought at all about looking for house?"

"Yeah, actually I have. I kind of know what I want, Kelly knows a great realtor." Tori said feeling a bit excited about the prospects of house hunting. "And the other thing…I'm…gonna think about it, I just need some time...no promises."

"I don't need any promises…I just need you." Johnathan pulled her into a steamy kiss not caring that they were getting some looks from other passengers.

#####################################################################################

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,  
Or tell you that.  
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it  
where's the sense in that?  
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder  
Or return to where we were

I know I left too much mess and  
destruction to come back again  
And I caused nothing but trouble  
I understand if you can't talk to me again  
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"  
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet  
Which I'm sure we will  
All that was there  
Will be there still  
I'll let it pass  
And hold my tongue  
And you will think  
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be

(White Flag – Dido)


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer:......

A/N: So I really wanted a good plot twist (cause I like em) to bring all this together. It took some thought and a lot of Vodka but I think I got it! Please read and review!!!!

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When Tori and Johnathan arrived home, they were greeted by a frantic Scotty, who had been camped out since early morning in the driveway waiting. "I need to talk to you." He said gravely to his father. Johnathan gave Tori a nod and she and Kelly went into the house with the girls. Tori assumed that this was a _guy thing_ and didn't make much of it. Once they were out of sight, Scott continued, "Jen is in Homer."

"What?" Johnathan was sure he just heard it wrong.

"I went to the fucking diner for breakfast this morning and there she was…just acting like…nothing." Scott voice grew more urgent, "She was just like, _hi how are you…tell your Dad I'll see him soon_!"

"This can't be happening. She's got to be out of her fucking mind." All he could think about was how Tori would react when she heard about this.

"Ya think? Dad…she's nuts…you should probably install a security system, get a dog, get a gun…except I'm sure your wife probably has one…do something." Scott looked over toward the house, "You gonna tell her?"

"I have to." Johnathan replied quickly. "I have to honest with her, no secrets; it just makes things worse down the road."

"Well, she's saying…things." Scott said nervously. "I mean, no one believes her. This is a small town and everyone knows you guys."

Johnathan ran his hands over his face; he never dreamed that a meaningless affair would amount to this. "I gotta go in there and talk to Tori, you comin?"

"Nope…Sorry but I don't want to be anywhere near Tori when she hears this. Call me if you need anything." Scott jumped in his truck and left.

As Johnathan walked into the house, it was obvious that Tori somehow already knew. She stood in the kitchen, her hands shaking and tears running down her face. "Your Mother just called. She was surprised when I answered…wanted to know what I was still doing here."

"Victoria, I'm so sorry. Scott just told me Jen is apparently living here…she must have tracked down my Mom and told her who knows what." Before he could say anything else, Tori lost it.

"I'll tell you what!" She screamed, "That you threw me out because I'm unstable! I supposedly ran off to Israel and you and _her_ will be raising the girls here!"

Johnathan tried not to laugh but the scenario of Tori being unstable was completely plausible, especially right now. "Well you are a little screwy right now Angel." This statement earned him the phone flying at his head. He ducked just in time as it shattered against the wall behind him. "Ok, then I guess I'll just call her back on my cell…" Johnathan decided that calming her down at this time wasn't going to be possible so he was better off just walking away and letting her cool off. He went out to the back deck and sat down, watching the girls playing on the swings with Kelly, he took out his phone and dialed his Mother. He had no idea how much of Jen's story she had believed or how bad the argument between her and Tori had been. "Mom...listen, before you flip out, let me tell you that nothing Jen told you is true."

"So she isn't your girlfriend?" Nancy Hillstrand wasn't buying this, she knew her son.

"Ok, she was…it was a mistake, a big one." Johnathan paused, when she said nothing he continued on filling her in on the events that had transpired. She wasn't happy that she had been kept out of the loop but was relieved that somehow he and Tori had gotten through it and were staying together. She really felt horrible for how she had spoken to Tori earlier and let Johnathan know that she would come talk to her in person to apologize.

"Hey, my Mom is on her way over…she's _really_ sorry Angel." He said walking back inside, maintaining a safe distance in case he had to duck or run. Tori was sweeping up pieces of plastic from the phone and some glass indicating she had thrown a few more items after he left.

"It's ok…she's right…I'm a psychotic bitch." Tori's voice was soft and shaky.

"Well sometimes, but that's what makes you so fuckin sexy." He grabbed her hand and pulled her over to him. She was still crying and wouldn't look at him. He didn't even have a chance to console her when he heard a knock at the door. "That's probably Mom…you ok to do this right now?"

"Yeah, it's not like we can ignore it. It's probably all over town by now." Tori wiped her eyes and took a deep breath as Johnathan answered the door. Nancy came rushing in past her son and right to Tori.

"Oh Victoria, I'm so sorry for what I said…if I had known what was going on…" She shot a glare at Johnathan. "I should have known something wasn't right when that man showed up a few weeks ago asking about you two."

"What man?" Tori looked up quickly, snapping out of her tears.

"Handsome, dark hair…never got a last name but his first name was Armand." She said trying to recall. "Then just a week later I'm in the market and this blond comes right up to me…I really didn't put it together till now but how else would she even know who I was and where…he kept trying to get me to tell him where the house was."

Tori had gone completely white like someone had just drained every ounce of life out of her. She started across the room but didn't make it. Johnathan caught her as she fainted; carrying her to the couch he looked back at his Mother. "Watch her for a second." He ran to the back door and yelled to Kelly, "Kel, get the girls in the house, now!" Kelly didn't question the frantic tone of his voice; she had worked for them long enough to know there was always that chance. She gathered the twins and ushered them into the house, locking the door behind her and every door and window she passed on her way through.

"Johnathan, what the hell is going on?" His mother demanded.

"Armand is an old…associate of Tori's. Remember the shape she was in when we found out she was pregnant?...he's responsible for that." Johnathan sat down on the couch brushing Tori's hair from her face. "Angel?"

"Please tell me I just had a nightmare and this isn't actually happing." Tori sat up a bit rubbing her eyes, "Where are the girls?" She started franticly trying to get off the couch but Johnathan held onto her.

"They're in their room with Kelly. Listen to me…do you have any idea why or how Armand would be connected to Jen?" He said softly trying to keep her calm. "It can't be a coincidence that he came all the way to Homer asking questions and a week later Jen shows up."

"Oh God." Tori's ran her hand through her hair looking around, "I know her…I can't believe I had my hand on her fucking throat and I didn't know who she was…I hadn't seen her since she was little. She's his daughter." The whole picture finally came into focus. "That's how Armand knew we were in New York…but why? What the hell does he want that he would send his daughter to Dutch Harbor Alaska to seduce my husband?"

"Seems pretty obvious Tori, he wants you." Johnathan just realized that he had been a pawn in a game that was more about Tori than him. "Think about it. She splits us up...you move back to New York…he's got what he wants."

"But it didn't work…so he intercepts us in New York to try to scare me." Tori concluded. "But I don't get why she's in Homer. Because this with all the rumors she's been spreading really makes it look like…" Tori shook her head knowing that the game had taken a turn. "John, she's in love with you, they both benefit if we…"

"But that's never gonna happen." Johnathan said holding her tight. "Mom, try to avoid Jen, if she approaches you just tell her that Tori and I are together and you don't know what the hell she is talking about."

Nancy nodded as she got up, "I'll make sure that everyone knows that you two are together and everything else is just bullshit. I just hope for your sake Victoria that her father has given up."

"Yeah, me too." Tori dropped her head into her hands and started crying again. Johnathan got up and walked his mother out.

"Thanks, we'll figure out something." He assured her as she gave a nod and left.

Johnathan sat back down and left like he had to ask a question that he knew she wasn't going to want to answer. "Tori, I need to know a few things. Like how long have you known Armand?"

"Since I was seventeen, he's the guy that got me to smuggle for him. He sold me the Archangel, taught me how to shoot, taught me how to lie, basically made me the monster I am today." Tori's eyes had turned cold and emotionless. At that moment she looked to Johnathan like the girl he met years ago who still kept so many secrets.

"You're not a monster." He grabbed her hand and pulled her up off the couch and down the hall to the girl's room. "Look at them…" he said pointing at Hannah and Samari playing on the floor. "You're their mother."

"Damn it John, can you try to go just one day without making me cry please." She resigned leaning against him, resting her head on his chest. "So what do we do?"

"We just keep our eyes open, be really careful for a while. All the more reason why you should go look at that house tomorrow. Take them with you if it'll make you feel better." He knew she wouldn't be letting the twins out of her sight until things settled down.

"I think I will." She said taking a deep breath. "Its looks like a great house, overlooks Kachemak Bay…its _huge_!"

"Good, we can walk around for days and not run into each other." He smirked as they walked back down the hall. "Hey Kelly!" He shouted into the laundry room knowing that she most like already heard ninety percent of what had gone on. "Make her buy a house will ya!"

"I have no problem helping to spend your money Johnny." She came out waving a real estate paper. "Come on Tor…let's pick out a couple more in case you don't this one." The two disappeared down the hall. Tori's mind temporarily off the problem at hand and trying to concentrate on the future.

Johnathan went back into the girl's room. For the first time he was truly worried that Tori's past was a threat to them. He flipped on their TV and flopped down in an overstuffed chair watching them play quietly and flipping the channels.

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"There must be some kinda way out of here"  
Said the joker to the thief  
"There's too much confusion  
I can't get no relief"

"Businessmen, they, they drink my wine  
Plowmen dig my earth  
None will level on the line  
Nobody of it is worth", hey

"No reason to get excited"  
The thief, he kindly spoke  
"There are many here among us  
Who feel that life is but a joke"

"But you and I, we've been through that

And this is not our fate

All along the watchtower  
Princes kept the view  
While all the women came and went  
Barefoot servants too

Outside in the cold distance  
A wildcat did growl  
Two riders were approaching  
And the wind began to howl

(All along the watchtower-Bob Dylan *ok and we love Jimi too*)


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: If I owned Johnathan...well I'm just gonna stop right there.

A/N: I know the last one was a twist and I regret that this is just going to string you along...but you like it right? Also today is Intergalactic Star Wars Day! (admits geekiness) So...I put a Start Wars quote in here...can you find it? (admits having far to much time on her hands today) please read and review!!!!!

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It took all of about five minutes for Tori to fall in love with a big house with even bigger windows and ocean views. She and Kelly wandered around looking room to room while the girls raced around the huge open floor plan already claiming their rooms. As they made their way down the back stairs into yet another bedroom with an attached den and private bath, Tori decided it was time to clue in Kelly to her plans.

"So this is a nice space…" She commented looking into the large closet.

"What the hell are you going to do with all these rooms?" Kelly said looking out the window that faced the sprawling yard.

"Well I figured this one would be yours." She continued to casually flip lights on and off.

"First of all, I have an apartment…secondly with the girls in school in the fall you're not even gonna need me full time anymore, I think we both know that." Kelly had already planned on needing to move on. That was a simple fact of life as a nanny, kids grow up.

"Yeah but I'm gonna be working with John more and maybe doing some things of my own so a live-in arrangement would really be a necessity especially with another baby and…" She stopped there when she heard a thump as Kelly was now supporting herself against a wall.

"You have to be kidding? Are you?..." She started to look Tori up and down.

"No. I'm not…yet." Tori gave her a sly grin and started back down the hall as if she thought she could really end the conversation there.

Kelly pursued her, "No way, you can't just say something like that then drop it!" She caught up to her in the large kitchen where Tori as running her hand over the granite counters. "I can't believe you guys are gonna do this again…on purpose!"

"Oh because God knows we wouldn't want to do anything on purpose." Tori gave a smirk and continued to peruse the appliances.

"Well it isn't exactly something you two are very good at…and I mean the on purpose part because the making babies thing I'm pretty sure you've got that down." Kelly stood in the door preventing Tori from leaving the room. "Well? Are you gonna tell me what made you decide to give in to this insanity?"

"It's not that I _gave in_…I just had time to think, that's all." She knew this wasn't the end of the discussion but was finding it hard to explain. "And it's kind of getting to the point of now or never."

"Well I think you should keep thinking. And really…with everything that's going on right now, can you afford the risk…look what almost happened last time, you almost…" Kelly didn't want to bring up the obvious but felt like Tori just may be forgetting that she almost died the last time.

"Stop. It's going to be different this time. That was a whole different set of circumstances." It was clear Kelly had hit a nerve and Tori quickly went on the defensive. "So if I need you are you in or not? Because if not I need to know."

"Of course I'm in. Just promise me you won't do anything crazy and you'll make sure that you're…you know…ok?" Kelly wouldn't have said no and she knew it. "Fuck, I don't care if you two have ten more…scratch that…do _not_ do that." Kelly waved her arms in the air walking out of the room as Tori laughed at her. "So…this is a little…pricey…" Kelly was looking over the real estate listing.

"I'm pulling my money out of my off shore accounts, Johnathan has taken care of me long enough…I want to do this for him." Tori smiled, snatching the paperwork and looking it over.

"Wow, and I was looking forward to giving him a heart attack telling him what you spent." She sounded genuinely disappointed. "So does he know about either of your little surprises?"

"No, not yet…I'm telling him about the house tonight and the other thing as soon I get some things in order." Tori walked back out to the living room to find the realtor engaged in complicated discussion with the twins consisting of "why?", which was one of their favorite questions.

"Ok, I think I've seen enough, where do I sign?" Tori said rescuing the realtor.

"Oh good. We'll set up an appointment and you can discuss it with Mr. Hillstrand…and how long will you need to get your financing?" The woman asked, consulting her blackberry.

"I actually don't really need to discuss it with _Mr. Hillstrand_ and I assume cash will work for the seller?" Tori had a tendency to get easily annoyed when treated like she couldn't make an independent decision.

"Oh…yes cash is good." The realtor stood gazing at Tori for a moment, "So I'll just have the papers drawn up then and call you."

"That's fine…One other thing…" Tori had a non-negotiable condition, "I'll need you and the seller to sign a confidentiality agreement, _Mr. Hillstrand_ and I want to ensure the purchase is kept confidential." Nadine had agreed to take care of the legalities for her as a sort of peace offering.

"Of course, no problem at all." The woman now looked genuinely nervous.

"Good, I'll have my people call your people." Tori strolled out the front door with Kelly and the kids behind her like an entourage. Once outside she turned to Kelly smiling, "I've always fucking wanted to say that! So worth the wait."

"You're insane…" Kelly piled the girls into Tori's black SUV and they headed for home.

Once arriving home Tori called "her people", aka Nadine to take care of the agreement. She hoped to close on the house as soon as possible. Within hours Nadine was faxing documents from attorneys to Tori and the other parties earning herself forgiveness for her perceived roll in recent events. She also set a plan in motion to rid herself of her past for good. She knew Johnathan wouldn't be happy but this was her fight, and she intended to finish it.

Johnathan had spent the day running errands and doing a lot of explaining to people about the young blond that was walking around Homer claiming to be his girlfriend/fiancé. Fortunately since he was a sort of celebrity most people weren't surprised when he explained it away as a crazed fan. He continued to stick to that story assuring everyone that Victoria was indeed at home with the kids and all was well. By the time he got home he was in a terrible mood and in desperate need of a drink.

"Angel…you here?" He said walking into the house. He was quickly accosted by two screaming little girls who were moving and talking so fast that was greatly increasing his need for a drink. "Slow down! One at a time…"

"We gots a new house!" Samari was practically crawling up him so he gave in and just picked her up. "Mama said so!" She nodded vigorously as to make sure he believed her.

"Well that didn't take long," he said looking up at Tori who was now in front of him. "So you found what you wanted?"

"Yup, I think you'll approve." She held her phone on which she had snapped a dozen or so pictures.

Johnathan set Samari back down, taking the phone he slid onto the couch next to Tori. "Uh…what's this gonna cost us?" He had told her to find something bigger but this was way off the charts.

"Well, see that's the thing. I kinda…took care of that part." She sat waiting, not sure how he was going to take this. He just stared blankly at her. "John…you knew I had money put away."

"Yeah but there's money and there's _money_." He was clearly unsettled about this. He had always assumed she had a good amount stashed away in various off shore accounts he just had never confronted the actual sum of her net worth. She obviously made quite a bit over the years and lived on her boat or in the house left to her by her mother so it made sense that she hadn't really spent much of it. "Tori…this is a lot."

"Please don't be mad. It was dirty money and it may as well go to good use." She climbed closer and started to nibble at his neck. "Please…come on, you can't be mad at me right now and you know it." She was right. "Think about the master suite with the hot tub…"

"Yeah…ok, you win. Like you didn't already know that." He ran his hand across her cheek and kissed her, at which point he was reminded by muffed giggles that they weren't alone. "Is Kelly still around cause I thought we could go have a drink…maybe dinner."

"Yeah, she's here. I'm sure she'll stay." Tori was eager to get a night out, she knew it would help squash any doubts anyone around town had as to their relationship. Johnathan was a bit shocked that she agreed so easily, he thought she would still be on edge about leaving the girls. She could see that the way he looked at her held that very question. "Don't worry…Armand is in New York, I already had Mikos track him down."

"Why…what are you up to Angel?" Johnathan was now officially scared out of his mind. This was the side of her that he couldn't read or predict. "I think you ought to leave this alone."

"I find your lack of faith disturbing." She raised an eyebrow disapprovingly. "I have been at this for a while you know…I really need you to trust me here."

"We have to think about them." He looked over to the girls who were wrestling over the remote control.

"Don't you think I have?" She snapped defensively. Johnathan sensed this turning into a fight and got up dragging Tori with him to the kitchen. He didn't get to say a word however as she grabbed the front of his shirt the minute they were alone, "Listen to me…they are my first priority. I have this covered and I need some fucking cooperation from you."

"This better be good." He was actually a little scared of her right now but figured that was a good thing since she was sure to be at her best.

"The Victorian Star will arrive in Homer tonight, I'm taking the girls before sunrise and putting them on board. They're going whale watching with their Grandfather for a few days." She clearly wasn't giving him any say in this.

"Ok." That's all Johnathan really had to say since oddly he did trust her and felt that in a situation like this she was best equipped to handle it.

"That's it? You're not going to fight with me?" She couldn't believe it was this easy.

"Nope, I think Archer taking them for a few days is a good idea. I assume there's more?" He hoped she tell him but assumed she wouldn't.

"Yes…I need to find out exactly what game we're playing here if I'm going to win." She smiled a bit making him nervous. She was far too calm about everything and it made him wonder what she was up to. "Like I said I need for you to trust me…" She kissed him in a way that left him completely powerless to say anything. "So now let's tell Kelly we're going out, and go have dinner."

"Yeah, ok." Johnathan followed her out of the room like a zombie. Kelly was sitting in the living room discussing the finer points of macaroni and cheese versus spaghetti with Hannah and Samari. "Kel, I'm taking my beautiful yet terrifying wife out to dinner to celebrate the fact that she bought a ridiculous huge house and is planning world domination without my knowledge."

"Have fun with that." Kelly smirked as they walked out the door.

Johnny take a walk with your sister the moon  
Let her pale light in to fill up your room  
You've been living underground  
Eating from a can  
You've been running away  
From what you don't understand...  
Love

She's slippy  
You're sliding down  
She'll be there when you hit the ground

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright  
She moves in mysterious ways  
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright  
She moves in mysterious ways

Johnny take a dive with your sister in the rain  
Let her talk about the things you can't explain  
To touch is to heal  
To hurt is to steal  
If you want to kiss the sky  
Better learn how to kneel  
(on your knees boy)

She's the wave  
She turns the tide  
She sees the man inside the child

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright  
She moves in mysterious ways  
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright  
Lift my days, light up my nights

One day you will look...back  
And you'll see...where  
You were held...how  
By this love...while  
You could stand...there  
You could move on this moment  
Follow this feeling

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright  
She moves in mysterious ways  
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright

We move through miracle days  
Spirit moves in mysterious ways  
She moves with it  
She moves with it  
Lift my days, light up my nights

(Mysterious Way – U2)


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I write bullshit....

A/N: Happy Mother's Day to all of you who are moms! I'll be getting mine from the airport in under 24 hrs. This will be her first visit in 6 years so I have tons to do... This chapter kind of airs out all Tori's daddy issues and since I can only tolerate mushy in very small doeses, I threw in some kick ass John we all love. Now I see you reading it...so review it!!!

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Dinner was uneventful, which is what Johnathan had hoped for. They were approached only be people who knew them, saying hello, asking about the kids or talking fishing. If anyone had thought something were wrong in the Hillstrand house, they certainly wouldn't have after seeing Tori and Johnathan all over each other at the bar.

"We should get home, I have to get the girls up before sunrise, remember." Tori said starting to look a bit tired.

"Yeah, we should…" They got up from the bar and said goodbye to a few friends, "I'm going with you to drop them off." Johnathan made it sound as though she didn't have much choice so she just nodded. When they arrived at the house Kelly jumped up from a dead sleep on the couch.

"Holy shit! You scared the crap out of me…what time is it?" She was extremely disoriented. "Fuck you guys, it's almost three in the morning.

"I know, I'm sorry." Tori apologized franticly running through the house trying to pack some things for the girls. "It's just been so long since we got to go out and we ran into I swear everyone."

"Well, I'm outta here…call me tomorrow and I'll help you start getting the house packed." Kelly sleepily shuffled out the door.

"Fuck!" Tori was never usually this disorganized but she and Johnathan had gotten a bit caught up in the evening. "Can you go get them out of bed please, I want them on that boat before the sun come up." She finished packing some clothes for them from the laundry room as Johnathan emerged carrying two very sleepy little girls. Hannah seemed confused and looked around rubbing her eyes while Samari tugged at her sweatshirt apparently wondering where it had come from.

"I'll meet you in the car." Johnathan said in a whisper. He carried them out and buckled them into their seats. As he got into the driver's seat, Tori came dashing out of the house with bags in hand, tossed them in the back and got in. As they made the drive down the spit Johnathan pressed Tori for more information. "You gonna tell me what you're up to?"

"I'm going to talk to Armand, find out what he wants." She didn't want to give Johnathan specifics that would just make him worry.

"You're _not_ going to see him Tori, not gonna happen." Johnathan raised his voice a bit causing him to quickly check the rear view mirror to ensure he hadn't woken the girls.

"Relax…I'm not going anywhere. He'll come to me." She left it there since fortunately they had just arrived in front of her Father's Yacht. "Let's get them inside." As they boarded the Victorian Star the girls were suddenly wide awake. "Here they are…" she announced as they entered the main living area.

"There are my beautiful Granddaughters, come over here you little sea monkeys." The girls raced into Archer Mason's waiting arms. "I have chef preparing a special breakfast pizza…." He teased earning more hugs.

"Can you try to not spoil them too much; I will have to take them back eventually." Tori couldn't help but notice how his blue eyes sparkled when he talked to them. "Thanks for…doing this. I know this isn't your problem and…" Her eyes started to tear up.

"Victoria, why don't you go show the girls their room and freshen up a bit I'd like a word with Johnathan." Archer gave Tori a gentle hand to the stairs, once she was out of sight he turned to Johnathan, who had expected some harsh words considering he had cheated on the man's daughter.

"Archer, I know what you must be thinkin' right now and…" He really could only imagine what he would be thinking if someone had hurt one of his girls. "I just want you know that I'll never forgive myself for hurting her."

"What happened between you and Tori…it's none of my business. I don't like seeing her hurt but that's something I haven't done a very good job of preventing most of her life." He walked over to the sofa, motioning for Johnathan to sit. "Armand destroyed her life…I won't have him destroy Hannah and Samari's. Samari was Tori's mother's name…did you know?"

"Yeah, I did." Johnathan was getting nervous and could see that Archer was leading in to something he just wasn't sure what it was.

"I think you can imagine why Armand is the only person she truly is afraid of. She was only seventeen Johnathan, she was alone and didn't have any other choices. She's never said it…but I know what he did to her." Archer's voice was shaking, "I should have protected her and I didn't, now you have to."

Johnathan hadn't really thought about it that way. Tori always appeared so tough and in control that it was hard to picture her as a scared young girl in the hands of a man like Armand. It made him furious just thinking about it. "I swear I won't let anything happen to her."

Tori emerged back into the room it was obvious she had overheard them by the fact that she was avoiding looking at either of them. "I put their stuff in their room…they're in the galley with chef. John, we should go I really need to get some sleep."

"Yeah, ok Angel." Johnathan gave Archer a nod and got up.

"Victoria…" Archer moved to his daughter and hugged her. "I know I should have said this a long time ago but I'm very proud of you." Tori was completely caught off guard since her father had never shown any type of emotion toward her before. This prompted a breakdown that she had been holding in for twenty years.

"I'm so sorry Daddy I let you down. I shouldn't have…" She couldn't even speak anymore.

"It's ok, it's not your fault. I'm the one that turned my back on you because I didn't want to face what had happened." Archer looked into her sapphire blue eyes, "You have an amazing life Victoria, a husband who loves you and two beautiful children…don't let the past destroy your future."

Tori nodded whipping the tears from her eyes. Johnathan put his arm round her and walked her out to the car. The ride home was silent with Tori staring out the window. Upon arriving home, she was quickly forced regain her composure. A black town car was parked in the driveway and she knew exactly who was in it. "I told you he'd come to me." She said glancing at Johnathan "Just didn't think he'd be this…punctual."

"What the fuck Tori…I hope you know what you're doing." He was still always shocked by how fast she could turn her emotions on and off light a light switch.

"I'd have thought by now you'd know that I always know what I'm doing…" She smiled the type of smile that always made Johnathan a little nervous. "Just…stay close."

As they got out of the car, a driver stepped out and approached them. As Tori showed him her hands, he checked her coat and gave her a quick pat down. "I'm sure you appreciate why this is necessary Captain Mason."

"I believe she prefers to go by _Mrs. Hillstrand_ these days." Armand chimed in as he emerged from the car. "I got your…invitation…But tell your Greek friend he needs to work on his manners."

"I didn't have you come here for tea Armand…I want to know what the hell you want from me." Tori stood with her eyes locked on his.

"Victoria, I assure you that I have no idea what you're so upset about. I'm sorry if I startled you in New York but Jenna had told me you were there and led me to believe that you were…relocating." He sounded sincere and a bit confused.

"Relocating?...So you thought I was moving back?" Now Tori was confused.

"Jenna told me she had become…involved with your husband. I couldn't imagine you were very happy so when she said you were coming to New York I wanted to know where we stood." He said cautiously. "Whether we might find a mutually beneficial arrangement or whether I should watch my back."

"So you're telling me you didn't send her here…she started this." Tori was now completely at a loss for what would prompt Jen to have done this on her own.

"That seems to be the case…I can't control my daughter any better than I could control you. I haven't been able to reach her since I saw you in New York." He said now sounding annoyed.

Throughout the entire exchange, Johnathan had stood next to Tori holding her hand tightly. He desperately wanted to give Armand the beating of his life for everything he had done to Tori but they needed this information and he was cooperating. But now that he had nothing else they needed it was time to show him how things work in Alaska. In a bold move he let go of Tori walked straight toward Armand. The driver was now leaning on the car and didn't expect it so he had no chance of getting in front of him. "John don't!" is all Tori could get out before he landed a punch that knocked Armand to ground. Tori grabbed him and pulled him back, putting herself between he and Armand's driver who thought better of laying a hand on her and instead went to the aid of his employer.

"It's time for you to leave." Johnathan shouted vehemently, "I don't want to ever fucking see you again, do you understand."

As Armand got to his feet, blood gushing from his nose and mouth, he shot Tori a threatening look reminding her how lucky she was that they were on Johnathan's turf not his. He got into the car without a word as Johnathan and Tori watched and drove away.

"That was stupid!" She shouted as she turned and walked to the house without him.

"Yeah….well…whatever!" He shouted after her not able to think of anything in his heated state. He paced around the driveway for a good ten minutes just trying to cool down then headed in to check on Tori. She was lying on the couch crying, again having thrown her emotion switch.

"Angel, it's over. We can deal with Jen…she'll go away eventually. The important thing is he is never getting near you again and the kids are safe." He sat down, rubbing her back he tried to get her to talk about it. "Tori, did he ever…"

"John…I'm not going there, I'm not talking about this. I don't ever want his name mentioned in this house again." She turned over and pulled him down to her. "Like my dad said, I'm not going to let the past destroy our future. Now kiss me and take me to bed before you do something to piss me off again."

"Guess I better hurry then." Johnathan stood up and scooped her up from the couch and carried her into the bedroom.

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I feel so extraordinary  
Something's got a hold on me  
I get this feeling I'm in motion  
A sudden sense of liberty  
I don't care 'cause I'm not there  
And I don't care if I'm here tomorrow  
Again and again I've taken too much  
Of the things that cost you too much  
I used to think that the day would never come  
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun  
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near  
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear  
I used to think that the day would never come  
That my life would depend on the morning sun...

When I was a very small boy,  
Very small boys talked to me  
Now that we've grown up together  
They're afraid of what they see  
That's the price that we all pay  
Our valued destiny comes to nothing  
I can't tell you where we're going  
I guess there was just no way of knowing  
I used to think that the day would never come  
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun  
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near  
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear  
I used to think that the day would never come  
That my life would depend on the morning sun...

I feel so extraordinary  
Something's got a hold on me  
I get this feeling I'm in motion  
A sudden sense of liberty  
The chances are we've gone too far  
You took my time and you took my money  
Now I fear you've left me standing  
In a world that's so demanding  
I used to think that the day would never come  
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun  
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near  
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear  
I used to think that the day would never come  
That my life would depend on the morning sun...

(True Faith – New Order)


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Can you imagine if he were mine...come on people you'd never hear from me again!

A/N: Ok...wildvioet76 wants some smut...and I threw in a little humor for good measure. Note my new Avatar of my shameless tramp stamp...;) (Ok, I admit my husband's name is John...but still) Thanks to my loyal readers for the reviews, they make me happy!

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Tori was up early and called Kelly who was coming to help her start packing. She had come to the conclusion that the more she could do while the kids where with Archer the better. Somehow two four year olds tended to make every task take a lot longer. Johnathan woke up alone again…and disappointed, however he refused to waste the fact that the house was currently kid-free. He got up and wandered into the living room looking for Tori. "Angel…this waking up alone thing is gettin' old…why don't come back to…" Suddenly there was a blood curdling scream and a crash as a box of pans hit the floor.

"What are you doing here and where the fuck are your pants?" Kelly was standing in front of him covering her eyes and trying to catch her breath.

"I live here…and the woman I live here with likes me without pants." Johnathan continued to stand staring at her making no effort to find clothes or leave the room. "What the fuck are _you _doing here?"

"_The woman you live here with_ called me to come help her start packing. She said she had a doctors' appointment and was getting breakfast...I assumed you went TOGETHER!" Kelly moved a finger to peek to see if it was safe but found Johnathan still standing there stark naked. "Will you please put on some clothes? Tori isn't here and I'm certainly not going to…help you out with…that!"

"Oh…yeah sure." Johnathan wasn't completely awake and was hoping to have returned to bed with his wife but he was seemingly out of luck. He went back to the bedroom and found some jeans and a t-shirt and headed out to the kitchen hoping that Kelly at least had coffee since Tori apparently was out getting breakfast.

"Promise me that once we're in the new house you'll confine that stuff to certain areas…Don't forget I'll be living there." Kelly poured him some coffee and went back to cleaning out cabinets and boxing things up.

"Yeah…you know Tori mentioned that but she didn't really go into detail..." Johnathan wasn't always quick to figure things out but even he couldn't believe he hadn't caught on to this sooner. "…Did you say she had a doctors' appointment?"

"Um…I don't really remember what she said…" Kelly didn't want to tell him anything that Tori wasn't ready for him to know.

"Kel…fuckin' spill it…what has she told you?" He demanded.

"Just that…oh hell, why the fuck can't you two just talk to each other…she told me that she's gonna try to give you another baby, even though I think she got her hands full already." Kelly stood flustered with her hands on her hips watching Johnathan's confused look turn into a satisfied smile.

"Well then I guess it's a good thing she has you." Johnathan stood up and grabbed Kelly hugging her and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"You know what…I really don't like this new comfort level Johnny!" Kelly barked as she shoved him out of the kitchen, "I don't even like you!"

Johnathan went to the living room laughing and flipped on the TV to see the weather. He thought maybe he'd get his bike out and go for a ride later in an effort to stay out of the way until Tori actually needed him to move things. He couldn't believe Tori had changed her mind and was ecstatic but hoped she wasn't just doing it to make him happy. He was getting really impatient and starting to worry about what could be taking her so long when she finally arrived home. She came waving a bag from the bakery signaling him to follow her to the kitchen. "You hungry? I got bagels."

"Yeah, starving…what um…took you so long?" He didn't want to give away that he knew anything but he was so happy that he was doing a terrible job hiding it.

"Kelly? Really…You told him?" Tori shot her a glare.

"Look, in my defense I was really traumatized…please encourage him to get dressed when you're not around." Kelly threw her hands in the air and darted out of the room not wanting to be in the middle of this discussion. Tori just looked at Johnathan shaking her head since she pretty much put together what must have happened knowing her husband.

"Tori, are you sure this is what you want? I don't want you to feel like I'm pushing you." He hoped she was sure and was watching her intently to make sure she wasn't covering.

"I'm sure. And I saw the doctor this morning and we're good to go. He doesn't anticipate any problems as long as…as he put it…I behave myself, and don't do anything stupid this time." She wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him into a steamy kiss. "So now we get to do the fun part." He quickly picked her up and threw her onto the kitchen table. Tori leaned back and let him run his hands over her, ready to let him have his way with her right there. At that point they heard a shout from Kelly, who had anticipated what was going to happen, saying something about going to get boxes. No sooner did the front door slam and Johnathan had Tori's clothes off and was climbing on top of her. Tori was uncomfortable and was about to try to coax Johnathan to the bedroom when he thrust into her making her forget about how hard the table was. As he continued, she dug her nails into his back causing him to do it harder and harder until they hit the floor when the table broke. They managed to finish the deed anyway even though Tori thought she may have a concussion. Johnathan helped her up as she rubbed head he started laughing at her. "That probably falls under the _anything stupid_ category." She said pulling her clothes back on.

"Sorry…" He laughed. "But you started it." Johnathan picked up the table that was now fire wood and tossed it out back on the wood pile. "Hey if you don't mind I'm gonna go out for a ride today...see if Scott's around."

"Go ahead, me and Kelly can do the packing, you'll just break stuff anyway." She said as she fixed a plate of lox and bagels. "The paperwork for the house will be done today so just make sure your back by three so we can sign it and start moving stuff in." She gave him one last long kiss making him rethink going out but he knew she wouldn't indulge him again right now.

"Alright, I'll be here." He kissed her again, finding very hard to walk out the door.

"If you don't leave I'll never get this done. Then we don't get moved, then where the hell do we put this kid?" She pushed him back and toward the door till he gave up and left.

Johnathan took a ride to Scott's house and the two proceeded to drive around the better part of the day. They eventually made it to the Salty Dawg for a few drinks, which had been the plan from the beginning…the ride was just a means to an end. As they sat drinking Johnathan kept looking around nervously every time the door opened.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Scott asked, swilling down a beer.

"That fuckin' crazy girl…She's still lurking around." Johnathan ordered another round. "The last thing I want right now is for her to start trouble. Tori and I are right where I want us to be and I don't need her fuckin' things up for us."

"As long as you don't sleep with her again, I don't see how she can fuck things up." Scott said giving his a father a sarcastic grin.

"She's got something up her sleeve, I know it. This whole thing just brought up a lot painful shit for Tori; I don't want her upset…not now." Johnathan sighed heavily.

"What do you mean not now? And what's up with the sudden need to live in a fucking mansion? I took a ride down there and I couldn't believe the size of that place." Scott had begun to think that his father was holding out on him and he was being grossly underpaid.

"The house is all Victoria…she picked it out, she bought it. Don't ask where the money came from, I'm sure neither of us want to know." Johnathan smirked, and then decided he should probably tell Scott the rest. After a fast run down of what had gone on, to the best that Johnathan understood it, he informed Scott of their decision to add another Hillstrand to the family.

"You're not serious?" Scott looked at his father like he had turned blue.

"Sure…I'm finally getting good at this parent thing. I ought to be damn near perfect by now." Johnathan finished another beer and checked the time.

"Tori should be considered for sainthood." Scott shook his head laughing.

"I don't think they do that…" Johnathan looked quizzically at Scott. "I'll have to check."

"You do that Dad. Let's go, we're pushing our luck avoiding your stalker." He added.

"Yeah, I gotta get home anyway…my wife is buying me a house and all." Johnathan said with a big grin as they walked out.

Kelly had returned with boxes to find the kitchen sans table. She looked around then turned to Tori. "Where's the kitchen table?" Tori bit her lip trying to think of something on the spot but it was pointless. "Oh you didn't? What are you trying to get pregnant _today_?"

"He was just really…happy." Tori snapped, flipping her hair. "Besides, I'm guessing at my age it's gonna take a while."

"It's the law of averages girl. The more you fuck the more chances there are and the way you two go at it…it's not gonna take long." Kelly started neatly stuffing more boxes. "Don't you guys get…bored?"

"No. Can't say that it's ever been boring." Tori smiled; then her face turned serious. "Even when he was…with her. We could walk around and not speak for days but the sex was still good."

"Don't go there Tori, you're just going to get upset. Kelly looked over and saw Tori wipe a tear away from her face. "Asshole…" She mumbled under her breath. They continued cleaning and packing until it was close to three and Tori was checking the clock repeatedly. She went to the living room and cleaned off a spot on the coffee table to wait for the realtor. As she sat down on the couch she caught herself feeling strangely sad. Kelly walked stood in the doorway looking at her and could see something was wrong. "You're not going there again are you?"

"It's not just that. I miss the girls, it's just too quiet and it makes me realize how different everything is than I thought it would be. If you asked me five years ago if I thought I'd marry Johnathan, let alone move to Alaska and have kids…I'd have laughed at you. Anyone who knows me would have laughed at you!" She turned just in time to see Johnathan walk in. "Hey, you're even on time."

"See…I can be trained." He strolled over kissing her on the head.

"How was your ride?" What she really wanted to ask was did he see Jen but wasn't going to _go there_.

"Great…hung out with Scott had a few beers…and no I didn't see her." He answered anticipating her concern. "Tori, I love you, stop worrying." But Johnathan was worried. He knew eventually Jen would push the envelope and Tori would snap.

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Sitting here, on this lonely dock  
Watch the rain play on the ocean top  
All the things I feel I need to say  
I can't explain in any other way

I need to be bold  
Need to jump in the cold water  
Need to grow older with a girl like you  
Finally see you are naturally  
The one to make it so easy  
When you show me the truth  
Yeah, I'd rather be with you  
Say you want the same thing too

Now here's the sun, come to dry the rain  
Warm my shoulders and relieve my pain  
You're the one thing that I'm missing here  
With you beside me I no longer fear

I could have saved so much time for us  
Had I seen the way to get to where I am today  
You waited on me for so long  
So now, listen to me say:

I need to be bold  
Need to jump in the cold water  
Need to grow older with a girl like you  
Finally see you are naturally  
The one to make it so easy  
When you show me the truth  
Yeah, I'd rather be with you  
Say you want the same thing too  
Say you feel the way I do

(I'd rather be with you – Joshua Radin)


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I claim nothing…that's my story and I'm stickin to it!

A/N: AleutianStorm has been waiting patiently for the ass kicking to begin…I had a really bad day and am on my way to get drunk and start a fight…so without further delay….Let's get ready to rummmmbllllle!

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Johnathan had enlisted everyone he could to help get moved into the new house, refusing to let Tori lift anything heavier than a pencil, just in case. She was getting increasingly irritated being treated like she may break. On the day of the final push to get everything moved the situation had deteriorated into an all out screaming match that lead to Johnathan literally kicking her out of her own house. Tori stormed out threatening to throw away everything they owned and just buy new, knowing how nervous her ability to spend money made him. "Hope you like Italian leather sweetie!" She shouted as she got in her SUV waving a credit card at him.

"Have fun…honey!" He shouted back at her, turning to Neal gritting his teeth. "Thank god there's no where around here she can actually do that kind of damage."

Neal chuckled, "At least she has her own money bro."

"Um, that was MY credit card; she picked my fucking pocket on her way outta here." Johnathan had realized his wallet was on the table and not his pocket as she had been pulling out of the driveway. "You'd think she'd be happy we're doing everything…she doesn't make any sense."

"If girls made sense, they'd be guys." Mike Fourtner chimed in.

"Let's just get this done before she comes back and tells us we're doing everything wrong." Johnathan wanted everything in place since Tori had indeed purchased a good amount of new furniture that was being delivered that day. He also had a company coming to install a security system. Tori didn't want it and had never felt the need for one since moving to Homer but he had insisted.

Tori had called Tae and the two were set on spending some of Johnathan's money. "Let's start with lunch…on your Father." Tori smirked.

"When are the munchkins coming home? You've gotta be going crazy by now stuck home with just Dad." Tae said as she picked through her salad.

"We've been keeping busy." Tori raised an eyebrow sipping a sparkling water.

Tae made a face, "Yup, don't need to know any more."

"Kelly is meeting Archer tonight to get them. I figured I'd be busy finishing things up at the house…if I'm allowed back in." Tori was pouring ranch dressing on her French fries then dipping them in ketchup. "I mean I don't know what his problem is, I'm fine." Tae looked on as she grabbed a bottled of hot sauce and started applying it to her cheeseburger which she had ordered topped with a fried egg.

"Yeah, really…what's he thinking?" Tae said sarcastically. It was obvious that Johnathan airing on the side of caution considering Tori's change in diet. "So wanna go shop for baby clothes?"

"Don't you think that's a little premature?" Tori said dipping a pickle in her ranch dressing.

"Um…well it'll be fun." Tae wasn't sure if Tori were really clueless…again, or just really hungry.

Talking Tori into shopping wasn't hard. Now that she had leveled with Johnathan and tapped into her accounts she knew they didn't have much to worry about financially and it was kind of a nice feeling. They made their way through the small shops around town picking out things that would work for a girl or boy, but Tori was set on the nursery being a pirate theme regardless. She was standing in a store next to Tae looking at tiny pajamas when she was suddenly aware that they were being watched. She looked around suspiciously knowing it wasn't in her head. She looked out the shop window and there she was; it was Jen. Tori bolted out of the store so fast Tae had no idea what to do except follow. When she got outside she found Tori looking up and down the street.

"She was fucking watching us." Tori said sounding a bit shaken.

"Well, that means she knows you're having a baby. This isn't good." Tae was half thinking she should call Johnathan but didn't want to piss off Tori.

"Come on." Tori took off down the street looking up and down alleys and side streets. Tae was sure she should call her Dad now, and pulled out her cell. "Don't even think about calling your father…he hasn't been able to handle this, now I'm going to."

"What are you going to do?" She really didn't know what to expect and prayed that Tori wasn't packing heat. Finally catching up as Tori stood against a building peering down the alley, she crept up to see what she was watching. "You don't…have a gun do you?"

"No…figures…" Tori's genuine disappointment at her inability to just shoot Jen made Tae realize that this situation was going to end badly one way or another. "She's got no way out…" Tori whispered, stepping out into the alley to face her nemesis. "We need to chat."

Jen froze for a second, and then shrugged her shoulders. "Well, judging by the irate messages I've been getting from my father, I assume you figured out who I was."

"Yeah, I did. So the question is…Is it just a coincidence that you started fucking my husband or was this personal?" Tori's voice rang with anger; her usual composure during crisis had completely fallen apart.

"Ever think maybe he pursued me? You aren't perfect Tori. Even though my Father thinks so…in fact when he found you, you were so perfect that he forgot all about my mother." Jen's hatred for Tori was now obvious.

"What are you talking about?" Tori scowled in disgust.

"I'm talking about my father's obsession with you. He moved you into our house and my pregnant mother had to watch him sneak in and out of your room at night. She left him right after I was born, you ruined my life!" Jen was now screaming and a few people had stopped on the street to see what was happening.

"Are you serious…I ruined YOUR life…How about YOUR sick twisted father ruined MY life. You stupid little bitch, you think I was having fun?" Tears were streaming down Tori's face having painful memories again forced to the surface.

"Well all I ever heard when I did get to see my father was _Tori this_ and _Tori that_ and how come I wasn't as smart as you or as strong as you. I was never good enough. I thought when you decided to run away to Alaska I would finally get my chance to prove to him I was good enough." Jen was now looking s though she was completely insane, pulling her hands through her hair.

"That's not my fault…" Tori suddenly felt bad for her…but only for a split second. "So why Johnathan, why go after my husband?"

"You had the life I wanted and walked away from it. You got to travel the world make tons of money and be whoever you wanted and it wasn't enough for you. But he was, so I wanted to take from you what meant the most to you." Jen glared, taking a step closer bolstering her stance.

"Bad idea." With that Tori swung and Jen hit the ground. Before she could stand up on her own, Tori picked her up steadying her so she could hit her again….and again. By this point a crowd of people had gathered and Tae was assuming the police would be there any minute. She was right. By the time the authorities pulled Tori off Jen, it was clear that they had probably just saved Jen's life. She was taken by ambulance to the hospital and Tori was placed in handcuffs and taken to the police station.

Tae jumped in Tori's SUV and made record time to the house, running in to find Johnathan, Neal, Scott and Mike all taking a break on the front porch. "Dad…don't freak out."

"Well sweetheart, when you start with don't freak out…it aint lookin' good." Johnathan said noticing that Tori was missing.

"Tori…got arrested." Tae took a deep breath and continued, "We were shopping…Jen showed up…" Tae couldn't help notice the smiles that had appeared on the faces of Neal and Mike. "It was bad…I've never seen…I didn't know she could…" Tae was clearly in shock from the whole encounter, "Dad, Jen said some stuff…about her dad?"

"We'll talk in the car, let's go." Johnathan knew he would have to tell her the unsavory details about Tori's past and as she told him about the exchange in the alley, the situation became clearer to both of them. Arriving at the police station Johnathan wasn't sure what Tori's mental state would be. "You should probably wait here…I don't know if she's taken over or is cooperating." He wasn't joking.

Johnathan walked in and found his wife sitting in a jail cell, looking remarkably happy and without a scratch on her. He spoke to a few of the officers who assured him that Tori hadn't given them a hard time at all and had been quite pleasant. After bailing her out he stood out front waiting for her release.

"Hi…" She had the most innocent look on her face he had ever seen, she could have won an Oscar.

"Are you ok?" He was more concerned about her physical state than her impending legal issues at the moment. She just nodded quietly and walked toward the car. "Should we get you looked at?" She shook her head and climbed in the car. "I hate when you don't talk Victoria."

Once in the car she looked back at Tae, "Sorry you had to see all that."

"It's ok, Dad kinda told me…Tori, I'm…" She thought Tori should look more upset than she did.

"It's fine, it's over. Well she's gonna have me charged with…whatever but, who cares, I forgot how good that feels." Tori looked to Johnathan, "I'm not apologizing to you because she only pulled this off because you couldn't keep it in your pants, so you can go fuck yourself." She turned and looked out the window, saying nothing else for the rest of the ride home.

Once at home the guys took a queue to make a quick exit. The only person that said anything to Tori was Mike Fourtner who gave her a quick hug and whispered in her ear, "You're my fucking hero." Earning a glare from Johnathan he decided he better leave too. "Come on Tae, I'll drop you off."

Tori and Johnathan sat across from each other at the large dining room table that had been delivered earlier that day. Tori looked around and up at the chandelier, "I think this looks good, what do you think?"

"I think it's perfect…like you." He reached across the table and took her hand.

"We'll see what you think when you're bringing the kids to visit me in prison." Tori laughed. "I could have killed her you know."

"But you didn't…and I'm very proud of you…and this is not what normal people talk about at the dinner table. What the fuck Tori." He was laughing but not because it was funny, he just didn't know what he was supposed to do. "What if you're already…I mean you could have gotten hurt."

"I'm not, I'd know." She said trying more to convince herself.

"Tae said you were eating all kinds of weird shit." He insisted.

"I like condiments…is that a crime?" She snapped back. "I'll go get a test tomorrow if it will make you feel better."

"It will, thank you." He got up and pulled her out of her chair and kissed her slowly until she pulled away, "What?"

"But you have to do something for me…you need to go to Anchorage…cause I want Popeye's Chicken in the worst way." She smiled and pulled him toward the large open staircase. "Did the new bed come?"

"Yes, yes it did." Johnathan answered as Tori pulled him up the stairs removing her clothes along the way. They continued on the mission of having sex in every room in the next few hours since the girls would be home soon making that quest impossible. By the time Kelly arrived with them, Tori was curled up on the couch watching Johnathan try unsuccessfully to hook up the surround sound.

The house was suddenly filled with the sound of little girls investigating their new rooms, jumping on beds and wrestling with Johnathan. As she sat thinking about that last week and looking at her family she thought at that moment everything was truly perfect.

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She puts her makeup on like graffiti on the walls of the heartland  
She's got her little book of conspiracies right in her hand  
She is paranoid like endangered species headed into extinction  
She is one of a kind, well, she's the last of the American girls

She wears her overcoat for the coming of the nuclear winter  
She is riding her bike like a fugitive of critical mass  
She's on a hunger strike for the ones who won't make it for dinner  
She makes enough to survive for a holiday of the working class

She's a runaway of the establishment incorporated  
She won't cooperate, well, she's the last of the American girls

She plays her vinyl records singing songs on the eve of destruction  
She's a sucker for all the criminals breaking the laws  
She will come in first for the end of Western civilization  
She's an endless war, she's a hero for the lost cause

Like a hurricane in the heart of the devastation  
She's a natural disaster, she's the last of the American girls

She puts her makeup on like graffiti on the walls of the heartland  
She's got her little book of conspiracies right in her hand  
She will come in first for the end of Western civilization  
She's a natural disaster, she's the last of the American girls

(Last of the American Girls – Green Day)


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I'm so not in the mood today.

A/N: Anyone want to buy a husband...I'm selling him cheap and offering free delivery...anyone? Yeah, didn't think so. So here's the answer to the burning question everyone already knows the answer to except my girl Tori. I'm going back to finish my other story this week before I go any further with this one. AleutianStorm...the last line is for you. (Don't skip ahead either!)

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Tori went about her usual routine the next morning and was in no rush to appease Johnathan. Now having a room she had turned into a yoga studio she didn't need to go to the gym so she hadn't left the house and he was getting impatient. Kelly was in and out getting herself settled into her new pseudo-apartment so he had to watch the girls himself, which made for an interesting morning as always. When Tori finished her morning workout and walked into the kitchen she was greeted by one child standing on the kitchen counter and the other attempting to sweep cereal off the floor by herself and the smell of burnt toast. "Where is your Father?"

"Puttin' out the fire." Samari proclaimed from her perch on the counter.

"What fire?" As much as she thought she should be used to these things by now they still never failed to catch her off guard occasionally. "John!" As she shouted he came darting in from the back door.

"Just a little toaster incident…by the way, we need a new toaster." He quickly swiped Samari off the counter and set her on the floor.

"Seriously…I left you alone for one hour." Tori had taken the broom from Hannah and was cleaning up the floor.

"They're fast Angel. They can do a lot of damage in an hour." He took over sweeping since Tori was clearly not happy.

"Yeah, see that's where _you_ come in…you're the grown up and you're supposed to be in charge." Tori went to pour a cup of coffee but her cup was quickly confiscated and replaced with a glass of orange juice. "Really, fuck John I gave up drinking weeks ago; let me have one vice while I still can."

"Nope." Johnathan went back to trying to regain control of the twins, "Aren't you going out?"

Tori knew what he was getting at and was determined to stall. "Yeah…later. I'd like to take a long hot bath in my new tub if you think you can handle things."

"Go get cleaned up ya little monsters." He ushered the kids out of the room and turned to Tori, "Why are you so nervous?"

"I'm not, why would I be?" She was immediately defensive since she was actually a bit nervous about the whole thing.

"You tell me." He took her hand and walked her out to the living room and they sank onto couch together. "Talk to me Tori, if you're having second thoughts…"

"No, it's not that. I just don't want you to be disappointed…if it doesn't happen right away…or at all." She hadn't wanted to bring this up so soon but since Johnathan was treating her like she was pregnant already, she figured it was time to make sure he was being realistic.

"Listen to me, I can't be disappointed. Look what we already have." As if on cue Hannah and Samari came rocketing down the hall, into the living room screaming at each other in some sort of dispute over the TV in their playroom.

"Shut up Hannah!" Samari shouted making a face at her sister. Hannah retaliated by shoving Samari to the floor who got up to fight back till she saw Johnathan and decided that turning on the tears would get her the results she wanted much easier.

"You two have three times the space and you still fight!" He said picking up Samari and drying her tears, "What are you gonna do if you have another brother or sister?" If the girls hadn't been right there, Tori would have slapped him senseless. She went into an immediate panic over how to explain this to them when she didn't even have any answers. Her face said it all and Johnathan knew he had screwed up.

"Nice one…" She mumbled under her breath.

"I'm not sharing my new room!" Hannah affirmed stomping her tiny foot. Johnathan reached over and pulled her onto his lap with Samari.

"You won't have to, that's why we got a bigger house. Right Mom?" He was still hoping Tori was going to bail him out but she just nodded.

"Well, I'm going up to get cleaned up, I have…errands to run." She shot him one last dirty look and went upstairs. She tried to relax, closing her eyes, soaking in the huge jacuzzi tub but she was to keyed up now so she got out and quickly dressed. Her clothes were already a bit tight since she had been making an effort to eat more and stop obsessing about her weight. When she got downstairs she found Johnathan still on the couch with the girls engaged in what appeared to be a very in depth conversation. She grabbed her keys, gave him a nod and quietly slipped out the door, glad to let him deal with this on his own.

She went into town and picked up a few things, a new toaster included when she ran into Johnathan's mother. She had heard about the "incident" with Jen and was fussing over Tori and seemed a bit over concerned. "It's going to be fine, we just have to prove that she's been stalking us and she's…crazy." Tori assured her.

"What's with the new toaster?" She asked sensing Tori was uncomfortable talking about Jen further.

"Your son let the girls set the old one on fire." Tori answered frankly.

Nancy Hillstrand didn't bat an eye or seem surprised at all, "So is he going to able to handle taking them back out fishing this summer without you?"

"Why wouldn't I be going with them?" Tori wondered what she had missed.

"Well, you're…pregnant…" She said cautiously.

"Um, not that I know of." Tori took a deep breath, "I don't know anything yet."

"Oh…you are. Trust me, I can see it…you have that glow." She patted Tori's cheek, "You look healthy, and I'm sorry dear but you hardly ever look healthy."

"Well, you'll know as soon as we do, I promise." Tori smiled, feeling a bit excited for the first time. "I should get back, Kelly is moving in today so John is on his own with the girls."

"Oh…no. Yeah you better go." She laughed as Tori waved and headed out of the store.

Tori was greeted in the foyer by Hannah and Samari, who gave a very well rehearsed apology for fighting and stated that if they had a choice they really wanted a baby brother. Tori was certain this may have come from another source. "Thanks John, cause I'm not under enough pressure already." She said, throwing the new toaster at him. "I'll be upstairs…just give me some space please."

"Tori…come on, don't be like that." It was too late she was gone and he heard the bedroom door slam. "Your Mom's mad at me again." He said looking down at the kids.

"Wow, you're a genius." Kelly's voice came from behind him. "I'm done with my stuff for now, I'll start dinner. Do NOT go up there for at least a half hour…you need to let her…adjust. You and I know she's been knocked up for at least a couple weeks, she's been in denial."

"I don't know why she's so negative." Johnathan said, following Kelly to the kitchen, sending the twins scurrying back to their playroom.

"I take it back, you're not a genius. She's afraid she can't and maybe you'll leave her, ya know for someone…younger." Kelly shot him a knowing look. "You do tend to go for the young ones Johnny."

"That's not gonna happen. She knows that…I think." He still had a lot of guilt over cheating on Tori.

"Just remember that no matter what happened with Tori and Jen or why it happened…you cheated on her. And not only did she stay with you, she's having another child with you." Kelly stated as if in disbelief. "You managed to screw up Tthe self esteem of the most confident woman I've ever met."

"I know...I'm an asshole." Johnathan looked around for a clock, not knowing where anything was in the house yet. "Has it been a half hour?"

Johnathan's idea of a half hour was all of fifteen minutes. He made his way upstairs and carefully opened the bedroom door. Tori was sitting at her vanity, brushing her long black hair. He stood quietly, rubbing her shoulders, not wanting to get yelled at again.

Tori looked up through the mirror. She had to admit what she already suspected along with everyone else. "I'm just gonna say this once. You are not going to treat me like I'm made of glass for the next nine months. Now go make me some damn bacon."

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I don't know if I can yell any louder  
How many time I've kicked you outta here?  
Or said something insulting?

I can be so mean when I wanna be  
I am capable of really anything  
I can cut you into pieces  
But my heart is broken

Please don't leave me  
Please don't leave me  
I always say how I don't need you  
But it's always gonna come right back to this  
Please, don't leave me

How did I become so obnoxious?  
What is it with you that makes me act like this?  
I've never been this nasty

Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?  
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest  
But baby I don't mean it  
I mean it, I promise

I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me  
I cannot be without, you're my perfect little punching bag  
And I need you, I'm sorry

You say I don't need you  
But it's always gonna come right back  
It's gonna come right back to this  
Please, don't leave me

Please don't leave me, oh no  
I always say how I don't need you  
But it's always gonna come right back to this

(Please Don't Leave Me – Pink)


	18. Chapter 18

You all know what a disclaimer is...

A/N: I've been super busy and honestly in a writing slump. RL is kicking my ass right now. I'll try not to take this long to update again (it's so not like me!)

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Tori's desire for things to be business as usual was not going to happen. She couldn't move without Johnathan asking her what she was doing and trying to do it for her. She was relieved when he finally left for Salmon, taking the twins with him. She felt comfortable that they would be fine with the guys and was amazingly calm about letting them go.

"I'm impressed Tori," remarked Kelly as she packed the twins bags. "I didn't think you'd let them go."

"Can you imagine me telling them they couldn't go?" She giggled "Besides I really need some rest, I'm just so tired and John is really making me crazy."

"He's just nervous, when he gets back and sees that you did fine without him maybe he'll start to back off." Kelly looked over at Tori who really did look tired. "You do look a little tired though…"

"Don't start." Tori shot a glare, "and don't tell him that! I'll never get him out the door." They finished packing Hannah and Samari's bags and dropped them by the front door. Johnathan finished loading the truck and came in to get the girls who were hugging their mother arguing over why she couldn't come when there wasn't a baby yet. "You guys be good, listen to Daddy and Uncle Neal." She looked up at Johnathan who appeared to be holding his breath like he had something to say. "What?"

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay home? I can get someone else up there." He offered one last time even though he already knew the answer.

"We've been over this. If you don't leave you may not live to see this child." She said with a sinister smile. Giving him one last kiss she waved her hands toward the door, the girls did the rest. They were anxious as usual and dragged him out the door. "Love you guys, have fun." She slammed the door turning and leaning against it. She was exhausted and not sure if it was normal or not. Being able to carry on a normal routine while pregnant was new. "Kel, I'm going upstairs to lie down."

"Let me know if you need anything, I'm gonna clean the girl's rooms." Kelly stood and watched Tori pull herself up the stairs; she wondered if a break was all she needed. Several hours later, Kelly heard Tori come back downstairs. "How ya feel?"

"Fucking fantastic…I guess I just needed some sleep. I wake up at night constantly. I think I catch John checking to see if I'm breathing or something. It's freaking me out." She laughed, heading to the kitchen. She was pleased to find that Kelly had made a large bowl of potato salad. Rather than fix herself a bowl she grabbed a fork and took a few bites standing at the counter.

"You know that's supposed to be more than one helping right?" Kelly smirked walking in catching Tori.

"I know…I was just seeing if it needed anything." She shot back.

"Right…There's chocolate cake too." Kelly smiled.

"There's cake?" Tori quickly set down the bowl of salad and grabbed a plate as Kelly cut her off a piece. "Are you done with this?" She asked picking up the huge salad bowl.

"No…I was gonna have both." Tori suddenly was aware of how repulsive that sounded. "Yeah…I'm done with it." Tori came to the conclusion that since there was only one baby this time she had no intention of letting herself get as enormous as she did before. She was diligent about her yoga routine and walking on her treadmill. Kelly tried to advise her on her eating habits but it wasn't easy since she constantly craved the strangest things.

Johnathan knew he was going to have his hands full with two little girls running wild on the Time Bandit. Fortunately, Scott had agreed to come out again to help out. When they arrived, he broke the news to Mike and Neal that they would be without Tori this season.

"So…you're gonna run things and handle your girls?" Mike Fourtner questioned as they sat in the wheelhouse while heading out to the grounds.

"Yeah, I think I'm capable. Besides, that's why I have you guys." He smiled looking over his crew. "Scotty, you're in charge of meals, they can eat peanut butter sandwiches at least once a day. Fourtner, you're in charge in bedtime stories. Neal you have the deck, I'll be teaching my girls to…_Captain_."

"So, again…why isn't Tori here?" Mike was seriously questioning his captain's sanity.

"Because…we're having another baby." Johnathan waited for the obvious responses.

"On purpose?" Mike asked earning a hearty laugh from Scott.

"Why the fuck does everyone keep asking that? Am I that bad?...Don't answer that." Johnathan threw his hands up and headed down to make sure Hannah and Samari were settling themselves in. They weren't. They were in the galley, one trying to boost the other onto the counter.

"Hey! What are you doin'?" Johnathan said, startling them.

"We're hungry." Hannah answered blinking her eyes innocently and tugging his hand.

"Don't look at me like that…did your mother teach ya that?" He knew he was in trouble. "Cause I always know when she's up to something too."

The season passed without too many issues. The girls were so interested in what was going on that they didn't have time to fight. They also liked having their dad to themselves. After all, he let them stay up way too late and have ice cream whenever they wanted. Johnathan was enjoying his _daddy time_ but his thoughts were always on Tori. He was beginning to feel like they may have gotten in over their heads…again.

Mike had just finished story time and wandered into the wheelhouse catching Johnathan sneaking a cigarette. "Don't let the girls catch you, cause they'll rat you out."

"Yeah, no shit." He took another drag and tossed it out the window.

"So a baby, that explains the new house." Mike stated casually.

"Yeah, it's a little over the top for me but whatever makes her happy…" Johnathan took a deep breath. "I just hope she doesn't end up hating me."

"Why would she…you didn't do anything bad lately…did you?" Mike hoped the answer was no.

"Of course not…asshole." He reached over and belted Mike in the back of the head. "I'm just saying that she's been through a lot of shit. I want her life to be easier and I don't think I'm doing a very good job right now."

"I don't think she's the kind of woman who would just do something she didn't want to do just to keep you happy." Mike smiled. "You know her better than that."

"Yeah, you're probably right. But I need to get Eddie or somebody to come up here in the fall. I'm not coming back till crab fishin' starts. Tori's lawyer said that Jen is really pushing this thing. If it were any normal person it wouldn't be that bad but because of Tori's…history…it makes things worse. We need to get things cleaned up before the baby is born." The reality of Tori going to jail was causing him to lose sleep.

By the time Johnathan and the girls returned from fishing Tori was looking a bit plumper but clearly healthy and well rested. Which was more than could be said for Johnathan. He came through the front door looking tired and beaten. Tori eyed him for a second wondering what had gone so wrong during tendering that he looked so bad, then the twins came blasting through the door almost knocking their father over. Before he could say a word Samari shouted, "Mama look, I got stitches!" she held up her tiny hand proudly displaying four small sutures on the palm of her hand. To Tori's dismay it was also apparent these had been done most like by Johnathan on the boat and not by a doctor or at a hospital.

"Oh baby, are you ok?" She knelt down looking at her daughter's hand then shot Johnathan a murderous stare, waiting for some kind of explanation.

"She did real good; hardly a tear." He said trying to avoid Tori's eyes. "And before you lose your mind, I wasn't letting her play with knives or anything. She was climbing around in the wheelhouse and fell off the console…got cut on the way down."

"Samari Rae…"Tori started to scold her for not listening then realized that she may indeed _have_ been listening. "Where was your father?"

"He was standin' there." She said shrugging her shoulders.

"Why don't you two go find Kelly, let her know your back." Tori stood up with a heavy sigh, staring discontentedly at Johnathan. "החביב מיובש." (_Irresponsible jerk_)

"If you're gonna yell, can we do that in English so I at least have a chance?" He said grabbing her hips and pulling her to him.

"I can't believe you! You were right there." She was in no way letting off the hook.

"It's a tiny cut; it's her first battle scar. Believe me she's gonna have a lot more." As he tried to kiss her he realized that was not the right thing to say.

"Oh no, she isn't! That's it, they're too young to be out there and you're too irresponsible." She tried to give him a shove but he had his arms around her at this point and wasn't letting her go. "They're just little girls you fucking jackass!" Now tears were streaming down her cheeks, telling Johnathan that this was less about being mad and more about hormones.

"I missed you." He hugged her tightly until she stopped crying.

"I'm sorry, I missed you too." She looked up as he wiped a tear from her cheek. "Now let go of me and go take a shower cause you're making me sick."

"Anything for you Angel." He laughed and headed up the stairs. When he emerged from the shower Tori was straightening up the room, something she clearly hadn't done since he left. "You get some rest while we were gone?" He was careful not to sound paranoid.

"Yes, and I've been eating and exercising and doing everything exactly the way I'm supposed to." She replied wrapping her arms around his neck, verifying that he was no longer smelled like a crab boat. "I saw the doctor yesterday, everything is perfect. Stop worrying."

"So, do we know…what it is?" It didn't really matter but he wanted to know.

"It's a baby. Can you believe it…human. More proof for your critics." She giggled as she flopped back on the bed.

Johnathan climbed onto the bed next to her rubbing her stomach, "Very funny, spill it."

"I'm just messing with you, I don't know yet. The doctor couldn't tell. So we'll have to wait. And I promise you get to name this one no matter what…as long as it isn't something stupid." She had made that deal in the beginning and thought she may live to regret it.

"And the other thing?" Johnathan was hoping that unlike last time he wouldn't have to go months without touching her.

She gave a tug on his shirt, "I'm not even sure why you got dressed."

This was music to his ears as he pulled off the clothes that he apparently shouldn't have put on, Tori slid out of her clothes and climbed under the blanket. "Where ya goin'?" Johnathan tried to pull her up.

"Hey, go easy. You just can't be throwing me through furniture and stuff." She knew they had a definite pattern.

Johnathan smiled running his hand behind her neck and kissing her passionately. "Is that better"

"Yeah, I can definitely handle that." She whispered returning the kiss. They spent the rest of the night upstairs alone. Johnathan couldn't quite figure out what it was that was making it impossible him to stop touching her and it was taking every ounce of self control he had to be gentle. After he fell asleep, Tori got up and slipped downstairs to check on the kids, both were sound asleep, exhausted from their adventure. Satisfied that all was right in the world, she made her way to the kitchen for a well deserved snack, or two.

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I'll sing it one last time for you  
Then we really have to go  
You've been the only thing that's right  
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you  
But every single time I do  
I know we'll make it anywhere  
Away from here

Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes  
Makes it so hard not to cry  
And as we say our long goodbye  
I nearly do

Light up...

Slower slower  
We don't have time for that  
All I want is to find an easier way  
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear  
We're bound to be afraid  
Even if it's just for a few days  
Making up for all this mess

(Run – Snow Patrol)


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: see every other chapter ever written.

A/N: A big Happy Birthday to my hubby! Since he's 42 *cough,gasp* I thought about trading him in for two 21 yr olds...then I thought *I don't want to have to train them!* So anyway my goal is to get through a weekend of partying without needing bail.

So here is an update for you...I'm out of my slump so I should be a little quicker. I had to do something funny with these kids going to school cause lets be honest they are not sugar and spice and blah blah blah...

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The summer seemed to fly and it was time for the twins to start school. Johnathan was happy he had decided to stay home till King season since he was actually starting to enjoy the new house and of course all the extra time with Tori. He wondered how she was going to handle sending the girls off to school given her intense mood swings that sent her periodically from yelling to crying in a matter of seconds. That particular morning the girls were testing her patience and it seemed that shipping them off to school was going to be a blessing. Johnathan made the mistake of thinking that he may be able to help out.

"Hey, get over here and put your sweater on." He was following Hannah around the house and it was clear she was making a game of it.

"I'm not wearing that!" She squeaked and bolted down the hall.

"Why not?" He finally caught her in the foyer.

"Cause Samari's wearing one like that!" She continued her protest drawing Kelly's attention. She had just finished packaging their lunches and loading up their backpacks.

"John do NOT try to dress them alike." Kelly warned.

"Why?" He gave her a quizzical look and continued trying to get Hannah to take the sweater.

"Because they are unique people with individual personalities, they aren't a _matched set_." Tori responded as she came in to foyer with Samari in tow, who was clearly unhappy with how tight her ponytail was.

"What's wrong princess?" Johnathan asked her, giving her a nudge. She responded by shooting her mother a belligerent glare.

"She wants a baseball hat and I said no." Tori said, ignoring Samari's death stare. "She needs to be a little more put together than on a crab boat…she is definitely yours Hillstrand." Tori went to the closet and grabbed their coats. As she turned her back, Johnathan snatched a hat off the nearby bench and tucked it into Samari's backpack giving her wink.

Tori finally got Hannah settled on a little black jacket in contrast to the red sweater that Samari was wearing. "Let's go, Kelly's waiting." She motioned to the door and both children instantly froze. The realization of going to school had apparently just hit them. "בואו, יהיה בסדר." (_Come on, you'll be fine_) Tori bent down and gave them a hug and tried to get them closer to the door.

"Angel, maybe we should take them today." Johnathan suggested. Seeing both of them smiling, Tori gave a nod and grabbed her coat. She got the feeling he may be more nervous about this than she was.

After getting them to school, there was a quick rundown of the revised rules. "Remember, no fighting… and I want you behave like ladies, not fishermen. Daddy will be here to pick you up later." Tori gave them one last straightening out, kissed them and watched as they walked into the classroom.

The teacher quickly darted out when she saw Johnathan and Tori. "Mr. and Mrs. Hillstrand, we're so excited to have the twins here this year. Did you have any questions or concerns?" The woman was looking directly at Tori as if she expected her to have something to say.

Tori smiled politely and shook her head and looked up at Johnathan who was peaking into the classroom trying to get a look. She gave him an elbow getting his attention. He looked uncomfortably at her then at the teacher. "Um, just that our life is kind of crazy and they're not really used to…being with other kids." He was actually afraid of what his daughters may do to the other kids.

"It's like this," Tori spoke up, still wearing a polite smile. "They have some bad habits and worse language all of which is our fault. I think what my husband is trying to say is that it may be a good idea to split them up, so they don't gang up on you…or anyone."

The teacher stood motionless for a second wondering what she had gotten herself into. "I'll be sure to try to get them to socialize with the other kids, I'm sure they'll adjust just fine."

After she disappeared back into the classroom, Tori took Johnathan's hand and pulled him toward the exit. It was obvious he had doubts about leaving them. "How long ya think before they get kicked out of here?" He asked as they walked out of the building.

"I'm just hoping we get through the first day without a phone call." Tori replied stifling a giggle. "You'll have to get them by yourself this afternoon. I have a doctor's appointment."

Every time the phone rang, Tori would hold her breath, hoping that it wasn't the school. She was sure that Hannah and Samari would push the envelope. She was pleasantly surprised when no call had come by the time she and Johnathan were headed out for their afternoon appointments.

Johnathan arrived at the school a few minutes early. Parking the car out front, he got out and headed for the building. He was startled when he heard a familiar voice call his name. He looked over his shoulder hoping he was wrong, but dashing across the street to catch him…was Jen.

"I got nothin' to say to you." He turned his back to her and kept walking.

"Johnathan please!" She grabbed his arm. "If we could just talk?"

"About what? The fact that you knew Tori the whole time and lied, or the fact that now you're trying to have her put in jail." He pulled away from her, "I need to get my kids…you need to go."

"Johnathan, I loved you and that wasn't a lie." She was now crying and he was looking around to make sure no one was seeing this.

"I'm sorry, but I never promised you anything. I love Victoria…that's the end." He noticed some people arriving and wanted to end this quickly.

"You would have gone your separate ways if you didn't have kids…you know it." She protested, reaching for his hand but he stepped back from her.

"You need to move on and leave us alone." He turned and walked into the building, knowing that she was in no way brave enough to follow him in since she wouldn't get past the front door. He stood in the hall waiting for the girls, trying not to think about what Jen had said to him.

"Daddy!" Samari shot out of the classroom, wearing the hat he had helped her smuggle out of the house. She jumped into his arms as he gave her a big kiss. Hannah was standing at his feet looking unhappy.

"Did you guys have fun?" He surveyed their expressions, neither looked very confident. "What happened?"

"Nothin'" Hannah answered.

"Mr. Hillstrand, can I see you for a minute?" The girl's teacher was motioning him to come over.

He set Samari down next to her sister and walked to the classroom door. "What did they do?" He was prepared for the worst.

"Well, some boys were picking on Samari…I guess about her name. Hannah…punched one of them." The woman didn't sound as upset as Johnathan had expected so he let her continue. "There was a bit of a scuffle…but after that, they would only speak to each other...in some…other language?"

"Hebrew. When they get mad, they…their mom kind of…" Johnathan rubbed his face and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, their mother and I will deal with it."

"It's alright, I'm sure this is a big change for them. I understand they travel quite a bit and they already fish with you." She said in a calming voice. "They're very smart Mr. Hillstrand, I'm sure they'll settle in, maybe get them into a play group, so they can work on their…social skills." She smiled at the girls and walked back into the classroom.

"You two are in big trouble." He gave them a serious look but they were looking just as serious and unapologetic. "You're mom is not gonna be happy." Johnathan drove home with two silent little girls in the back seat. His mind was racing between his confrontation with Jen and how Tori was going to take the news that the girls had been in a fight already.

When he arrived home Kelly was in the foyer waiting. "Give me your coats; your mom is in the living room waiting to hear all about school." She looked up and saw Johnathan's stressed expression. "Oh crap, what did they do?"

"Got in a fight…" He said nodding.

"Not surprised…" Kelly answered, walking behind Johnathan toward the living room to break the news to Tori. When they walked in, Hannah and Samari had already told their mother of their victory and Tori was already scolding them in Hebrew, ending with a swift point down the hall sending them retreating to their rooms. Kelly smirked and followed them. "I'll make sure they get washed up for dinner."

Tori took a few deep breaths running her hand through her long hair. Johnathan settled onto the couch next to her not sure if he should say anything. Tori pulled her feet up onto the couch and rested her head on his shoulder. "I knew this would happen." She spoke softly, "They're too much like…us." She reached down to the coffee table picking up a picture from her ultrasound and handed it to Johnathan.

"What am I lookin' at?" He said taking it, looking intently as he turned it around trying to make some sense of it.

"Your son…." She looked up to see him smiling uncontrollably at the picture. "Happy?"

"I would have been happy no matter what; you know that…but yeah." He admittedly was hoping for a boy since he was sadly outnumbered in the house. "You think those two are bad? Just wait." He slid his arm around her shoulders squeezing her closer.

"So how much trouble are they in?" She asked, wondering if she would need to go in and talk to their teacher.

"She didn't seem too worried. Just said she understood that they are used to a different life and they would adjust eventually. She thinks they need some social skills." The comment made Tori laugh out loud since neither she nor Johnathan were known for their people skills. Johnathan was weighing whether or not to mention his encounter with his former mistress. He wanted to make sure it wasn't going to cause Tori too much stress, but she seemed relaxed and all things considered, in a good mood. "Angel, there's something I need to tell you." He stroked her cheek gently, looking into her sapphire blue eyes. "Jen was waiting for me this afternoon…I mean I assume that's why she was there. She had no other reason to be." He felt Tori immediately tense up. "I told her I had nothin' to say to her…that she needed to move on and leave us alone." He deliberately left out the part where Jen professed her love to him feeling like that was just going make Tori even more upset. He had never once thought Jen had real feelings for him and it had caught him a bit off guard and was feeling guilty all over again.

Tor sat staring at him for a moment then slowly pulled herself off the couch. "I'm not feeling very well; I'm going to lie down for a little while."

"Tori…please talk to me." He asked emphatically as she headed for the stairs.

"I can't do this right now." As she looked back over her shoulder he could see there were tears in her eyes and he regretted saying anything at all even though it was the right thing to do. He sat on the couch staring at the ultrasound picture thinking about how happy he was and wishing that Tori were happy too. He would be leaving soon for Dutch Harbor and wanted to make sure that his wife didn't have any lingering insecurities.

Upstairs, Tori curled up on the king size bed pulling a fluffy comforter over her. She was still crying but admittedly not sure why. She wasn't jealous or threatened; she had no doubts about Johnathan's devotion to their marriage but Jen's continuous presence was a constant reminder of a past she wanted desperately to forget. She was angry about how irresponsible it was of her to have put herself in a situation that could put her in jail and leave Johnathan with three young children to take care of. But had he been faithful in the first place, none of this would be happening. The more she thought about it the more she cried.

If I were a boy  
even just for a day  
I'd roll out of bed in the morning  
and throw on what I wanted and go

Drink beer with the guys  
and chase after girls  
I'd kick it with who I wanted  
and I'd never get confronted for it  
cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy  
I think I could understand  
How it feels to love a girl  
I swear I'd be a better man  
I'd listen to her  
Cause I know how it hurts  
When you lose the one you wanted  
Cause he's taking you for granted  
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy  
I would turn off my phone  
Tell everyone it's broken  
so they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I'd put myself first  
and make the rules as I go  
Cause I know that she'll be faithful,  
waiting for me to come home, to come home.

It's a little too late for you to come back  
Say it's just a mistake,  
think I'd forgive you like that  
If you thought I would wait for you  
you thought wrong

But you're just a boy  
and you don't understand, ohhhh  
How it feels to love a girl  
Someday you'll wish you were a better man  
You don't listen to her  
You don't care how it hurts  
Until you lose the one you wanted  
Cause you're taking her for granted  
And everything you had got destroyed

But you're just a boy

(If I were a Boy – Beyonce)


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: fill in the blank...

A/N: This is all for the crazy chics. You know who you are...can you seriously imagine what my girl Tori would do to someone who messed with her kids? So Happy father's day to any dad's out there who may be lurking in here reading this (I know, I'm just sayin...) I'm outta here, chartered for the weekend.

Please review! It keeps Irish nice!

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Johnathan sat at the large dining room table with Hannah and Samari while Kelly fixed the girls plates. Tori hadn't come downstairs and Kelly was urging him to leave her alone for a bit. "Just give her some time to rest. When I took diner up to her she promised she would eat something and said she just had head ache."

"She's lying." Johnathan said flatly.

"Well of course she's lying…" Kelly stopped, not wanting to say anything regarding Jen or Tori's trial in front of the kids. "Let's just hope _psycho girl _keeps screwing up like she did today."

Johnathan nodded in agreement. He knew Tori's best chance of having the charges dropped or even looking innocent in court was for Jen to continue to harass them even though it was upsetting to Tori. Later that evening Johnathan had fallen asleep on the couch while watching television when he felt a gentle kiss on his lips. He smiled as he saw Tori sitting next to him, "How ya feelin'?"

"I'm ok, the girls are all tucked in, why don't you come up to bed." She said quietly running her fingers through his hair.

"Angel we need to talk." Time was running out for them and he was going crazy trying to ignore the obvious predicament. "They only postponed your trial because you're pregnant. I know you don't want relive the past but you may have to tell the court everything. It may be the only way they'll believe there were…circumstances."

"I don't know if I can do it John. It's like as long as I don't say it…it never happened." She couldn't even look him in the eye and think about the facts of her past with Jen's father. The person Armand had created seemed like a distant dream, almost like it was someone else and not her.

"Victoria, none of this was your fault. We'll fix this, I promise." He got up pulling her with him and taking her hand led her upstairs. Tori climbed into bed and snuggling into Johnathan's arms fell asleep in seconds. He lay awake for a while just watching her until he finally fell into a restless sleep. Sometime later he was awakened by a tug on his beard. As he opened one eye he saw Samari in front of him.

"What are you doin' up here princess? You should be sleeping." He whispered.

"There's a monster." She whispered back. "Outside my window."

Even in the dark he could see that she looked scared. "Ok, I'll come take a look." He was no sooner out of bed when the alarm system went off.

"John what's going on?" Tori had had woke up to the ringing of the alarm.

"I don't know. I'm gonna go check it out." He set Samari on the bed with Tori and headed downstairs. As he reached the bottom of the stairs he almost ran into Kelly who was standing in the hall half awake and startled.

"That'll be the security company." She said as the phone began ringing. "I'll get it." She shuffled quickly to the phone, verifying that to the security company that the alarm had indeed gone off.

Johnathan was just to Samari's room when he heard Hannah screaming. As he ran down the hall and into her room his heart almost stopped. She was huddled in the corner and her window was wide open. Samari's monster had actually been someone trying to get into the house. Apparently they had tried her window first before prying open Hannah's triggering the alarm.

He grabbed her hand and led her out into the hall. "Its ok baby, go upstairs and stay with mom." Hannah ran full speed down the hall almost knocking Kelly over and straight up the stairs.

"The police are on their way. What the hell happened?" Kelly was still trying to catch her breath as she looked into Hannah's room and saw the open window. "Oh my god John, that was locked, I know it was." They heard a heavy pound on the door and went to the foyer.

"Mr. Hillstrand we're responding to a call from you security company." Said one of the two police officers who were now at the door.

"Yeah, someone tried to break in. They got one of the windows open in my daughter's room, I'll show you." He motioned letting the officer in, who followed him down the hall while the other called in for another patrol car.

"This is pretty isolated up here…Can you think of anyone who would want to do something like this?" The officer continued, "I can't imagine this was a random burglary, houses like this always have alarm systems and you folks were home so I'm guessing this is personal."

Johnathan knew in a second who it was. He couldn't believe Jen would stoop to breaking and entering to get his attention but then an echo of something she had said earlier that day rang in his head. "I know who did this…and she was trying to take my kids."

Kelly's mouth fell open and the color dropped from her face. "Jen? That fucking bitch…"

At that moment, one of the officers received a radio call from the other patrol car. "The other unit has picked someone up down by the main road, a woman…she was trying to hide in the bushes. They're bringing her up here." A second pair of officers arrived at the door with a thin blond in handcuffs.

"Kel, please go up and check on girls and ask Tori to come down here." Johnathan asked her without meeting her eyes. After he heard her go up the stairs he began detailing the situation to the police while Jen stared at him with contemp.

Kelly walked in to find Tori sitting on the bed with two terrified little girls clinging to her. "What's going on down there?"

"They caught…Jen down by the main road. John thinks she…" Kelly's eyes swept over the twins conveying what she didn't want to say out loud.

"I'll kill her!" Tori shot up wrapping her long black robe around her and made for the door.

"Tori stop. The police have her. You need to listen, John wants you to go down there, you two are going to press charges against her…you know, use the law instead of break it." Kelly had her hands firmly on Tori's shoulders holding her still until she calmed down.

"I'm ok, I've got this. Stay with them…I won't lose it, promise." She took a deep breath and walked downstairs. As she entered the foyer Johnathan put an arm around her waist ready to intervene if she got too upset. "Hello officers, thank you for coming so quick." She was trying to put on her best face in light of the fact that this could buy her freedom. She looked at Jen and shook her head, almost showing pity. "I know that you hate me, but how could you?"

Jen glanced at Tori briefly but said nothing. She looked back at Johnathan, "You would have been happy with me, but you just couldn't leave your perfect little family could you."

At this remark, Tori tried to step forward but Johnathan wouldn't let her, running his hand protectively to her stomach issuing her a stern reminder. The feeling of fear and helplessness finally broke her and she burst into tears, burying her head against his chest.

"We'll take her down to the station, we can charge her with breaking and entering and possibly attempted kidnapping if you folks are willing to give statements." The officer motioned for his partner to remove Jen seeing how badly it was upsetting Tori. "You can come down and do it in the morning, I think everyone's been through enough tonight and I'm sure you want to stay with your daughters."

"Thank you, we'll be there." Johnathan replied shaking the officer's hand. Despite this being one of the scariest things to ever happen to him, he felt a strange sense of relief. Almost like there was finally some closure to the relationship he had with Jen and the pain he had caused Tori. He hoped that his wife felt some closure too.

Once the house had cleared out Tori went back upstairs while Johnathan made a sweep through the house checking all the windows and resetting the alarm. By the time he got upstairs, Kelly had gone back to bed, and Tori and both girls were asleep huddled together on the bed. Johnathan decided that it was going to be as impossible to get them back to their rooms tonight as it was for him to be able to fall back to sleep.

He decided to go back downstairs and call Andy. It was the middle of the night but this was one of those times when his brother would have been mad if he didn't get a late night call. "Hey bro, sorry to wake ya…"

"What time is it, what happened?" Andy was stammering into the phone.

"It's almost 4am my time. Everything's ok…just had kind of a crazy night here." Johnathan leaned back on the couch trying to decompress the adrenaline that he was still feeling. "Jen broke in to the house tonight."

"What? Are you fucking serious? How the fuck did she even find the house?" Andy was now completely awake and so was Sabrina who was sitting up in bed next to him trying to make out the drama from the other side of the phone.

"She was at the school today; she must have followed me home." Johnathan felt better all ready. There were just some things he couldn't say to Tori, it would just end up hurting her. "It was weird, she started telling me that she loved me and like…begging me to talk to her."

"You aren't having second thoughts here are you?" Andy was suddenly worried that Johnathan was getting itchy.

"No. Not a chance in hell. I guess I just feel bad cause I was with her for a while and maybe I did lead her on. Fuck Andy, if my wife knew some of the shit I said to that girl…I was an asshole." Johnathan sat remembering the comments he had made about Tori to Jen and the attention he had showered on her.

"Don't beat yourself up John, the girl is crazy." Andy reassured him.

"You don't know the half of it. She said if we didn't have the girls, I would have left…then she shows up here tonight…I think she figured if they were gone…" Johnathan looked down at his hands that were still shaking a bit. "She almost got Hannah; thank god we put in that alarm system. Do you have any idea what Tori would have done…?"

"Listen John, just make sure you do this right and get this girl out of your lives." Andy wondered if they would have to move again. "Just concentrate on Tori and that new baby."

"Oh yeah I almost forgot to tell you…it's a boy." Johnathan said, a smile finally returning to his face.

"Awesome! Another Hillstrand boy to carry on the name." Andy gave Sabrina a nudge to make sure she had heard. "Get some sleep while you can…it's almost crab season."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks Andy, I'll talk to you soon." Johnathan hung up the phone and decided to head back upstairs and try to get some sleep.

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Loving lying enemy  
I have seen your face before  
Never thought again I'd see  
Didn't want to anymore

I remember your loving eyes  
And the moonlit kiss  
The evening lullabies I will truly miss  
Through the years we had it all  
Midnight whispers, the midday calls  
This house of cards, it had to fall

And you ask for forgiveness  
You're asking too much  
I have sheltered my heart in a place you can't touch  
Don't believe when you tell me your love is real  
Because you don't know much about heaven boy  
If you have to hurt to feel

Every time I see you  
I can't help but look away  
All along I had believed everything you'd say  
When I look now I know I've seen your face before  
Don't want your deceiving smile  
Standing at my door  
And I don't care what people say  
I'm ready now to face this day

And you ask for forgiveness  
You're asking too much  
I have sheltered my heart in a place you can't touch  
Don't believe when you tell me your love is real  
Because you don't know much about heaven boy  
If you have to hurt to feel

(Forgiveness – Sarah McLachlan)


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: painfully nothing has changed.

A/N: I lightened up a bit for this one (yes we have some mushy, blah blah...) And I hope isis doesn't shank me for hooking up Neal in this one!

Reviews folks...I like em.

* * *

The next day proved to be every bit as stressful as predicted. Tori and Johnathan had to go to the police station and take care of the unpleasant business of giving statement regarding Jen's actions. Tori was forced to recount the years she wished had never happened and do it all in front of a room full of investigators, attorneys…and Johnathan. She felt fortunate that they didn't push for too many details. Johnathan also knew they were easy on her because she was pregnant and quite honestly could have been happy never knowing some of the things she did have to explain. Jen was charged and promptly bailed out with one quick phone call to her father who was no doubt taking some kind of warped pleasure in the fact that he was still involved in Tori's life.

The ride home was tense and Johnathan could feel his wife slipping further away. Despite the fact that all the charges against Tori had been dropped in light of Jen's _stalking_ behavior she seemed unsettled. He was worried about her state of mind and if it would be safe to leave her in just a week's time. Kelly was struggling with the aftermath as well. The girls were asking a lot of questions, none of which she felt qualified to answer. She was relieved when she heard Johnathan and Tori come in. "I'm glad you're back, listen those kids are freaked out and I don't know how much you want them to know."

"I'll take care of it, this is my fault." Johnathan said then turned to Tori, "and you've been through enough."

"No, we do it together." Tori took his hand and put on a brave face although both Johnathan and Kelly knew this was killing her. They went to the kid's playroom and sat down for what was to be a difficult discussion.

By afternoon all was seemingly back to normal. Johnathan was working on the nursery, Tori reading to the girls and Kelly folding laundry. But there was no denying there was a strange feeling in the house and Johnathan decided he had enough and needed to make sure that Tori was coping with everything and was ready for him to leave. He walked into the playroom where the girls were napping in a massive pile of pillows on the floor. Tori was sitting in a chair rubbing her stomach deep in thought.

"What are you thinking?" Johnathan said softly, entering the room.

"That I'm pissed off and there's nothing I can do about it." She answered getting up and stepping carefully around the pile of pillows. She walked down the hall signaling him to follow her. Stopping in the hall she turned and spoke, "I want to come to Dutch with you."

"What? With the kids?" He wasn't sure where she was going with this but if he knew one thing it was that Tori seldom did anything without a motive.

"Yeah, to see you off. I figure that since you won't be here for their birthday and I'm fine to travel it would be fun for them and good for us." She began running her hands over his chest, backing him toward the stairs. "You know, let your fans get a look at your daughters."

"You mean like let the cameras near the kids?" He knew she must have a good reason for this since it had always been her goal to keep them as far from the public eye as possible. He suddenly found himself running his hands though her hair then down her back. She always knew how to push his buttons and get her way but he tried to stay in control.

"I think it's time I stopped hiding, and I think it will be good for people to know that all of our problems are behind us…and that we're expecting." She had now gotten him all the way to the upstairs hall without him even realizing it.

"If you think…" He was stopped mid sentence by a passionate kiss. "Uh…what the fuck, how do you always do this to me?" He was now feverishly pulling her clothes off.

"So is that a _yes_?" She said seductively as she had successfully gotten his pants off.

"Yes…" Johnathan laughed to himself as he realized he had just agreed to something he had no intention of agreeing to. "You're impossible, you know that…"

"Yup." With little more effort than what was in her little finger she had him on the bed and what sitting on top of him removing the rest of her clothes.

"And you're the sexiest woman alive." He smiled tugging at a lock of her hair beckoning her down into a kiss.

"You've already got me naked, you don't have to suck up, you're getting some." She giggled back at him as he wrapped his arms around her kissing her neck and shoulders.

"I'm not sucking up. Just want you to know how much I love you." He and Tori took full advantage of the girls nap time to have a nap of their own although there was certainly no sleeping involved.

That night at dinner, they informed the kids that they would be going to Dutch Harbor to see their father off for King crab season. This received more excitement than if Christmas and Hanukkah were happening tomorrow. Kelly was also uncharacteristically excited which had Tori wondering what had her suddenly so interested in the boat and crabbing.

Tori had the girls prepped and ready for their big Deadliest Catch debut. The Time Bandit producer and camera crew knew that there would be a rare opportunity to get footage of Johnathan with his wife and kids. Since his affair, he hadn't made many public statements or appearances so everyone was quite shocked, even more so when they saw a very pregnant Tori at his side.

"Great to see you guys, thanks for letting us get some footage." said the producer as he came over to greet them. "You have no idea how many questions the fans ask about Victoria and the girls." Johnathan smiled but had a good idea what kinds of questions were probably being asked lately.

"When are you due?" He asked Tori as he politely tried to get the girls to face the camera.

"March" She answered smiling. "He may actually be home this time."

"Can we ask what it is?" He continued filming hoping to get an answer knowing it would make a great segment to the show.

"It's a boy…don't ask if we have a name picked out because that's _Captain_ Hillstrands department and he hasn't given me clue what he's thinking." She was starting to worry about whether he hadn't thought of a name yet or he had and didn't want to tell her.

Johnathan kneeled down next to Hannah and Samari. "I know I'm gonna miss your 5th birthdays…so I'm giving you one of your presents now." As far as they were concerned just being there was a present and the thought of there being something more was invoking huge smiles complete with the dimples that were undeniably a Hillstrand trait. Johnathan produced two small black boxes from his pocket and smiled up at the camera man, making sure he was getting all this. Hannah and Samari's eyes lit up when they opened the boxes revealing gold crab necklaces just like their dad's but a bit smaller with their first initial engraved on each. After carefully placing the necklaces on the girls he stood up and gave Tori a long steamy kiss all of which the cameras were trained on.

"We ready to go guys?" He asked looking around to find his crew.

"Um John…" Tori nudged him looking at something over his shoulder. Her face was frozen in disbelief.

"What the fuck?" He could hardly believe what he was seeing but a few feet away was his brother Neal engaged in a lip lock with Kelly. He looked quickly back to his wife not knowing exactly what was going on.

"I had no idea, I swear." She said as she started laughing. "Guess she'll be getting over that fear of boats pretty soon."

"Hey Neal…" Johnathan said loud enough to draw everyone's attention to the couple. Kelly shot him a dirty look as she blushed.

"Yeah, I'm ready let's go." He was blushing too as he gave Kelly a quick peck and jumped onto the boat.

Johnathan turned back to Tori just shaking his head. "My brother is doing our nanny! I'm gonna have nightmares about this."

"I don't know…I think Aunt Kelly has a nice ring to it." Tori was still laughing despite the ugly look she was getting from Kelly.

"Ok monsters, say goodbye to your father, he's gotta go fishing." Kelly said trying to deflect attention back to the kids instead of her. Johnathan had a hard time prying Hannah and especially Samari off his neck and started to think this may have been a bad idea when he saw Samari's tears causing him a few of his own. Kelly took their hands and backed them up to give him and Tori a minute.

"This never gets easier does it?" Tori said feeling the tears welling up in her eyes.

"I'll be back so fast you'll never know I was gone." He pulled her into him kissing her and taking one more, good look at her. "I love you Angel."

"I love you too." She kissed him again, at which point she notice how many people were watching them. "Go, the sooner you get out there, the sooner you'll be back." She stepped back and Johnathan reluctantly let go of her hand and jumped over the rail waving to her one more time before disappearing into the wheelhouse.

"You have a beautiful family John." Said the producer as he got set up in the wheelhouse.

"Yeah, I know. I'm real lucky, Tori is amazing and hell, she puts up with me even if I don't know why." He joked as he picked up the hailer and spoke into it, "Hey Neal, how long you been fuckin' my nanny?"

A roar of laughter erupted on deck as Neal turned and gave his brother the finger and continued to work. Johnathan just wondered how he and Tori missed what was going on undoubtedly right in front of them. He felt confident this would be a good season since for the first time in a while his mind was clear of distractions and feelings of bad karma. The biggest problem he had to return to was what to get Tori for their anniversary and naming his new son.

Tori teased Kelly the entire flight home over her relationship with Neal. "I think it's great! I just don't know why you didn't tell us." She persisted.

"First of all, because you guys have been dealing with enough already, we just wanted to be there for you. Second, because your husband is an asshole." Kelly said frankly. "I hear you little pixies giggling back there so watch it." She warned the twins who were starting to sing something about Kelly and Neal sitting in a tree.

"Well yeah, but he's mine." Tori leaned back in her seat, ready to start enjoying her life again.

* * *

I took off for a weekend last month  
Just to try and recall the whole year  
All of the faces and all of the places  
Wonderin' where they all disappeared  
I didn't ponder the question too long  
I was hungry and went out for a bite  
Ran into a chum with a bottle of rum  
And we wound up drinkin' all night

Its these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes  
Nothing remains quite the same  
With all of our running and all of our cunning  
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane

Reading departure signs in some big airport  
Reminds me of the places I've been  
Visions of good times that brought so much pleasure  
Makes me want to go back again  
If it suddenly ended tomorrow  
I could somehow adjust to the fall  
Good times and riches and son of a bitches  
I've seen more than I can recall

These changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes  
Nothing remains quite the same  
Through all of the islands and all of the highlands  
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane

I think about Paris when I'm high on red wine  
I wish I could jump on a plane  
So many nights I just dream of the ocean  
God I wish I was sailin' again  
Oh, yesterdays over my shoulder  
So I can't look back for too long  
There's just too much to see waiting in front of me  
And I know that I just can't go wrong

(Changes in Latitudes – Jimmy Buffett)


	22. Chapter 22

If you want a disclaimer...go find one.

A/N: Ok, my writers block is gone and this came together nice and quick so hopefully I can finish this soon. I have new help on the boat and that probably helps since I don't have to worry if someone will bother show up to work. I have a fully booked weekend of charters so I wont get to party mush so you all will have to do it for me. Have a great holiday weekend!

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Johnathan wasn't joking when he said that he would be back so fast Tori would hardly know he was gone. The Time Bandit struck King Crab gold and had made their quota in no time. Johnathan thought maybe there really was something to the concept of karma. Everyone was excited to get home especially Neal who no longer had any need to conceal the fact that he was dating Kelly and had informed Johnathan that she would be needing some time off before the baby was born so they could go away together. Johnathan still couldn't even talk to him about it with a straight face.

Tori had been busy with getting everything ready in the nursery and keeping Hannah and Samari on the straight and narrow at school. She had been summoned to meet with their teacher and other parents so many times already that she thought private school or possibly a juvenile detention facility may be a better option. Samari had become withdrawn and wouldn't speak to anyone while Hannah wanted to fight with everyone. Tori knew it was because they missed their dad terribly and as they got older it would most likely get worse. She had taken shopping to new levels as a form of stress relief. Since she refused to buy clothes until after the baby was born, the house was full of useless knick-knacks and the kids had more toys than they could keep track of. She had also completely overhauled Johnathan's wardrobe whether he was going to like it or not.

She had decided not to go to Dutch to meet Johnathan; it was just too big of an undertaking at this point given the kids recent behavior. Instead she decided to host a bit of a holiday party at the house for friends and family, even including Nadine and her minions. She had decorated the house to encompass all the coming holidays and Kelly thought it was starting to resemble some kind of Norman Rockwell painting gone wrong. Tori insisted this was an attempt at being _festive_ although that wasn't a word she would have ever dreamed she would use.

Tori heard a car pull up and quickly looked out the window to see Neal's truck in the driveway and he and Johnathan walking toward the house. "Girls, daddy's home!" she shouted down the hall. No sooner had the door opened when Hannah and Samari tackled Johnathan in the foyer. Tori stood there smiling as Johnathan tried to shake the twins off and calm them down. She glanced over her shoulder as Kelly walked in wearing a beautiful dark green dress and high heels. Tori looked closely and was sure she saw mascara. But she had promised Kelly no more teasing and she honestly was happy for her and Neal and intended to make sure her husband behaved himself as well. A task easier said than done.

"Hey beautiful…" Johnathan whispered as he hugged Tori tightly, the girls still attached to his legs. He found himself not wanting to let go just yet. The feel of her silky hair and the scent of Jasmine were intoxicating him at the moment and he wished they were alone. Suddenly his attention was drawn to the extravagant additions to the décor. Between the crystal vases and bronze light fixtures that he was certain weren't there when he left was the exuberant display of holiday items. "Is the queen coming over?"

Kelly started to laugh, "Some women nest…your wife shops."

"What's with the…" He reached up poking at the garland around the archways, "…holiday cheer?"

"I'm trying to be festive. You know it's the holiday season and the only time we are ever really all together so I had this idea." She batted her big blue eyes, biting her bottom lip. Johnathan knew he was in trouble.

"What idea would that be?" He looked over at Kelly who was avoiding eye contact and grinning.

"I sort of put together a little…party." She said brightly.

"Party? Who are you and where is my wife?" Johnathan looked back at Neal who looked just as shocked. This sort of cheerful spirit and desire to be social combined with her publicly taking the kids to Dutch Harbor had everyone a bit confused. "Are sure you're up to this?"

"Of course, I feel great. Besides, Nadine did most of the work as far as planning." She continued.

"Nadine?" Now Johnathan was sure she had lost her mind and it was time to call in some sort of specialist. "So this is…big?"

"We'll talk about it over dinner…I cooked!" She gave Johnathan s sweet yet sexy kiss, "and I gave Kelly the night off." This wasn't necessarily a surprise; Johnathan had predicted that Tori would be advocating Neal and Kelly's relationship.

"Have fun you crazy kids and don't anything you've caught us doin'" Johnathan laughed as he gave Neal a shove which was countered by a swift shot to the arm. "Ow…Asshole!" Johnathan rubbed his arm still laughing.

"Seriously, have fun guys." Tori smiled as she shoved Johnathan urging him to ease up. He scooped up Hannah as Samari was dragging him toward the playroom wanting to show off all the new toys they had gotten.

"Girls, let's get cleaned up for dinner please." Tori entered the room, saving Johnathan from watching the twins twirl around in pink ballet tutus.

"Go shower before dinner please." She said picking up a few stray toys.

"Angel…What's going on?" Johnathan couldn't put his finger on it but it was like Tori had kicked into _supermom_ gear. Decorating, party planning, cooking and cleaning all with seemingly little effort and while maintaining control over unruly children.

"I don't know what you mean." Tori said zipping back down the hall to the kitchen. Johnathan tried to follow her but she waved him off to get cleaned up before dinner. When he came back downstairs, Tori had a huge dinner on the table of roast lamb with falafel and tahini. The girls were already inhaling their dinner as Johnathan took a seat next to Tori. "So, how was fishing?"

"Cut the crap Victoria. What's going on? This is not you…_how was fishing_?" He said giving her an absolutely dumbfounded look.

"Listen, I just think that it's time that I stepped up and started trying to handle…my life." She said confidently. "I think we both know that Kelly isn't gonna be here forever, especially now."

"So we hire a new nanny." Johnathan couldn't figure out what the problem with this line of thinking was but by the look on Tori's face he was definitely on a different page.

"I can't just bring people in and out of here. It'll be too hard for the kids. And let's be honest, women do this without nannies all the time. You made me hire one because you and everyone else were convinced that I'd most likely eat my young." She said raising eye brow. "or at least starve them…or maybe drop them. Be honest, you thought I'd be terrible at this."

"No, I knew you'd be a great mother…I just thought you would need some help considering this kind of life was a big adjustment and I'm never home." He said thoughtfully. "And you did need some work in the cooking department or we were all gonna starve."

"Well, I think I've got it under control." She said watching Johnathan take large second helpings of everything. "I just need to know that if anything ever happened that there's a sense of order. There may not always be someone here."

"Tori don't talk like that." Johnathan hated that Tori had these thoughts but between their marriage almost breaking up and having lost a good friend in the last few years, this was the reality of being married to a crab fisherman.

"I'm just saying that we never really know what's going to happen in life." She smiled in way that made him nervous. "What if I weren't here…what would you do?"

"I'd have to go out and get myself one of those mail order brides." He smirked at her trying to get her to drop the subject.

"You're all class Hillstrand." She rolled her eyes at him. "If you two are done stop playing with your food and take your dishes to the kitchen."

"But mama, Kelly usually does that." Hannah protested.

"Well, She isn't here right now, so you'll do it yourselves….go, put them in the sink." Tori commanded, not flinching at the devastation in their brown eyes.

"Wow. You're tough." Johnathan laughed till he saw that he was getting the same look and promptly picked up his dishes and headed to the kitchen.

"Those girls have been treated like royalty since the day they were born." Tori quipped, following him into the kitchen.

"Of course they have…they're my daughters, they're Bering Sea royalty." He smiled, grabbing her from behind and kissing her neck.

"Yeah well, there's about to be a new prince, and I can't handle a house full of…you." She squirmed in his arms trying to get free. "I don't suppose you're going to let me get anything else done tonight are you?"

"Wasn't planning on it." He said, turning her to face him. "I thought maybe we could watch a movie with the girls then have some, alone time later."

"You win, as usual." She resigned throwing a towel on the counter and giving in to his kiss.

After a blissfully perfect evening of movies and popcorn with the girls, Johnathan volunteered to tuck them in since he hadn't been home and it was clear that Tori had been becoming more hands-on. He wondered how much she was letting Kelly do anymore and if she had some inside knowledge that Kelly may leave. He couldn't imagine Tori keeping this pace with three kids and still wanting to be involved with the boat. It seemed odd that she suddenly was worried about the girls not being spoiled and who was going to take care of things then he had a terrible thought and hoped he was wrong. He quickly finished up with Hannah and Samari, checked the doors and set the alarm before heading up the stairs to confront Tori about his suspicion.

When he walked into their bedroom he found Tori snuggled under the covers waiting. "Angel, is there something you're not telling me?" He asked seriously as he sat on the side of the bed.

"It's nothing, really." She was instantly uncomfortable and he could see it.

"Tori, tell me now." He tried not to sound angry but fear got the best of him and he saw Tori look away like she was scared. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. Is it the baby? Is it you? What did the doctor say?"

"Nothing! John seriously, he said nothing. He said everything looks great." She said almost sounding annoyed by this.

"Then what?" Johnathan was now thoroughly confused.

"It's me. I don't feel…right. I know the doctor said everything is perfect _but I_ don't feel right. I don't know what it is. It just feels like something bad is gonna happen and if I just stay really busy then I don't think about it." She took a deep breath glad she had admitted her fear.

"Nothing bad is gonna happen. You've done everything right and if he says you're good, then you gotta believe that. Your problem is you're so used to having so much bad shit to worry about that when there is no bad shit you don't know what to do." He said with a calming smile as he climbed in bed next to her, fluffing up her pillows and clicking on the TV.

"I know, you're right. I guess I just don't know how to relax." Tori moved closer, resting her head on his chest. "I have everything I've ever wanted and I still need things to worry about."

##################################################################################################

Into the night  
Desperate and broken  
The sound of a fight  
Father has spoken.

We were the kings and queens of promise  
We were the victims of ourselves  
Maybe the children of a lesser god  
Between heaven and hell, Heaven and hell.

Into your eyes  
Hopeless and taken  
We stole our new lives  
Through blood an pain  
In defense of our dreams  
In defense of our dreams

The age of man is over  
The darkness comes and all  
These lessons that we've learned here  
Have only just begun

We were the kings and queens of promise  
We were the victims of ourselves  
Maybe the children of a lesser god  
Between heaven and hell.

We are the kings  
We are the queens

Kings and Queens - (30 Seconds to Mars)


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: copy-paste

A/N: So heres a short one and I know it's taking me longer than usual but I'm again on the injured list. I have a herniated disc in my back and it's quite painful. Can't sail, can't fish and can't play golf, (ok, so I'm totally going fishing this weekend don't tell my Dr!)

* * *

The night of the party arrived and it was nothing short of something you'd see in the New York society pages. Besides friends and family there were Network people and other captains and crews.

Johnathan walked around the house uncomfortably in his suit and tie hoping that a few more drinks would make it better. He spotted Neal and waved him over to the bar that was set up in the formal living room. "Hey little brother, have a drink."

"Seems like you've had a few already." Neal could tell Johnathan was teetering on the edge of a good buzz. "Don't get plastered, Tori will kill you."

"If she wants me to wear this crap, then I'm gonna be as plastered as I want." He said with confidence; then looked around quickly to make sure Tori wasn't in earshot. "I don't know what's gotten into her lately. She doesn't even like half these people."

Neal nodded in agreement. "Well I can tell you Kelly said the same thing, she thinks Tori's up to something. Said she calls Israel almost every day to talk to her brother. Of course she can't understand a thing they're saying."

"Yeah, convenient how that works." Johnathan always wondered what they talked about that he couldn't understand. "She said she's fine and I went to her last appointment with her just to make sure she wasn't hiding anything and the doc said everything looks good."

"You don't think it's something from her past, do you?" Neal asked as he poured a few more drinks.

"She wouldn't risk stirring up trouble while she's pregnant. I know Tori and that's something she would never do." Johnathan knew that their children were Tori first priority and no matter what was happening she would never put them in harm's way.

The twins made an early appearance in their velvet dresses, paraded around by Kelly and Tori they looked like china dolls that belonged under the Christmas tree. Tori looked every bit the part of the perfect wife and mother. While the house and party arrangement were perfect she too looked flawless in a black velvet dress with her hair tied neatly back in a long ponytail. Tori made her way around saying hello to everyone and taking great pleasure in how well behaved the girls were being. She saw the Harris bothers standing with a couple of pretty young girls they had brought. Since in theory, Josh was with someone she decided it was probably safe to go say hello. "Hi guys, so glad you could make it."

"Hey Tori, great party. And by the way…the house kicks ass!" Jake smiled brightly and gave her a hug then immediately turned his attention to the twins. "You two wanna see a cool trick…" he knelt down on the floor and proceeded to entertain the girls.

"If you ever need a babysitter call Jake, he seriously can do this all day." Josh smirked shaking his head at his brother's attempts at magic. "You look…" he trailed off not able to finish the thought as he stared at her.

"Pregnant? Yeah I'm aware." She laughed.

Josh laughed and weakly smiled, "yeah, I didn't know you guys were…well obviously you worked everything out." At this point Josh's date was sensing some tension and cleared her throat. "Oh sorry, Tori…this is Ashley and that's Jessica."

"Nice to meet you both." Tori smiled warmly, "It was good seeing all of you, please make yourselves at home and enjoy." She continued across the room glad that was over with and made her way over to Sig Hansen. "Hey there captain."

"Hey captain yourself," he beamed looking her over, "Wow you look great… and holy shit those girls are growing up fast. What are they, five now?"

"Yeah, time really flies. It's hard to believe Johnathan and I have been married six years." As she said it she was contemplating the fact that she had been impressed when their relationship had lasted six weeks.

"Hard to believe is an understatement Victoria." Sig joked, "and congratulations, I know it's silly but a boy is a big deal in fishing families. This one will coming up right along with Scotty's boy."

"Well they're both gonna have to fight these two for the Time Bandit when the time comes. They don't care that they're girls, they want to fish." Tori said patting the girls on their heads. "Thanks for coming, I gotta go find Johnathan and make sure he isn't doing anything stupid." She was certain he already was and it was simply a matter of how stupid.

She found Johnathan near the back door with Andy looking guilty already. "I'm gonna get the girls to bed, have you seen Kelly?"

"Yeah she's over there with Neal, but don't put them to bed yet I have a surprise." He gave her a sexy smile. "It's sort of in honor of our anniversary."

Tori eyed him suspiciously, as he put his arm around her and pointed out the sliding glass door. Seconds later everyone in the house was looking out the door or on the back deck watching as a huge display of fireworks went off over the back yard ending with giant red hearts containing the letters _J & T_.

"Those are even bigger than the ones we did on the boat daddy!" Samari chimed.

"You set off fireworks with them on the boat?" Tori didn't know why this was a surprise when it should be a natural assumption by now.

"You're not very good at keeping secrets kid." Johnathan laughed eyeing Samari.

"It will be a miracle if they make it to ten in one piece." Tori shook her head then smiled and kissed Johnathan. "Thank you, I loved it."

"There's more…but that's for later." He winked and took a hold of Samari's hand, "come on, off to bed."

"Do want me to..." She was prepared to do it herself but appreciated the offer.

"Nope, I've got it. You just relax and enjoy your party." He disappeared down the hall with Hannah and Samari. Tori took a deep breath and headed for the kitchen to find Kelly who was trying to get a jumpstart on the cleanup.

Later on after all the guests had left and Tori and Kelly had done a good share of dishes they decided the rest could wait for morning. "Go on to bed Kel, this shit will still be here tomorrow. I'm beat."

"You said it; that was a hell of a party. You really pulled it off." Kelly sighed as she headed toward her room.

"Yeah, maybe next time I'll get to drink at my own party." Tori laughed as she started up the stairs.

When she reached the bedroom she was greeted by Johnathan who was sitting in a chair holding a lacy red teddy.

"Um, are you expecting someone else because that is not going to fit me." She walked over and took it from him examining it more closely.

"Not right now, but that's ok." He tossed it into the chair and pulled her into a passionate kiss. "Are you gonna tell me why you went through all this tonight?"

Tori took a deep breath. "It's just that we have so many bad memories I guess I'm just trying to make some new ones…good ones. You know the kind that won't traumatize our kids to the point of needing therapy."

"It's only going to get better Angel, and I think I'm ready to give you the rest of your surprise. I decided on a name." He stood looking very proud of himself as Tori waited for him to continue. She tapped her foot a few times. "Ian John…if that's ok with you."

Tori smiled, pleased that that he hadn't gone with something bizarre. "I love it…and I love you."

* * *

On a bridge across the seven on a Saturday night,  
Susie meets the man of her dreams.  
He says that he got in trouble and if she doesn't mind,  
he doesn't want the company.  
But there's something in the air  
They share a look in silence and everything is understood.  
Susie grabs her man and puts a grip on his hand  
as the rain puts a tear in his eye.

She says:  
Don't let go! Never give up - it's such a wonderful life.

Driving through the city to the temple station,  
Cries into the leather sea,  
And Susie knows the baby was a family man,  
But the world has got him down on his knees.

So she throws him at the wall and kisses burn like fire,  
And suddenly he starts to believe,  
He takes her in his arms he doesn't know why,  
But it seems that he begins to see:  
Don't let go! Never give up - it's such a wonderful life.

(Wonderful Life – Hurts)


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: you should know by now...if I owned him, I wouldn't be sittin' around here writting now would I!

A/N: OK, I was going to make this a cliffhanger (big suprise there) BUT, I didn't. I'll be updating quicker since I'm land locked for the rest of the year. My husband is bringing Archangel home this weekend and winterizing her since my Dr. says I'm done for the year. I'll be finishing this one up and starting my next Northwestern story;) So let's hear some reviews please!

* * *

Opilio season came far too quickly and Johnathan had made a decision that he hoped his brothers could live with. He intended to take the season off and stay home with Tori and the kids. He had not however informed his wife of this decision. He decided it was time to fill her in since she was seldom good with surprises or last minute changes.

"No John, you're going fishing." She insisted.

"Angel, I just want to make sure I'm here when he's born." Johnathan had really though she would be at least a little happy about this.

"We have plenty of time. You'll be back by the time I'm due. Besides, everything is ready and you'll go crazy sitting around then you'll drive me crazy." She had a point. The nursery was done, any and all situations had been planned for and Johnathan's mother was on standby to take Tori to appointments so Kelly could stay home with the girls and Tori wouldn't have to go anywhere alone.

"Why do have to be so stubborn?" He retaliated. "I know you're right. I should be back a couple weeks before you're due and if it looks like we're going to run into a long season then I'll just leave from St. Paul during an offload and skip the last trip."

"See, was that so hard?" Tori smiled seductively wrapping her arms around his neck.

"No, it never is when I let you have your way." He kissed her and wandered upstairs to pack. He couldn't help think that something wasn't quite right and was still a bit concerned over the fact that in the last few weeks he had walked into the room only to catch her saying something in another language and quickly hanging up the phone. It was pointless to call her family since he knew there is nothing that they wouldn't do for her including lie to him.

As he got ready to leave for Dutch he took another stab at extracting information from Kelly who was little help as she too felt as though Tori had something brewing most likely with her brother or with Mikos. "Johnny I swear if I knew anything I'd tell ya. And don't ya think she knows that…that's why she's hiding it from me too."

"That's what has me worried." Johnathan ran his hand through his hair and pulled his hat back on. "Hey, I'm leavin'…Is anybody gonna bother come say goodbye or what?" He yelled in the empty foyer. Suddenly the sound of thundering little feet could be heard from down the hall. Hannah and Samari wrapped their arms tightly around his neck as he kissed them goodbye. "You take good care of your mom for me, you got it."

"We will." Hannah smiled confidently, trying to look very adult as Samari shed the usual tears on her father's shoulder.

"Ok girls your father as to go." Tori had entered the foyer and stood watching stoically as Johnathan said goodbye to girls.

"You be careful, ok. I'll be back as quick as I can." He said as he pulled Tori close, not letting her go for several minutes. He then leaned down to her belly, "and you just stay put and don't make trouble."

"I love you, be safe." She gave him one last kiss, then he was out the door.

Opilio season is always rough; the weather this year was no exception. Ice and storms were making things much slower than the crew would have liked. Johnathan had decided that he had pressed his luck far enough and desperately wanted to get home to Tori.

"Hey Andy listen, when we get to St. Paul for this offload…I think I'm outta here." He looked across the darkened wheelhouse at his brother trying to read his expression.

"What do mean?" Andy looked confused.

"I mean I'm gonna fly home." Johnathan had a bad feeling and it was time he admitted it. "Remember the year Phil passed away?...how I said I just needed to get off the boat for a while?"

"Yeah, I remember." Andy's mind went back to that season when they had lost their good friend.

"Well if I hadn't I wouldn't have been there with him or his boys when they needed me. I felt like something was telling me to get off the boat…and I'm getting that same feeling now." He had felt this way before they even left and hoped it would pass but it didn't.

"Do what you've gotta do bro. I know you're worried about Tori and your head isn't in the game right now." Andy gave him a pat on the shoulder. "I'm gonna get some shut eye, wake me up in four hours."

Johnathan slid over into the chair and fixed his eyes on the dark ocean. After about an hour the SAT phone rang. "Yeah."

"Johnathan, it's mom." Nancy Hillstrands voice sounded shaken.

"What's wrong?" He knew immediately it was bad news.

"It's Tori." She was trying to sound calm but he saw though it.

"Mom, tell me what happened." His panicked voice woke Andy who quickly made his way into the wheelhouse.

"She fainted, Kelly called the Ambulance and I met it here at the hospital. Kelly's at the house with the girls." Nancy continued, "Tori's blood pressure was so low…they decided to take the baby."

"It's too soon. What happened is he?..." Johnathan felt like someone had just put a knife in his heart.

"Fine, he's fine. He's small but the Dr.'s say he's doing great…it's Tori." There was a long pause, "She hasn't woken up and they aren't sure what's going on. Johnathan, there are two little girls that want to know where their mother is and I don't know what I'm supposed to say." At this point Nancy had broken down into tears.

"I'll be in St. Paul in about six hours. I'll call you when I get a flight." He took a deep breath, "Mom, just stay with her, I'm on my way."

"What happened?" Andy spoke quietly seeing the empty look on his brother's face.

"Don't know. My son is ok, but they don't know what's wrong with Tori." At that moment Johnathan realized that he indeed had a new born son and should be feeling some sort of happiness but all he could focus on was his fear. The fear that his uneasy feeling about the season along with Tori's cryptic comments over the last few months about _not always being here _had been signs.

"Well, the baby is ok, and you need to be thankful for that John." Andy sat down and looked his brother in the eye. "Just remember that no matter what happens those kids need you."

Those words rang in Johnathan's head all the way to the airport, then the hospital. He rushed in to find his mother and Tae in the waiting room where they had apparently spent the night. "Thank God you're here. Kelly says the girls know something is wrong, it's damn near impossible to lie to them."

"I need to see my wife." He walked straight past them as a nurse directed him into the room.

"She's stable, we just don't know why she won't wake up." She spoke as she quickly checked over the monitors.

Johnathan sat down looking at Tori and taking her hand. She looked so beautiful, just as if she were sleeping. His mind was racing then eventually just went numb to the point that he had lost track of time, not even noticing the nurses coming in and out every hour. He was finally stirred from his daze by Tae's voice.

"Dad?" She quietly entered the room. "There's someone who's been waiting for you." She stood in front of him holding Ian. "I thought maybe you'd like to sit with him for while."

Johnathan smiled weakly and nodded, taking the baby from Tae who smiled back then left him alone with Tori and Ian. "Come on Angel, you can't leave me to do this alone, I'll fuck it up…you know I will." He looked down as Ian's tiny hand grasped on to his finger. "The girls will be in jail by the time their twelve and this little guy will be like a feral animal. I don't even know…anything." Tears began to flow down his cheeks as he imagined life without Tori.

"Feral animal is a little dramatic don't you think?" Tori's weak voice still contained the ever present hint of sarcasm.

"Damn it Victoria you scared the hell out me." He leaned over and ran a hand across her cheek.

"What happened? Is the baby ok?" She was clearly a little disoriented.

"Yeah Angel, he's perfect." Johnathan carefully placed Ian in Tori's arms at which point she started to cry.

"I'm so sorry John, I don't know what happened…what did I do wrong? " She could hardly get the words out.

"It's not your fault, you didn't do anything. Your blood pressure dropped and you fainted, it happens." He said trying to calm her down. "Just…you didn't wake up, for two days."

"Two days!" She started to get genuinely scared by the fact that two days had passed and she had no recollection of anything. "I remember being in the laundry room and I got a little light headed, then I heard you talking, that's all I remember."

A nurse rushed in followed by Tori's Doctor who was already checking and rechecking Tori's vitals while the nurse took the baby. "We'll give him right back, we just need to make sure your ok."

Ian was returned to Tori after a few quick tests, at which point it was clear they would most likely never be able to get him away from her again. She was visibly shaken by the whole ordeal and Johnathan refused to go home, choosing to stay with her for as long as she needed to be there.

* * *

Never forget who you are  
Little star  
Never forget how to dream  
Butterfly

God gave a present to me  
Made of flesh and bones  
My life  
My soul  
You make my spirit whole

Never forget who you are  
Little star  
Shining brighter than all the stars in the sky  
Never forget how to dream  
Butterfly  
Never forget where you came from  
From love

You are a treasure to me  
You are my star  
You breath  
New life  
Into my broken heart

May the angels protect you  
And sadness forget you  
Little star  
May goodness surround you  
My love I have found you  
Little star  
Shining bright

(Little Star – Madonna)


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: make one up if you want.

A/N: This is a short one as the next one will be the last. I want it finished before I have to entertain my mom for 2 weeks! I think you'll get where this is going to end in that there is just one more piece of unfinished business. And if there's one thing life has taught me it's make sure there's no loose ends!

* * *

After another two days and more tests and checkups than she knew existed, Tori was allowed to go home with Ian. The twins were eager to meet their new brother and had been driving Kelly absolutely mad with questions about why their mother was in the hospital so long. Kelly was sure that they would someday be recruited by the government as interrogation specialists given their relentless pursuit of facts and ability to confuse their opponent.

Tori was very different this time around. When Hannah and Samari were born she wasn't completely comfortable with motherhood and relied heavily on her nanny. The addition of Ian was barely noticeable to Kelly since he was in Tori's arms every waking moment and she went to him every time he made a sound.

"Angel, he'll fall asleep eventually. You can't keep running in there every time he cries a little." Johnathan was tugging at her hand trying to get her back into bed. Shooting him a dirty look she huffed and pulled the covers back over her. "You need to relax." Johnathan began kissing her neck gently hoping to distract her.

"I'm sorry, I know I'm being over protective but he's just so small and I just feel like I have to get it right this time." She turned over to face him.

"Well the other two still have all their fingers and toes so I don't think you did that bad." He smirked at her a little, glad that she was at least talking to him.

"That's the thing, it wasn't me…it was Kelly. If I didn't have her I wouldn't have had a clue. And I think I missed out on a lot because of it. This is it, my last chance to do all the…mom stuff." She smiled and started to play with his hair. "Cause you know we're done…the doctor said no more."

"I know, but you need to relax and maybe even sleep a little. You'll enjoy him more if you're not exhausted." His intent was that if she were going to be exhausted it would be of his doing.

"You're right…and I'll have lots of time with him when you take the girls fishing in the spring." She whispered as she made it clear she had the same idea he did by kissing him softly.

"Spring? What about school?" It was now taking real effort to concentrate on the subject as all he could focus on was her hands running over his chest.

"They'll catch up when they get back; I want them to have as much time out with you as they can before you call it quits." Her efforts succeeded in Johnathan gently pulling her on top of him. "Now what were you saying about relaxing?" She giggled as he pulled her down into a searing kiss, pulling his fingers through her long black hair. They spent the next few hours revisiting all the things Tori couldn't do while pregnant managing to wake up the baby twice. Finally deciding to sleep on the floor in front of the fire since the bed just looked too far away at the moment, they drifted off to sleep.

As time passed, Tori became less neurotic about the baby and let Kelly ease him into a routine. This meant removing the monitor from her room and giving it to Kelly who could more objectively decide when to go to him and when to just let him cry. Everything was back to the normal level of chaos by the time Johnathan left in the spring. Hannah and Samari were beyond happy that they could miss school and go with their father. He had no reservations about leaving as Tori's moods had leveled out. She spent most of her time reading to the girls, playing with the baby or mulling over potential new Time Bandit promotions. In all, she seemed to be balancing everything quite well.

The day Johnathan and the twins left however, he walked in on another cryptic phone call.

"כן, אני מוכן, אני בטוח … … הכל יש ללכת בדיוק כפי שתוכנן כך ברצוני לדעת היכן הם נמצאים בכל דקה … …. כן, אני אתקשר לך כאשר אני לנחות … … Mikos היא טיפול פירוט בעיה." _("Yes, I'm ready, I'm sure…everything has to go exactly as planned so I need to know where they are every minute….Yes, I'll call you when I land…Mikos is handling that detail.")_ It was clear she heard Johnathan come in as she quickly said goodbye and hung up. "I'll be in touch, Shalom"

"Who was that?" Johnathan inquired trying not to sound suspicious.

"Oh that…was Aunt Nora. Just wanting to know when we'd be visiting, they're excited to see Ian." She smiled sweetly.

"Oh, well maybe when I get back we can plan something." It alarmed Johnathan that she could so easily lie to face. "We're leaving so…" They walked to together to the foyer and said their goodbyes. The girls were sad that their mother wasn't coming but understood that Ian was too little to fish. Johnathan found it more difficult than he had expected to Hand the baby back to Tori and walk out the door.

After they had gone Tori put Ian down for a nap. "Kel, I'm going take a hot bath, the baby is sleeping."

"Roger." Kelly had taken to talking as if she were on a boat since she'd been dating Neal.

Kelly and Tori enjoyed a quiet dinner together and later gave Ian a bath. Tori went upstairs to put him to bed while Kelly cleaned up in the kitchen. She was startled by a call on her cell phone from Johnathan. "Oh hell, what could have happened already?"

"Don't say it's me, is Tori near you?" He sounded very serious.

"Um, no. She's upstairs putting Ian to bed…where are you and what happened?" Kelly feared something had happened and he didn't want Tori to know.

"I just got to the boat. Listen, I walked in on her on the phone and I couldn't understand her but I definitely heard her mention Mikos." He was beginning to realize the potential implications at hand.

"Ok, did you ask her?" Kelly knew that Johnathan was nervous and could be overeating.

"Watch her Kel…I mean like a fucking hawk!" He instructed. "She lied right to my face and that can only mean one thing."

"Johnny, she wouldn't lie to you unless…oh shit…you think she's gonna do something…bad?" She often had a hard time reconciling the Tori she knew for the last 5 years was the same Tori she had been before meeting Johnathan. "I'll keep an eye on her and I'll call you if anything seems hincky."

"Thanks, I'll be in touch when I can." He hung up and sat back in his chair. He could hear the sounds of the twins shouting and running around in the galley. He had learned a long time ago never to underestimate Tori. There was always a part of her he could not change and wasn't sure he would want to. But it still scared him.

* * *

Looking back at the beginning of this  
And how life was  
Just you and me and love and all of our friends  
Living life like an ocean  
Now the current's slowly pulling me down  
It's getting harder to breathe  
It won't be too long and I'll be going under  
Can you save me from this?

I look ahead to all the plans that we made  
And the dreams that we had  
I'm in a world that tries to take 'em away  
Oh, but I'm taking them back  
'Cause all this time I've just been to blind to understand  
What should matter to me  
My friend, this life we live  
Is not what we have, it's what we believe

There might be more than you believe  
There might be more than you can see

But it's not my time  
I'm not going  
There's a fear in me  
It's not showing  
This could be the end of me

And everything I know  
I know I won't go down

(Not my Time – 3 Doors Down)


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: last time...

A/N: Here is the final chapter, thanks for hanging in with my girl Tori in her last adventure. I have a few other things in the works right now such as my Sig story which I'll be starting next week. But in the future I may do another installment since I think the battle for the Time Bandit between the Hillstrand kids would be a great storty! Thanks for all the reads and reviews...now do it one more time!

* * *

Sitting in the dark wheelhouse as they headed out, Johnathan kept going over Tori's lie in his mind. He mulled over everything she had said or not said in recent months trying to piece together what she could be hiding. He looked over his shoulder as her heard light footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Can I sit with you, daddy?" Samari blinked her big brown eyes, knowing full well that he wouldn't send her back to bed right away.

"Course you can princess." He picked her up and set her on his lap so she could see out. "Your sister sleeping?"

She nodded then took a pensive look around. "Is mommy gone fish with us again?"

"Sure she is, it's just that Ian needs her right now a little more than we do." He explained. "And when we get home we're all gonna go to Israel to see Uncle Amzi and your Great Aunt Nora."

"But Uncle Amzi is in New York." She protested a bit confused.

"Wait, how do you know that?" It occurred to Johnathan that the girls had probably overheard Tori's phone calls as well and understood much more of it that he did.

"I heard mommy on the phone with him. He's keeping _tabs_…but I don't know who that is." Samari shrugged, "but it's supposed to make mommy's nightmare go away." Johnathan finally had enough pieces of the puzzle to know exactly what was going on.

After Samari got tired and went back to bed Johnathan called Kelly. "I just learned from Samari that Victoria's brother is in New York."

"What…why?" Kelly said rubbing her eyes as she had been sleeping.

"He's keeping tabs on Tori's nightmare or…something. What the fuck she's five, I'm lucky I got that much." He sighed.

"I only know of two nightmares Johnny…and I'm certain they are both in New York right now." Kelly had also put the pieces together. "What are you gonna do?"

"What can I do? Just keep an eye on her till I get back, it's only a couple weeks." Johnathan was sure Kelly would be able to keep Tori off schedule enough to keep her in Homer.

Several weeks after Johnathan and the girls left Tori made a shocking announcement. "I need to go to New York for a couple days. You're ok with taking care of Ian, right?"

"Um, yeah sure. How long will you be gone? I just need to know if I have to reschedule any of his doctor's appointments." Kelly was awestruck. She couldn't believe that Tori was ready to leave Ian, even for a few days.

"No worries, I'm flying out tonight and have a return flight that comes in tomorrow afternoon. I won't even be gone 24 hours." Tori's voice had a cold resonance that made Kelly suddenly see her in a different way.

Tori went upstairs and got dressed. She pulled her black suit out of closet and looked at it wondering if it would still fit. She laughed a bit at herself and put it away, settling on a pair on well worn jeans and a black sweater. After twisting her hair into a tight bun, high on her head and putting on her make-up, she dug to the back of the closet finding her old black leather jacket and through in on. As she headed down the stairs her mind raced over the last year and how close she had come to losing everything she had loved.

Kelly intercepted her at the door holding Ian. "Tori, you're my friend and I want you to think about what you're doing."

"And what am I doing?" She called Kelly's bluff to see if she really had the nerve to confront her, knowing that she wouldn't. After everything Kelly had witnessed, this was a necessary means to an end and she knew that Tori would go as far as she needed to protect her family. Tori kissed Ian and looked at him for a minute, then looked at Kelly. "I know you're going to call John, but it won't change anything."

"Be safe Tori." Kelly said solemnly.

"I will." She smiled and walked out the door.

Kelly hugged Ian for moment trying to convince herself that it wasn't as bad as she thought. "Your mom is one crazy bitch, you know that." She put him in his crib and pulled out her phone, not sure if she could even reach Johnathan.

To her surprise he answered quickly. "Yeah…"

"She's gone. I couldn't stop her John, I'm sorry. She didn't even try to lie to me!" Kelly informed him of the exchange.

"Of course, she knew that we knew, she's always a step ahead." Johnathan's heart was racing as looked at Hannah and Samari sitting next to him. "I'm already on my way, season's done. I should be there by morning."

"Ok, She said she would be back by tomorrow, didn't even pack a bag." Kelly sank onto the couch knowing there was nothing to do but wait.

Johnathan arrived home with the twins the following morning. Kelly was already pacing nervously since no one had heard from Tori. There was a palpable tension you could cut with a knife as they tried to make everything seem normal and allow the girls to think that their mother was taking care of some business for the boat. Around three that afternoon, they heard the front door open. Johnathan stood up and motioned for Kelly to keep the girls busy as he made his way out to the foyer. He intercepted a very surprised Tori as she was making for the stairs.

"John…what are you…you're home early." She gasped to catch her breath.

"Yeah." He stood looking at her hollow expression. Standing in front of him in her black leather jacket and dark makeup she looked as though the clock had been turned back and she was again the woman he had met years ago. "How was…your trip?"

"Successful." She said blankly. "I'd really like to take a bath and change before I see the kids."

Johnathan nodded and followed her upstairs. Half of him wanted to ask for details but the other half was reminding him that he probably didn't want them. He sat on the bed thinking until Tori came out of the bathroom in flannel pajama pants and an oversized sweatshirt.

"I know you're angry with me John." She said as she sat down at her vanity and combed out her hair.

"Not angry…just scared for you, I don't miss that feeling and I was hoping I'd never have it again." He said rubbing her shoulders.

"I'm sorry I lied to you." She looked up in the mirror as a single tear ran down her cheek. "I'm sure you've figured out what I did."

"I think so." Johnathan replied. "I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to say to you. I love you Victoria, but what the fuck…There had to be another way." Johnathan held her tight not knowing whether he should just yell and be mad at her or drop the whole thing.

"Don't you get it? Do you honestly believe people like Armand and Jen just go away? They never go away! I had to protect my family." She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. "Now if it's ok with you I'd like to see my kids." She pushed past him and headed downstairs.

Tori settled onto the couch as Kelly passed Ian into her arms giving her an approving smile. Hannah and Samari jumped onto the couch next to their mother eager to tell her about their trip. Evidently, according to them, it was as if they had run the boat by themselves. Johnathan sat down next to his wife looking over the seemingly picture perfect scene in front of him. Tori made dinner that night and they all sat around the table talking and laughing. After Kelly and Tori put the kids to bed and Kelly retired for the evening, Tori opened a bottle of red wine and poured two glasses. She walked into the living room and handed one to Johnathan who was standing in front of the window looking out over the bay.

"So, we're good, right?" She asked.

"Yeah, we're good. I love you." He said touching her cheek. "So your brother and Mikos?"

"They're fine. Just got me what I needed, and left. I did what I did alone." She said adamantly. "No one knows what happened after that except the three people who were there. And the only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead." She held up her glass, winked and took a sip. "Now, I think it's time for bed." She backed out of the room, seductively pulling him with her.

"This is done? I mean as of now you are just…Victoria Hillstrand, crabber's wife?" He ventured.

"That's all I ever want to be. No more looking over our shoulder, no more investigating our kids' friends, no more covert meetings in the middle of the night. I'm so done John, really…I just want you and the kids." She smiled and hugged him taking a deep breath letting go of any lingering fears.

Tori had spent her entire marriage till now worrying about her past coming back, her perfect life being taken from her. That was no longer the case, she could enjoy her husband and children and be hopeful about the future. She and Johnathan knew that they had three amazing children that would no doubt continue on the family traditions, and they made sure that they were given every chance to do great things that they could possibly give them. They were the future of the time Bandit and the Hillstrand legacy.

* * *

So, so you think you can tell  
Heaven from Hell,  
Blue skies from pain.  
Can you tell a green field  
From a cold steel rail?  
A smile from a veil?  
Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade  
Your heroes for ghosts?  
Hot ashes for trees?  
Hot air for a cool breeze?  
And cold comfort for change?  
Did you exchange  
A walk on part in the war,  
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.  
We're just two lost souls  
Swimming in a fish bowl,  
Year after year,  
Running over the same old ground.  
What have we found  
The same old fears.  
Wish you were here.

(Wish you were here – Pink Floyd)


End file.
